Asking for an item before it's served

[audrey1962]

Per the last paragraph, I think it boils down to different entertaining styles. When I entertain, I make almost everything home made. I prepare for days ahead of the party.    People enjoy my cooking and always look forward to what I'm going to serve this time.

Making food from scratch is a non-sequitor. I make all my food from scratch and have already stated the request would not bother me.

[Sharnita]

Per the last paragraph, I think it boils down to different entertaining styles. When I entertain, I make almost everything home made. I prepare for days ahead of the party.    People enjoy my cooking and always look forward to what I'm going to serve this time.

Making food from scratch is a non-sequitor. I make all my food from scratch and have already stated the request would not bother me.

audrey, I agree.  A lot of people I know make things home made and would be OK with this request.  In fact, since they went through so much effort to make it, many of them would really want to make sure their guests got a chance to try the food they went to such an effort to make.  Now, since the atmosphere was so casual some of those hosts might even tell a guest like Reba to go ahead and serve themselves - which would suit the guests and host just fine in a casual, buffet environment.

[Paper Roses]

I believe Reba and Bill were already upstairs, so were among the first to have dinner, and were finished with it even though some others were still making up plates.  If I remember correctly, the desserts and various sweet snacks were sitting on the kitchen table.  I'm not sure if the particular dessert Bill wanted was sitting out with them or not; I know it had been brought to the house in a closed container (it was a pie, and it was in one of those plastic rubbermaid/tupperware pie containers, which wasn't transparent.  So if it was still in the container and not on the table, I don't know how Bill knew it was even there; but then again, if it was sitting out on the table, would that have been reason enough to think it was ok to ask for it?  In other words, would it be ok to assume it was there and being offered?)

Based on this, I think it was Reba who made and brought the particular dessert Bill requested and she wanted to make sure Bill got a piece before they left.

Even if the case, Reba still should have asked
"Will you be serving desserts soon. I'm not feeling well and we'll be leaving early but I know Bill would really like a slice of pie before we leave."

No, in fact, Reba did not make and bring that particular dessert. 

[hobish]

Interesting thread. I can see both sides, i guess. It wouldn't have bothered me, personally, if it was something i was planning on serving anyway.
 

[Venus193]

In my book, putting dessert out right away is like rushing the guests.  I would also feel guilt-tripped over this stuff and that's not a good thing to do to me.

[cheyne]

POD to Lynn2000 and WillyNilly. 

Honestly, this story makes no sense to me unless Reba was fibbing about or exaggerating her illness.  If Reba was so ill that she had to leave, why was she the one who asked the Hostess for dessert for Bill?  Either Reba was ill enough to leave immediately (within 5 mins) or she was well enough to stay for dessert.  I could see if Bill asked for dessert and the Hostess boxed it up while Bill was escorting Reba to their car, but why would Reba want to hang around waiting on Bill's dessert if she was ill?

I do think that Reba was rude to ask.  If you leave events early, you will miss out on some things-that's life.  The hostess should not be perterbed but should just let it go.  She will be prepared if this happens again-she can just say no.

Well, I don't really agree.  I don't think it has to be an either/or situation, and I don't think it was.  I'm sorry you don't think the story makes sense, but it's what happened as I understood it.

I am sorry Paper Roses, I wasn't trying to say that you didn't understand the situation!   It's just that I have never experienced someone so ill that they needed to go home, yet hanging around to ask the hostess for dessert (and waiting for the hostess to fix a to-go container).

[Hmmmmm]

POD to Lynn2000 and WillyNilly. 

Honestly, this story makes no sense to me unless Reba was fibbing about or exaggerating her illness.  If Reba was so ill that she had to leave, why was she the one who asked the Hostess for dessert for Bill?  Either Reba was ill enough to leave immediately (within 5 mins) or she was well enough to stay for dessert.  I could see if Bill asked for dessert and the Hostess boxed it up while Bill was escorting Reba to their car, but why would Reba want to hang around waiting on Bill's dessert if she was ill?

I do think that Reba was rude to ask.  If you leave events early, you will miss out on some things-that's life.  The hostess should not be perterbed but should just let it go.  She will be prepared if this happens again-she can just say no.

Well, I don't really agree.  I don't think it has to be an either/or situation, and I don't think it was.  I'm sorry you don't think the story makes sense, but it's what happened as I understood it.

I am sorry Paper Roses, I wasn't trying to say that you didn't understand the situation!   It's just that I have never experienced someone so ill that they needed to go home, yet hanging around to ask the hostess for dessert (and waiting for the hostess to fix a to-go container).

I don't think you have to be "so" ill to want to go home before you start feeling really, really ill. There is nothing odd about the scenario at all to me.

[NyaChan]

Honestly if someone was headed home early, I would have offered them the dessert or food in general myself.  I don't think it was wrong for Reba to ask for some but to then press the issue when the hostess showed reluctance, though I think was off - I mean would it kill the guy to miss dessert one night? 

[sparksals]

sparksals, I am speaking only to the specific situation the OP described. Given the casual nature of the event, I would have assumed it was casual and that having a dessert was no big deal.  In other contexts, my thoughts would be different.

TD....I realize that.  Still doesn't change that many hostesses have different hosting styles that all fall into the acceptable realm
. 

[sparksals]

Per the last paragraph, I think it boils down to different entertaining styles. When I entertain, I make almost everything home made. I prepare for days ahead of the party.    People enjoy my cooking and always look forward to what I'm going to serve this time.

Making food from scratch is a non-sequitor. I make all my food from scratch and have already stated the request would not bother me.

I dont think it is.  This is what makes hosting styles different. I would think the request to be rude, especially if I just sat down to eat or hadn't finished my meal yet.   

[Mammavan3]

If a guest told me that they had to leave early, I would immediately ask if they had time for dessert first or if they'd like to take some with them. And if this were an older relative, I'd be doubly sure that they were served or given some. I'm not the most organized hostess in the world but I do have whatever serving implements are necessary ready, as well as containers for left-overs, so it would take only a few minutes to do so and would not take me away from the party for very long. And I am one of those from-scratch, days-of-preparation cooks.  I take my hostessing responsibilities very seriously.

OTOH, if it were a request from someone of whom I am not particularly fond and who always needed special attention, I would have been somewhat put-out.

[TootsNYC]

To me rude would be a sit down dinner with courses being served.  While people are all sitting formally at the table one gets up and asks for dessert.  That I could see as that would disrupt the flow.  But in the scenario the OP portrays?  Nope.

If the dessert wasn't already set out, ready to be served, I see no difference between a sit down dinner and buffet really.
(And if the dessert was already set out and ready there would no reason to ask, as it was there ready for those who'd finished their dinner.)

For me I think it was weird to not have it all set out.

I don't!
Because there might not be room. Or, because you might want to change the vibe of the event when you change the food!

[Miss Tickle]

The thing that I find off is being treated like a restaurant. If your guests aren't feeling well they should make their excuses and just go, not stop the hostess serving dinner to ask for a doggy bag. That's not asking for something they need it's just something they want. It's so incredibly self-centered.

Since the two guests were playing against each other (sending the wife to ask for the husband) think I would sympathetically grab their coats and bags, invite them to return when she was feeling better and completely ignore the catering request since I wouldn't want to delay their departure another second.

[bloo]

The thing that I find off is being treated like a restaurant. If your guests aren't feeling well they should make their excuses and just go, not stop the hostess serving dinner to ask for a doggy bag. That's not asking for something they need it's just something they want. It's so incredibly self-centered.

Since the two guests were playing against each other (sending the wife to ask for the husband) think I would sympathetically grab their coats and bags, invite them to return when she was feeling better and completely ignore the catering request since I wouldn't want to delay their departure another second.

In practice, I'd agree with you. That's why in my earlier post I mentioned about a previous couple of guests' consistent, rude behavior made me feel like a short-order cook.

But there's no reason I gleaned from either the OP or subsequent updates to it to head towards the advice shared in your second paragraph. If I could bring myself to treat two guests in my home that way, I certainly could bring myself to not invite them in the first place. These are people that are actually liked, even by the peeved hostess in the OP.

[Sharnita]

The thing that I find off is being treated like a restaurant. If your guests aren't feeling well they should make their excuses and just go, not stop the hostess serving dinner to ask for a doggy bag. That's not asking for something they need it's just something they want. It's so incredibly self-centered.

Since the two guests were playing against each other (sending the wife to ask for the husband) think I would sympathetically grab their coats and bags, invite them to return when she was feeling better and completely ignore the catering request since I wouldn't want to delay their departure another second.

See, I think the reaction that you won't give it to them is waht makes it feel restaurant - y to me.  I mean, if  I am the host and my purpose in preparing the food is love for my guests and the simple desire to see them enjoy it then I want to make sure they get the chance to do so.  That means that when I hear they need to leave early I give them dessert or send it home for them.  Withholding it defeats my whole purpose.  Now if I intended to make a profit, it would make sense to refuse to give somebody food if they didn't pay in money, time or whatever else I was charging.