Author Topic: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134  (Read 31906 times)

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Fragglerocker

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #30 on: March 26, 2013, 12:37:28 PM »
I wouldn't be rude, but I wouldn't be overly sweet, either.  She lied to you and when you pressed for info, she still wouldn't give you the truth.  What kind of friend is that?  Heck, even if I weren't on bedrest or pregnant, I'd be very angry, too.

I'd just send a short email saying,

"(Friend's name),

I'm not interested in attending a sales party.  Please do not contact me about it again."

(Signed, Nemesis)


Sidenote:  I can't say I can entirely relate, but I did get a bait & switch like this once for the same type of thing (but I wasn't PG or on bedrest).   Years back, after I got divorced and my life consisted of work & going home and spending weekends & evenings alone, a friend of mine from church (who knew all this) called on a Thursday and asked if I had plans the next night (Friday), and noted that she didn't have her kids the next night (she also was divorced).  Thinking I was getting invited for a girls' night out, I said I was free.  That's when she sprung it on me that she'd forgotten she'd agreed to host a Cosmetics Party for a friend of a friend's daughter who was newly selling said cosmetics and needed people to come!  Of course, now I was roped in because she knew I was free and so a polite "I'm busy, sorry" wouldn't fly.  (Nowadays I'd have just said, You know what?  I'm not up for a cosmetics party, thanks anyway, and gone with that, but at the time, it didn't seem like a polite option.)  The party was ho-hum (about four people plus the presenter) and the girl didn't know what she was doing--she didn't know her products or even how to apply makeup properly.

JenJay

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2013, 12:43:12 PM »
I think that, while the fact that it's a sales party adds an extra sting, the bottom line is this friend pressuring you to disregard your doctor's orders to do something for her. Even if it was a dinner party or a girls' luncheon she'd still be horribly selfish to pressure you.

I wouldn't contact her at all. I'd pretend she had temporarily lost her mind and hope she didn't bring it up again. If she does I'd write her back "As I've explained to you, I am on strict bed-rest for the health and safety of myself and my unborn baby. Frankly I'm hurt that you keep asking me to disregard my child's wellbeing to come to your party." I'd leave her with that and hope she felt ashamed and apologized. If she further persisted it would be a friendship-killer.

I sympathize. When I was 36 weeks pregnant with my middle child my perinatologist advised me not to travel too far from my hospital. Not only was it a high-risk pregnancy but the baby was already measuring 41 weeks and growing. My friend wanted me to travel 90 minutes each way, alone, to attend her DD's 6th birthday party. When I told her I couldn't she got offended, which got me offended. I can't say that was the end of our 15 year friendship but it was definitely a nail in the coffin.

cicero

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #32 on: March 26, 2013, 01:09:32 PM »
nemesis - i want to add my vote - you are totally NOT overreacting. your "friend" is clueless at best (too indoctrinated in the "company line") or rude, selfish and liar at worst.

I side with those who say to not reply, at all.

if and when she does contact you again, say "I am not interested" and hang up. that is all i would do.

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*inviteseller

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #33 on: March 26, 2013, 01:41:50 PM »
Wow!  I know they are told to get as many people at these parties to maximize the earning potential, but to pressure a friend who is on bed rest with a high risk pregnancy???  Is a $20 tube of lipstick worth a friends baby???  This woman scammed you because she didn't tell you what the party was for, and is disregarding you and your baby's health, so I wouldn't look to turn her down gently if she asks again.  If she calls again to try to talk you into going to her party, I would tell her firmly that you are disappointed that she lied to you about the sales party then pressured you to come, knowing you are on doctor ordered bed rest and if money is more important that compassion towards a friend, she need not call you anymore. 

MariaE

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2013, 01:52:18 PM »
Upon further reflection attending a party is just not worth the risk of my health or my baby's.

I'd go with this. Originally I wanted you to call her out on it being a sales party, but since that information was second hand it might be wrong - unlikely, but the possibility is there.

Besides, her tactics are wrong no matter what - it being a bait and switch just makes it even worse.
 
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Amara

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #35 on: March 26, 2013, 03:16:51 PM »
You know, this appalling situation makes me wonder what it is about these home sales companies do to their new consultants to turn them so quickly from normal people to leeches. In this case, the two are "old friends."

Maybe this is worthy of another thread, maybe not. But these discussions always make me wonder.

Mikayla

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #36 on: March 26, 2013, 03:41:52 PM »
Text:  Hi Friend. Please google 3 items: "high risk pregnancy", "bedrest", and "why MLM causes friendships to blow up". 

Ok, j/k.  But if you feel your proposed text is too polite (and I agree) you could either ignore the whole thing, or call her.  Nobody can misuse a phone call.  But if you think contacting her again has the potential to cause stress, just ignore until you're more ready to deal with it. 

I don't think it's rude to ignore an invite in a bait and switch.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #37 on: March 26, 2013, 04:00:02 PM »
I had the original home sales party question, but I have say that yours is so much worse than mine!  Wow....the nerve of her!

I agree with all of the others that you really don't owe her a kind reply. 

But I do want to caution you that if you don't reply to her (which is totally your right), I wouldn't be surprised if when you don't show up at her 'party', she'll call you with the expectation of you placing an order.  Because that's what MLMs do; you'll get the 'oh, but you can still order!' cheery routine.

For a response, I think that in your situation, something like this just might sneak out of my mouth if she dared to call back: "Knowing my medical situation and how precarious this is, and the fact that I am on ordered bed rest, I wasn't sure why you were pressuring me so much to just attend a party.  But then I called (someone) and found out that there was more to the story....that you were trying to get me to endanger my health and my baby's LIFE to attend a MAKEUP SALES PARTY!  Friend, I am allowed to get up X times a day, and only to go to the bathroom.  Anything more than that has to be carefully planned, even showers.  And to think that you wanted to disregard the very real threat to my baby's health just so I could buy MAKE UP from you that I won't even be wearing, because, you know, I'm on bed rest and don't even go out?  You know, I don't even know where to go with those thoughts, and I've been having a really hard time reconciling the term 'friend' with your insistence to disregard my doctor's orders regarding my baby's LIFE, and lies that it was 'just a party' when you knew that you were going to try to sell me something.  I have to go now, because I'm getting agitated just thinking about this situation again, and that's not good for my baby's health either."   

Yes, that's a rant, but I think she needs to hear it at some point.  For a friend, her actions were appalling.  I wonder if she was always this self-centered.

Lynn2000

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #38 on: March 26, 2013, 04:03:03 PM »
How awful! Sorry to hear you're going through this. :(

I don't think she was rude to invite you, even to follow up the FB invitation with a call; it might have been more of a "how are you doing?" call with the "excuse" of the party invitation, so you wouldn't feel left out of things. But whatever your reason for saying no, her pressuring you is very rude. Also, if it's true that this particular party is a sales party, then she was even more rude, because she outright lied to you about the party's purpose.

I wouldn't contact her further about it. Yes, technically you said you'd get back to her, but more as a way to escape from the conversation, after she refused to accept your "no" several times. So I wouldn't hold myself to that. If she calls about it again, I think it would be fine to say very firmly, "I am on bedrest. Attending your party could endanger my health and my baby's. Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" Just in a firm, slow tone--not patronizing, but not defensive either. Maybe that will cut through the commercial haze--maybe she is just really enthusiastic about this new thing she's doing, but she's definitely going about it the wrong way.
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Raintree

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #39 on: March 26, 2013, 04:13:24 PM »
I agree with all the other possible responses, depending on what you are comfortable with, but my version might be:

"I've heard this is a (product) party. Is this true? I'm afraid I can't attend any kind of gathering at the moment; as I stated, I am on strict bed rest. But just so you know, I don't do sales parties, ever, so I would have declined anyway. Please, in future, be honest about the kind of party you are hosting."

Mind you, you'll probably get, "Oh this isn't a sales party. We're just doing a make-up demo and offering the option to purchase if you wish."

(P.S. My mother and I got roped into attending one of these things long ago, when  was a teenager. At the end, the rep asked everyone if they would like to host a party for their friends. One woman replied, in a very gracious tone of voice, "No thank you. I like to KEEP my friends."

hobish

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #40 on: March 26, 2013, 04:43:28 PM »
How awful! Sorry to hear you're going through this. :(

I don't think she was rude to invite you, even to follow up the FB invitation with a call; it might have been more of a "how are you doing?" call with the "excuse" of the party invitation, so you wouldn't feel left out of things. But whatever your reason for saying no, her pressuring you is very rude. Also, if it's true that this particular party is a sales party, then she was even more rude, because she outright lied to you about the party's purpose.

I wouldn't contact her further about it. Yes, technically you said you'd get back to her, but more as a way to escape from the conversation, after she refused to accept your "no" several times. So I wouldn't hold myself to that. If she calls about it again, I think it would be fine to say very firmly, "I am on bedrest. Attending your party could endanger my health and my baby's. Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" Just in a firm, slow tone--not patronizing, but not defensive either. Maybe that will cut through the commercial haze--maybe she is just really enthusiastic about this new thing she's doing, but she's definitely going about it the wrong way.

As much as i think i would kind of enjoy flying off the handle about this, I think Lynn2000's got the best idea here in not responding at all. Not only is it the high road (IMO) I think there probably wouldn't be a whole lot to be gained by arguing with her. If it does come up again, though, i also second the phrasing of a question. "Why are you still pressuring me about this, when I've already told you no?" "What makes you think i want to risk my health, and my unborn kid's health for some lipstick?" "Why is your sales party more important than my doctor's orders?" Grrrrr.  >:(

You know, this appalling situation makes me wonder what it is about these home sales companies do to their new consultants to turn them so quickly from normal people to leeches. In this case, the two are "old friends."

Maybe this is worthy of another thread, maybe not. But these discussions always make me wonder.

I wish i knew. I have people in two different groups of friends who honestly enjoy these parties. One group takes turns hosting them for everything you can think of , and they like it; it's just what they do. They might push a little to say, "Hey, it won't be like a sales party-sales party, i promise," and having gone to a few i know they are sincere. That's the extent of it, though. I wish i knew what possesses people to get so rude about it.

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lisastitch

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #41 on: March 26, 2013, 06:18:47 PM »
I am playing devil's advocate here but---

Since she's an "old friend", is there any chance that she is planning a surprise shower for you?

I still find it rude to push you on it when you're on bed rest.  A dear friend was on bed rest with her second child after delivering her first child 2 months prematurely, and I know how worried we were about her (both girls are grown and fine) so I would hope that your friends would be supportive and helpful. 

I would hate to have you fly off the handle and ruin a friendship when she might be trying to do something nice.  I'm not sure how much of a chance there is, but I wanted to toss the possibility out there.

Good luck to you and your baby.

Nemesis

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #42 on: March 26, 2013, 10:19:04 PM »
Op here.

Thank you for all your responses . I am overwhelmed by the amount of support that I  have received here!

I slept on it and spent the morning thinking about it. Because I told her that I would think about it, I am sure she will contact me again. In such a case, I would prefer to contact her on MY terms.

Btw I don't think she is planning a shower :) but it is a nice thought though.

Showers are not a norm where I come from. there are a few people who do it, but they are definitely the minority! Besides, my first child is only 2.5 years old. Plus everyone I am close to is very cautious at the moment not to even talk about preparing the house for a new baby, just in case the very worst happens.

Further details
There is a small background that I neglected to mention. A couple of years ago, she called me out for drinks. My Angel was just 6 months old then, and I was still struggling as a new mom so I declined. She spent the next 10 mins telling me about this wonderful new skin product that she discovered and started using, and how it made her look years younger. I could tell where the conversation was heading, and used my baby as an excuse to get off the phone. That weekend, MY MOM told me that this friend cornered her after church to talk to her about this new skin product!

Given this history, I am not surprised that this party is a sales party after all. It is hard to explain non-verbal cues, but I did get suspicious enough during our conversation to ask what the party is about. There was just something in the way she spoke, or perhaps in the way she was refusing to take no for an answer. There was something just "off", if you get what I mean. Our mutual friend's explanation made so much sense that I don't question it at all.

The thing is, this was my best friend at one point in my life. We spent 4 days a week together and I had slept over at her house almost every week. I even had space in her closet for my clothes! We did everything together and were like sisters.

Suggestions on the wording
Anyway, I think I will only contact her later today, after my trip to the hospital. I do need to see my doctor today who will let me know if further hospitalisation is needed, or if I get to stay home on bed rest.

If I get sent to prison the ward, then I will simply tell her:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?

mmswm

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42
« Reply #43 on: March 26, 2013, 10:33:02 PM »
Huge hugs, Nemesis.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else.  One thing I noticed when I was dealing with my own high risk pregnancies is that some people just don't understand how risky some pregnancies can be.  Some of the attitudes I've encountered....

-Women have been having babies for thousands of years, after all, how sick can you really be? 

-Pregnant women complain about discomfort all the time.  You're just being a drama queen.

-So maybe you're having a little trouble.  The doctors are just being overly cautious.  You can defy orders and come to work/my party/church and nothing bad will happen.

It's possible that your friend is suffering from one of the above delusions. I would go with a strongly worded, but very calm statement that conveys how hurt you are by her disregard for your health.  Maybe something like "Sandra, I have thought about this and am very hurt that you have chosen to minimize the threat to my health and my baby's life by pressuring me to come to a party of any sort. I have also heard that this is going to be a sales party, which compounds the hurt by leading me to believe that you consider padding your bank account more important than the possible death of my baby.  It is going to take me a long time to get through the pain you have caused, and I would appreciate it if you would at least respect me enough to take a step back while I concentrate on bringing a healthy baby into this world."

That might be too wordy.  Maybe some of the other ehellions can help condense it?
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Frog24

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Re: Sales party: the bait and switch!
« Reply #44 on: March 26, 2013, 11:25:23 PM »
Here, I adjusted the wording for you:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?

If you show any inkling of inquiring about the type of party, she'll take it as interest in the product and start pushing you on it.  You already have a good idea about what type of party it is, so I wouldn't even ask.  (Even if you'll follow up with all the good rebuttals when she says that it is a sales party.)