I disagree that it is not rude to ask.
Because there *is* a pressure to give in to requests, it *is* rude to ask certain things.
I think for a lot of people this is internal pressure though. I wouldn't feel pressured to give in to requests, especially not like in the OP. It wouldn't bother me either way, because I value relationships over food, but I don't feel the pressure a lot of people apparently do. That is why I think some of us have difficulty understanding why people give in and then seethe.
I think its two different issues though: 1) the request and 2) the response.
Just because a person should say "no" if they don't want to do something instead of agreeing and then seething, doesn't eliminate the initial rudeness of the person asking the awkward/rude request in the first place.
Sure many of us can say no, and ultimately it is more gracious then seething. But its a rude position to put the host in: say "no" or change the flow of things to accommodate guests that don't even plan to stay.
And its not about "valuing people over food" because asking a host to stop running a party along a set plan and schedule is not about food
, its about centering everything around one set of guests to the detriment of others at the party; in this case it would be valuing this couple over the value of everyone else, yourself* included. And valuing others over yourself isn't some strong, confident role to take, its a doormat position. A host has an obligation
to have a fun time at the party they are throwing. Running around getting the next tier of food early without a moment to sit and have a bite of dinner socializing with guests is not gracious hosting. Nor is having to take a hard line on saying "no" to hospitality. The guests are rude to even ask.
* generic "you"