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Would you be a child again?

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I think it is self-determination in degrees. Starting with a toddler, they should have a choice in things on occasion. Gradually increase as they age, then when they are a teen and much more exposed to people and concepts, they are able to make choices for themselves.

People raise their children differently, and that is their right. My son's cousin has been raised to never make her own choices, her life was planned out years ahead. They are the same age, and both will be learning to drive this year. It will be interesting to see.

I fear for that girl.


--- Quote from: CakeEater on April 04, 2013, 12:45:03 AM ---
--- Quote from: Sophia on April 01, 2013, 05:30:08 PM ---
I find it interesting that so many people would be really bothered by the lack of self-determination.  But in all the parenting books I've read, (and it has been a lot) only one has mentioned the importance of respecting kids as people and giving kids as much control over their life as they can handle.  Many of the other books mentioned giving choices but they are silly ones.  'Would you like the blue or orange sippy cup?"   IRL I've heard mom's complain about even offering these choices because their kid takes so long to decide.  If that was one of my few choices, I'd probably spend some time deciding too.

--- End quote ---

But kids just can't have the amount of control over their lives that adults do, a) because they're not ready to handle that kind of responsibility, and b) how would you run a household when every member had that level of control over their lives? Also c) I don't remember it being horrible not having control over things at the time - it's now, in retrospect that I appreciate making my own choices and wouldn't want to go back to a state where I couldn't.

Kids can't decide what they're going to eat for every meal for all sorts of sensible reasons. Just because I like being able to choose my own meals now, doesn't mean I'm going to start letting my kids choose their dinners and cook three different meals every night.

--- End quote ---

See that was my point - most of the stuff that I really remember being hurt and frustrated over not being able to control, was an entirely sensible decision on the part of the adults at the time.  The problem was that, as a child, I often didn't have the words to communicate clearly what I needed and why, and I wasn't typically considered trustworthy in the same way adults are.  Things that were genuinely wrong often got lost in a sea of adults trying to decide what to believe and how to make sure I did all the things I needed to do.


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