General Etiquette > general

Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134

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I didn't want to derail the other thread.

Two days ago, I received a Facebook private message from a friend inviting me to a party at her home. As I am on strict bed rest at home, I declined through a private message.

She called me this morning to ask me to change my mind. After all, the party is in a month's time. I could get well enough to attend by then! I explained that I am on bed rest and will likely remain so due to my high risk pregnancy. In fact, I could very well be hospitalised again. She said it won't be stressful at all, and that we will all be seated most of the time. Feeling a little pushed, I asked her what the party is for. She said it was just a get together with friends. Since she refused to take no for an answer, I said that I would think about it. Then I lied and told her that I needed to go and wished her goodbye. Well considering I am chained to my bed, I actually didn't need to go anywhere, but the conversation made me very uncomfortable.

I called another mutual friend up to ask if she knew about this party. Then the truth poured forth. It was for a cosmetic brand.

E-hellions, I am very hurt. My condition, fears and problems are on my Facebook page, which is a medium that this friend chose to invite me with. Even if she did not read any of that, I explained to her on the phone just why I could not make it. And now I find out that it is not really a party, but for money. This is an old friend.

I want to tell her that she has crossed the line and I am deeply hurt. Everything that I can think of right now sounds very rude. I actually wrote a long Facebook private message in response which I did not send. It was on how this is such a trying time in my life and even if she cannot be supportive, at least don't try to make me risk my health further just so that she can make quick buck off me. I think it is way too blunt and awful, so I deleted it.

Suggestions? Am I overreacting?

You are absolutely not overreacting!  Your "friend"--and I use this term very loosely--seems to think making money off you is more important than your health and your baby's health.  Her sense of entitlement is appalling. 

If she calls again about the party, just give her the standard line: "I'm afraid that won't be possible."  Lather, rinse, repeat.  If you want to, you can tell her what you've told us:  that she's crossed a line and you are deeply hurt.

I have cut someone out of my life for something similar that was important to me.  A so-called "friend" thought my doing a favor for her was more important than my honoring a commitment to help care for my then-terminally-ill father.

If your "friend" does not understand or respect your need to look out for your health and the health of your baby, cutting her out of your life may be something to consider.

You're not overreacting at all.  Even if she's finding it difficult to grasp the full implications of bed rest (doubtful), continuing to ask after being told no is pushy.  Your baby's health is more important than her making a few bucks, and if she can't accept this and respect your wishes, then she doesn't sound like much of a friend.  She's adding extra stress you don't need.  I hope she finally gets a clue and backs off.

I agree that this is horrible behavior.

The only explanation I can think of (and it is not an excuse) is that your friend has been drinking the sales pitch Kool-Ade and has lost command of her faculties.

I wouldn't send a reproof by email, because email has eternal life, and it can be spread and misused, etc. 

I would wait and see if she brings this up again. If she does, be very firm ("that will not be possible"), and it's fine to tell her you are hurt that she would give her business venture priority over the health of your baby.

I sincerely hope if she calls you, it will be to apologize.

Not overreacting. What a self-centered witch!


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