General Etiquette > Life...in general

Giving out a phone number without permission.

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daen:

--- Quote from: CakeEater on March 29, 2013, 02:01:55 AM ---I must be very lucky. I had never heard giving someone else's phone number rude. And I've never had it be a problem that someone has my number, having been passed on by someone else, which has happened many times. My phone number is in the phone book, able to be looked up by anyone.

--- End quote ---

A publically-listed number is a different matter, I think; trying to keep a listed number a secret would be like trying to keep the tide from coming in by building a dam on the beach with a sandbox shovel.
It's been my experience, though, that cell phones are rarely listed. I don't consider non-listed numbers to be public domain information, and as a result, I wouldn't hand them out. Also in my experience, for many people phone implies cell phone, so there is an assumption that a phone number is ipso facto not listed.

CharlieBraun:
In my opinion, it is always rude and a violation of privacy to give out the home phone number or personal cell number of any other individual without express consent.  OP's update is kind of a non-starter for me; even if she hadn't expressly said "don't give it out," the friend should not have given it out.

My first H and I had a private home number that we gave out to family and friends.  One of his friends was a moocher of the first order who had our original number, before we changed it and we went unlisted.  Undeterred by this, he called my then-MIL and asked her for our new number, which she cheerfully gave him.  He then called us and started again on the mooch-a-thon.  (Sidebar:  If I answered, it was never "hi, CharlieBraun, this is Larry, is Mike available?" It was "lemme talk to Mike.")

Larry called once, then a second time in the same day.  At 8 am the next morning, we changed our phone number again and this time, when we gave it to the family, we said "we had to change this again and pay a fee for the change and for it to be unlisted.  Please don't give this out to anyone."

Last week, in spite of having told a friend of ours to have his (odd) friend email us about a hobby that H engages in, that friend gave out my H's cell phone number.  Odd friend called, a total stranger and out of the blue, to query my husband on his extensive collection.  I text messaged our friend and said hey, most uncool. 

TootsNYC:

--- Quote from: daen on March 29, 2013, 09:47:13 AM ---
--- Quote from: CakeEater on March 29, 2013, 02:01:55 AM ---I must be very lucky. I had never heard giving someone else's phone number rude. And I've never had it be a problem that someone has my number, having been passed on by someone else, which has happened many times. My phone number is in the phone book, able to be looked up by anyone.

--- End quote ---

A publically-listed number is a different matter, I think; trying to keep a listed number a secret would be like trying to keep the tide from coming in by building a dam on the beach with a sandbox shovel.
It's been my experience, though, that cell phones are rarely listed. I don't consider non-listed numbers to be public domain information, and as a result, I wouldn't hand them out. Also in my experience, for many people phone implies cell phone, so there is an assumption that a phone number is ipso facto not listed.

--- End quote ---

Even when a number is in the phone book, I would never give it out. If the asker wants it, they can go to the phone book; I'm not going to make it easy for them.

Bijou:
I have a strict rule of not giving anyone's phone number or other personal info out to another person without permission.  Nor do I ask for that info.   If asked, I get the asker's number and tell them I will pass it on to the person they want to reach.  Maybe I shouldn't even do that, but rather let the other guy know that someone is trying to reach them and let them take it from there, if they wish so I don't become a 'middleman'.

HoneyBee42:

--- Quote from: RooRoo on March 28, 2013, 06:27:39 PM ---Speaking as someone who once had to get police protection against a stalker - personal phone numbers should NEVER be given out, not by family, not by friends, not by businesses or employers.

Nobody should have to request that you keep it private, or, worse, explain why they don't want to give their number out. It's nobody else's business.

Which makes "I'm afraid that will not be possible" the perfect response. It's your choice whether or not to follow up by volunteering to pass a message.

--- End quote ---

I agree--I also was stalked (by my now ex-husband, we were in the middle of the divorce proceedings then--I wanted all communication to take place w/ my attorney present, he thought it'd be better if I got into the car with him alone when no one'd know where I was or even that I was with him to "talk" and "make it all go away"), and I had an order of protection against him, and he called the house w/ hang up calls (I knew, but could not prove it was him because he called from two different pay phones) in the double-digits times per day.  I got the phone number changed and went unpublished (you cannot get my number through directory assistance or any other means besides being given the number or hacking my provider).  I explained to the phone company (which was really good about it) what was going on, and since I worked relay I was familiar with several "this phone number isn't working/has been changed" messages and specified the message I wanted for people dialing the old number. ("The number you are calling has been changed, disconnected, or is no longer in service.  No further information is available.")  Not so coincidentally, the day the phone # change went into effect, I didn't get another hang up call, but oldest son *did* get one call to his cell phone, and his provider also agreed to change the number, waiving the fee, and give the dead wall message for the old number.

Even with 900 miles between us, I pay the extra $5/mo to remain unpublished.  My number does *not* go out to anyone that I don't know personally or my doctor/dentist and other professionals who can be trusted to keep my info secret, and when they are given the number, they are given *strict* instructions not to share.  With the internet, 900 miles isn't necessarily much distance, and changing one's phone number is a real pain.

Workplace--I am low on the totem pole, no one needs to contact me at other than my direct line at work.  If I were in a supervisory position (one of our rules is that if you're doing a no-notice call in, like you got sick during the night, you are to call your supervisor or go up the chain until you reach a live person and we are given the cell phone #s of the supervisors in the chain that we're to call), I'd get myself another pay-as-you-go and that would be the only # that would be given out.  My personal cell doesn't go out to anyone other than family and a *very* small circle of friends.

I know it sounds extreme, but that is the sort of thing that having been a stalking victim does to you.  I wouldn't share a number without direct instructions to "give this number to ----".  Obviously, because of my experience, I think that should be the default--I don't think one should even be indiscriminate about sharing a work # (just imagine how disruptive getting double digit hang up calls or having the people whose work lines were a digit or two off from yours getting those calls, too).

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