Sales party: the bait and switch! Update #42, #48, #90, #109, FINAL #134

[RingTailedLemur]

Here, I adjusted the wording for you:

"Sandra, I am in the hospital and am in no condition to attend any party. Btw, I heard that this is a Cosmetic Brand party. Is it true?"

If I am well enough to stay home (fingers crossed), I will tell her a mixture of all your responses:

"Sandra, as I had responded through Facebook and on the phone, I cannot come to your party without risking the health and safety of me and my baby. Please stop asking me. Btw, is this a Cosmetic Brand party?

If you show any inkling of inquiring about the type of party, she'll take it as interest in the product and start pushing you on it.  You already have a good idea about what type of party it is, so I wouldn't even ask.  (Even if you'll follow up with all the good rebuttals when she says that it is a sales party.)

I agree.

[YummyMummy66]

I would not tell her that due to your health and the baby's health, you cannot attend.

She will want to come visit and bring you a booklet.

You need to tell her that, "Thank you Sandy, but I am simply not interested in the product you are trying to sell.  Please do not bring up this subject again".

[chibichan]

I would be even more vague ...

"For the sake my and my baby's health , I will no longer be socializing for any reason . Please do not include or notify me of any events ."

This will cut her off at the pass , should she decide to bring this junk to you .

As for telling her how you feel - that's your call to make , but considering how close you were in the past , it almost sounds like she's not even the person you once knew ( the word "brainwashed " come to mind ). It's sad , for sure . I think you should just cut her loose and remember the friend she was before she was possessed by XYZ Company .

Someday she may snap out of it and even offer up an apology but right now she has " sales blinders " on and is most likely clueless about how crass and unfeeling she is coming across as . I"ll bet that in her mind , she is doing you a big favor by letting you in on The Greatest Thing Ever ! .

Hugs to you and your sweet baby . You are in my thoughts and prayers for a happy , healthy and safe delivery . This is stress you do not need and really , in the big picture - is this person that important to you right now ? I believe the answer is NO.

Let her go until you have the time and desire to decide whether or not you want her in your life .

[Nemesis]

Op here.

It is unbelievable. I just had some really depressing news during my visit with my doctor. Baby is still doing fine for now, but things are...shall we say, not looking so good. I came home to cry, eat junk food and surf the net for relief. Then I received a Skype message from her! Just 15 mins ago!

She asked me if I was alright. I thought it was a good start to a friendly conversation so I told her the truth, which was that I really wasn't doing so well right now. She said ok, and asked if there is anything she could do. I asked if she could pray for me and the baby, which she agreed to.

So far so good. Then it went downhill from then on. Btw, mmswm is right. I don't think my friend understands how serious my condition really is. Here is how the Skyping went:

S: So do u still think u will be up for the party?
Me: Are u serious? Do u even think I want to attend any party, or that I am in any condition to do so? Do you understand that I may lose my baby?
S: Oh, sorry.

Then silence. I had nothing more to say, and she had nothing more to add, I guess.

I didn't even care if I was hurtful to her. I was crying as I typed that last sentence, which was why I stopped after that. I didn't even bring up the fact that I knew it was a SALES party, which I kind of regret now.

[LeveeWoman]

((((((((Nemesis))))))))))

[Nemesis]

Op here.

I forgot to add that I posted on Facebook immediately after the visit. Many friends and family have contacted me since, and I had initially thought she was doing the same. Stupid me.

[LeveeWoman]

S: So do u still think u will be up for the party?


This sounds as if she never paid attention to your refusal in the first
place.

[Gyburc]

Oh, Nemesis. (((Hugs))) to you, and I will be keeping you and your baby in my prayers (and all your family too).

I think you did the right thing, and I don't think there would be any point mentioning the sales aspect. Whatever the reason for the party, she is still being dreadfully self-centred. Personally, I would cut her off after this.

I really, really hope that everything goes well for you, and will be thinking of you.

Take care,

G

[Kari]

Big hugs to you, Nemesis. Prayers and good thoughts to you during this stressful time.

It sounds like your friend let dreams of big sales drown out everything around her. Like LeveeWoman pointed out, it sounds like she never took no for an answer. If she's a good person at heart, what you said on Skype will be a wakeup call and she won't bother you about it anymore. If she truly drank the Kool-Aid, you'll find your inbox clogged with "party" invites in the future and you'll only hear from her when she wants you to buy from her.

[Piratelvr1121]

I agree with all the other possible responses, depending on what you are comfortable with, but my version might be:

"I've heard this is a (product) party. Is this true? I'm afraid I can't attend any kind of gathering at the moment; as I stated, I am on strict bed rest. But just so you know, I don't do sales parties, ever, so I would have declined anyway. Please, in future, be honest about the kind of party you are hosting."

Mind you, you'll probably get, "Oh this isn't a sales party. We're just doing a make-up demo and offering the option to purchase if you wish."

(P.S. My mother and I got roped into attending one of these things long ago, when  was a teenager. At the end, the rep asked everyone if they would like to host a party for their friends. One woman replied, in a very gracious tone of voice, "No thank you. I like to KEEP my friends."

Never fails, every single time I read that, in my head I hear Dame Maggie Smith's voice. 

OP, I'm so sorry to hear your friend is treating you this way, but it seems, with your latest update, that she's finally at least gotten the message that you really do NOT want anything to do with the party and are upset with her.   And don't feel guilty, because if she hadn't pushed, you wouldn't have had to be brutally honest with her, which I don't think is harsh, just the blunt truth she really needed to hear.

I'd cut her off too. 

[Cami]

I am very sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Hugs.

[cicero]

huge hugs nemesis

Please Please Please - don't worry if you hurt her feelings or not, if you were rude or not (you weren't but just in case you were wondering).

PLEASE focus on you and your baby right now. that is *all* that matters right now. I would defriend her from FB for now (or at least have her so you can't see her and she can't contact you) and let your *real* friends support you.

I hope everything will be ok with your baby. please take care of yourself.

[buvezdevin]

Hugs and sending good thoughts for you, Nemesis.

I hope you will be able to put aside any further thoughts about this friend, who has not behaved as a true friend as she continued pressing you to comply with her desires while maintaining what seems a willful disregard for your best interests and concerns.

[Hillia]

huge hugs nemesis

Please Please Please - don't worry if you hurt her feelings or not, if you were rude or not (you weren't but just in case you were wondering).

PLEASE focus on you and your baby right now. that is *all* that matters right now. I would defriend her from FB for now (or at least have her so you can't see her and she can't contact you) and let your *real* friends support you.

I hope everything will be ok with your baby. please take care of yourself.

POD to this.  You and your baby are the only things to think about right now.  Focus entirely on taking care of yourself.  I'll be praying for  you both.

[GrammarNerd]

It would be hurtful anyway, but the fact that *you know* that she keeps badgering you about a sales party just amps up the hurtfulness. 

Personally, I love your response.  It was perfect, even though I'm sure it was very difficult for you to type out.

Just remember that all of the virtual positive vibes that you're getting from everyone on here can squash her negative self centeredness into the dust.  We're all pulling for you.

OP, what about your friend that alerted you to the fact that this was a sales party?  If you need someone to talk to directly, can you talk to her about what has transpired with this?  She knows all of the parties involved so that might help.

Many hugs to you.