Author Topic: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134  (Read 33085 times)

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Nemesis

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I didn't want to derail the other thread.

Two days ago, I received a Facebook private message from a friend inviting me to a party at her home. As I am on strict bed rest at home, I declined through a private message.

She called me this morning to ask me to change my mind. After all, the party is in a month's time. I could get well enough to attend by then! I explained that I am on bed rest and will likely remain so due to my high risk pregnancy. In fact, I could very well be hospitalised again. She said it won't be stressful at all, and that we will all be seated most of the time. Feeling a little pushed, I asked her what the party is for. She said it was just a get together with friends. Since she refused to take no for an answer, I said that I would think about it. Then I lied and told her that I needed to go and wished her goodbye. Well considering I am chained to my bed, I actually didn't need to go anywhere, but the conversation made me very uncomfortable.

I called another mutual friend up to ask if she knew about this party. Then the truth poured forth. It was for a cosmetic brand.

E-hellions, I am very hurt. My condition, fears and problems are on my Facebook page, which is a medium that this friend chose to invite me with. Even if she did not read any of that, I explained to her on the phone just why I could not make it. And now I find out that it is not really a party, but for money. This is an old friend.

I want to tell her that she has crossed the line and I am deeply hurt. Everything that I can think of right now sounds very rude. I actually wrote a long Facebook private message in response which I did not send. It was on how this is such a trying time in my life and even if she cannot be supportive, at least don't try to make me risk my health further just so that she can make quick buck off me. I think it is way too blunt and awful, so I deleted it.

Suggestions? Am I overreacting?
« Last Edit: August 29, 2013, 05:54:36 AM by Nemesis »

Waterlight

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2013, 02:10:47 AM »
You are absolutely not overreacting!  Your "friend"--and I use this term very loosely--seems to think making money off you is more important than your health and your baby's health.  Her sense of entitlement is appalling. 

If she calls again about the party, just give her the standard line: "I'm afraid that won't be possible."  Lather, rinse, repeat.  If you want to, you can tell her what you've told us:  that she's crossed a line and you are deeply hurt.

I have cut someone out of my life for something similar that was important to me.  A so-called "friend" thought my doing a favor for her was more important than my honoring a commitment to help care for my then-terminally-ill father.

If your "friend" does not understand or respect your need to look out for your health and the health of your baby, cutting her out of your life may be something to consider.

“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.”--Ralph Waldo Emerson

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2013, 02:26:30 AM »
You're not overreacting at all.  Even if she's finding it difficult to grasp the full implications of bed rest (doubtful), continuing to ask after being told no is pushy.  Your baby's health is more important than her making a few bucks, and if she can't accept this and respect your wishes, then she doesn't sound like much of a friend.  She's adding extra stress you don't need.  I hope she finally gets a clue and backs off.

peaches

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2013, 02:30:29 AM »
I agree that this is horrible behavior.

The only explanation I can think of (and it is not an excuse) is that your friend has been drinking the sales pitch Kool-Ade and has lost command of her faculties.

I wouldn't send a reproof by email, because email has eternal life, and it can be spread and misused, etc. 

I would wait and see if she brings this up again. If she does, be very firm ("that will not be possible"), and it's fine to tell her you are hurt that she would give her business venture priority over the health of your baby.

I sincerely hope if she calls you, it will be to apologize.

Nora

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2013, 03:29:38 AM »
Not overreacting. What a self-centered witch!
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Emmy

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2013, 03:48:41 AM »
Not over-reacting at all.

Your friend did so many rude things here.  First of all, she is pulling a bait and switch.  Second of all, she is not taking 'no' for an answer.  It is very rude for her to push you into going to the party, even if the reason was you simply did not feel like going.  The fact she knows you have a high risk pregnancy and are on bedrest by doctor's orders and is still pushing you to attend a sales party shows that she thinks she is the center of the universe and thinks very little of your situation. 

If she is pulling that kind of pressure on you, I imagine when other guests victims go to this 'friendly get together', she'll apply a lot of pressure for them to buy cosmetics.  It really seems she values the money or goodies she'll get from selling the make-up over the well being and comfort of her friends. 

zyrs

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2013, 04:26:19 AM »
You are not overreacting.  What she did is just  :o.

Hopefully she will realize just what she did and apologize to you.

 

Nemesis

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2013, 06:01:24 AM »
Op here.

Thank you to everyone who responded, for the reassurances that I am not overreacting. I was hypersensitive during my last pregnancy so this time, I wasn't sure if my hurt and anger is actually rational and justified.

Waterlight, I read about your "friend" in your thread and she is just awful. Unbelievably terrible. I am so sorry about your dad. And I hope that "friend" will someday learn that the world does not revolve around her!

Peaches, you brought up something that I did not consider - that emails can last forever. You are absolutely right. I was so tempted to blast away, but now I will definitely refrain from a written response.

I will send her a text message tomorrow. What do you think of the wording below:

Hi, I discussed your party with Mr. Nemesis and we decided that the trip will be too risky for me and the baby. Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope you guys have a good time!

Personally, I think it is too nice and polite. But then again, I am still angry and hurt. I will sleep on it and see if my opinion changes tomorrow.

KB

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2013, 06:18:30 AM »
I will send her a text message tomorrow. What do you think of the wording below:

Hi, I discussed your party with Mr. Nemesis and we decided that the trip will be too risky for me and the baby. Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope you guys have a good time!

I must admit I'd be inclined to say something like '[Beginning as is.] Thanks for the invitation anyway, and I hope the make-up party goes really well.'

That tells her you know exactly what is going on and why without sounding at all nasty or negative. Should she have a guilty conscience, that might wingadingdingy it, which is all to the good. If she doesn't, she most likely won't even notice, but you will have said your piece, which I imagine will make you feel better.

Twik

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2013, 08:33:05 AM »
I wouldn't place the "blame" on a spouse - she'll just respond about how you have to live your own life, and your spouse shouldn't be so controlling.

Also, I think it is justified to let her know that *you* know that it is a sales party. That may, eventually, make her realize she has done a shameful thing.

So, here's my draft,

"Hi, I've checked with my doctor, and s/he says that bedrest is non-negotiable for me for the next couple of months. I'm sorry I can't attend, but I hope you and your guests have a blast, and that you get to sell a lot of product. Best wishes, Nemesis"
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2013, 08:41:25 AM »
I wouldn't place the "blame" on a spouse - she'll just respond about how you have to live your own life, and your spouse shouldn't be so controlling.

Also, I think it is justified to let her know that *you* know that it is a sales party. That may, eventually, make her realize she has done a shameful thing.

So, here's my draft,

"Hi, I've checked with my doctor, and s/he says that bedrest is non-negotiable for me for the next couple of months. I'm sorry I can't attend, but I hope you and your guests have a blast, and that you get to sell a lot of product. Best wishes, Nemesis"

I wouldn't put it on my husband, either, but nor would I put it on my doctor. I'd just tell her that I was on bed-rest and couldn't attend her make-up party.

sammycat

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2013, 09:09:09 AM »
I wouldn't put it on my husband, either, but nor would I put it on my doctor. I'd just tell her that I was on bed-rest and couldn't attend her make-up party.

Ditto.

Sharnita

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2013, 09:17:22 AM »
Upon further reflection attending a party is just not worth the risk of my health or my baby's.

Zilla

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2013, 09:26:42 AM »
I can understand how upsetting and how hurtful it is thinking it was a party for you and it turned out being a sales party.  That isn't a true friend!  I would simply decline like Sharnita mentioned.


And congratulations!  I didn't realize you were pregnant.  :)

joraemi

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2013, 09:52:57 AM »
How insensitive of her.  I'm assuming, of course, that you want to keep this person as a friend - otherwise I'd suggest the cut direct.  I don't have time for people like that in my life nor would I be bothering to justify why I'm not coming to her Sales party.

But since you want to respond, I agree that your current proposed response is too nice. I'd go with:

Self-absorbed Friend,

 I have given it some thought and I definitely will not be attending your Cosmetics party.

Nemesis





Courage is the price life  exacts for granting peace.  ~Amelia Earhart~