Author Topic: And what about YOU???  (Read 3861 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2013, 09:01:25 PM »
I wouldn't miss the party but have some of the great responses ready already provided.


If asked about a boyfriend, just smile and say "oh, I'm having a great time at college."

"We'll, are you dating anyone?"
"I have quit a few friends but I'm not interested in a serious relationship."

"Well, why not?"
"I don't think college is the right time to tie yourself down. There's time for that later."

"But what are you doing to keep busy?"
"I'm taking this really interesting class on on post structural philosophy and we were discussing the work of Judith Butler and her stance on the queer theory. Have you studied her or read any of her works?"

sweetonsno

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2013, 09:14:44 PM »
I'm 30 and single. I've never really had any long-term relationships. No particular reason; I just haven't found anybody who was enthusiastic about me at the same time that I was enthusiastic about them (or vice versa). I find that most of the time, people don't grill me about it. It's not a sore spot for me, but I do get annoyed on the rare occasions when someone inadvertently implies that I *should* have one.

As for the school thing, pursuing additional education is nothing to sneeze at. If you are excited about what you are learning and that path that you are on, no worries! You don't *have* to be established in a career/home/relationship at your age. If anybody implies that you should be, you can give them a surprised look.

GrammarNerd

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #17 on: March 27, 2013, 09:33:20 PM »
Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, focus on what you have done. So, when asked, "what about you?" Respond with things like,

  • Last semester I took an a class in ______. It was really interesting because ______.
  • Oh, I went to Whatever City for a week last summer! It was so much fun! I saw thisInterestingThing, and thatFantasticMuseum!
  • I'm getting closer to graduating! This semester I'm taking a class in SomethingInteresting that will help me in my career...

You get the idea. My husband can make even the most mundane things sound OH SO EXCITING.

I kind of agree with this.  Pick out a few things, and practice saying them with an extremely upbeat tone in your voice.  Sound excited!  If YOU sound confident and comfortable with what you're saying, you'll communicate that to whoever you're speaking with, and they won't put you on the spot as much.

I experienced a different situation, but I used was the same approach.  I have three kids, all boys.  Well, it seems that when you have a second child that's the same gender as your first, people feel compelled to imply that you 'need' different genders to be a complete family, or even offer you their condolences that you didn't get 'one of each'.   I got that reaction with our second child when I dared to tell a couple of people that we were having another boy  (I'd basically kept it a secret, but yes, I had to actually say to someone "well, he's healthy" to explain to someone that I was OK with not having a girl.  Sheesh!).   So anyway, when I was pregnant with my third and found out he was also a boy, I didn't try any of the subterfuge with anyone.  I just plastered the brightest smile on my face and said very happily, "I'm having my third little boy!"  And do you know what?  Nobody said one single negative word or comment to me.  Everyone was congratulatory and positive.  I think now that my attitude made ALL the difference, like my big smile was daring them to say anything negative to me.  And it worked!!

So work on some responses, practice them, and be ultra-confident and happy in whatever you're saying.  People will take their cues from you.  If you're confident and happy, they won't think to question you or grill you about it.

cicero

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #18 on: March 28, 2013, 03:43:15 AM »
Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, focus on what you have done. So, when asked, "what about you?" Respond with things like,

  • Last semester I took an a class in ______. It was really interesting because ______.
  • Oh, I went to Whatever City for a week last summer! It was so much fun! I saw thisInterestingThing, and thatFantasticMuseum!
  • I'm getting closer to graduating! This semester I'm taking a class in SomethingInteresting that will help me in my career...

You get the idea. My husband can make even the most mundane things sound OH SO EXCITING.
this. you know - i am twice divorced and a single parent and have NO intention of getting married. It is *so* not the norm in my cultural/family circles, but I don't really care what other people think about me. It is *my* life and your life is your life - you aren't a failure if you are still in school and don't have a boyfriend. that is just the way you are living your life (for now or for forever). so accept yourself, and be happy and proud of who you are.

and also - isn't this party in honor of your sister's graduation? so focus on that:

"oh but enough about me, i don't want to steal sister's thunder. I'm so excited for her! graduating summa cum lauda and planning to be a teacher. that is so cool. Oh i see cousin marsha over there, excuse me".

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SamiHami

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #19 on: March 28, 2013, 12:13:08 PM »
"When are you going to get a boyfriend?"

That's about the dumbest question ever! It deserves and equally dumb answer.

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking about next Tuesday, if I can free up my schedule enough."
"Why? Are you planning to give me one for Christmas?"
"I wish I knew!" (said tearfully, while running out of the room)
"You mean I have to narrow it down to just one?"
"Why? Is my expiration date coming up soon?"
"Well, as soon as I can convince him to leave his wife (or the priesthood)."
"I am waiting to meet the right soul on the astral plane. The physical is of no interest to me."
"Why? What have you heard?" (said in an urgent, hushed tone, with eyes darting around the room suspiciously)
"I have a boyfriend. His name is George Glass. He's just not here right now." (we'll see how many people get that reference)

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

TootsNYC

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #20 on: March 28, 2013, 12:20:13 PM »
Try answering the question they SHOULD have asked?

They asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" and really they should have asked, "What's up with you that's interesting?"

So, ignore the boyfriend thing and instead say, "Oh, I had so much fun when I went to England. It was fascinating. I think Bath was the most interesting part--all these old, old stones so squarely cut and fitted together, and these layers of history. The best part, though, was the bread. When was the last time YOU got to get away for vacation? Did you like the food?"

Just never ever answer the "boyfriend" or "graduate" or "job" question. Treat them as though they're a cue for you to tell them a small, interesting thing from your travel experiences.

(Think about a few of them in advance, so you have some to bring up--a variety.)

And another vote for the upbeat delivery.

And then immediately ask them an open-ended question about their life, bcs people would really rather talk about themselves anyway. (Esp. the kind of people who pressure you about boyfriends, etc.)

BeagleMommy

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #21 on: March 28, 2013, 03:23:07 PM »
Have you tried giving them a really specific answer?

Them:  When are YOU going to get a boyfriend.

You:  April 43, 2022 at precisely 14 o'clock.

Elisabunny

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2013, 04:52:35 PM »
"When are YOU going to get a boyfriend?

Oh, you know what they say about college: good grades, sleep, or social life: pick two.  I just don't have time for a boyfriend right now.
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

Kaypeep

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2013, 04:53:44 PM »
POD that it's all in the attitude.  I suspect that if you are an introvert these people are just trying to engage in conversation by asking you questions, but if you can be proactive by being a bit upbeat and carrying the conversation by lobbing a question right back at them, you'll avoid a lot of the uncomfortable questions.

GUEST:  So what's new with you?
OP:  Well I just finished by spring semester and i have 2 classes this summer. I'm still studying (field) and am hoping to get a job next fall in the ______ industry.  But as you know it's tough out there for work all over.  How about you?  Has your industry been affected by the economy?  Do you think things are getting better or worse, or the same? 
or What did you go to college for?  Is your current job what you thought you'd be doing when you finished school? How did you choose your career path?

Basically.  Answer their question and then turn the table back on them. 

Coley

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #24 on: March 28, 2013, 05:04:51 PM »
"I have a boyfriend. His name is George Glass. He's just not here right now." (we'll see how many people get that reference)

LOL!

Coley

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #25 on: March 28, 2013, 05:05:46 PM »
Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, focus on what you have done. So, when asked, "what about you?" Respond with things like,

  • Last semester I took an a class in ______. It was really interesting because ______.
  • Oh, I went to Whatever City for a week last summer! It was so much fun! I saw thisInterestingThing, and thatFantasticMuseum!
  • I'm getting closer to graduating! This semester I'm taking a class in SomethingInteresting that will help me in my career...

You get the idea. My husband can make even the most mundane things sound OH SO EXCITING.

This. Put a positive spin on what you're doing.

*inviteseller

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #26 on: March 28, 2013, 06:04:09 PM »
What is it about people asking single females of legal age if they have a man???  Drives me crazy!  We females can survive without a man in our lives just fine (well unless the spider is really big!  ::))  I am an extrovert and personal questions that tend to have a tsktsk attached to it aggravate the heck out of me !  I would just tell the nosy nellies that you are so busy with furthering your education and taking great trips to want to settle down, have you tried the bean dip?

Redneck Gravy

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #27 on: March 28, 2013, 06:18:16 PM »
What is it about people asking single females of legal age if they have a man???  Drives me crazy!  We females can survive without a man in our lives just fine (well unless the spider is really big!  ::))  I am an extrovert and personal questions that tend to have a tsktsk attached to it aggravate the heck out of me !  I would just tell the nosy nellies that you are so busy with furthering your education and taking great trips to want to settle down, have you tried the bean dip?

Ditto, and my standard response is, "how does this concern you?"

KenveeB

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #28 on: March 28, 2013, 09:33:44 PM »
What is it about people asking single females of legal age if they have a man???  Drives me crazy!  We females can survive without a man in our lives just fine (well unless the spider is really big!  ::))  I am an extrovert and personal questions that tend to have a tsktsk attached to it aggravate the heck out of me !  I would just tell the nosy nellies that you are so busy with furthering your education and taking great trips to want to settle down, have you tried the bean dip?

The spider would have to be Shelob for me to bother bringing in a man for it. ;)  My standard answer to this (34 and no long-term relationships to date!) is "I'm having too much fun being single." So far no one's come up with anything to counter that.

KB

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Re: And what about YOU???
« Reply #29 on: March 29, 2013, 05:42:03 AM »
"When are you going to get a boyfriend?"

That's about the dumbest question ever! It deserves and equally dumb answer.

"Oh, I don't know. I was thinking about next Tuesday, if I can free up my schedule enough."
"Why? Are you planning to give me one for Christmas?"
"I wish I knew!" (said tearfully, while running out of the room)
"You mean I have to narrow it down to just one?"
"Why? Is my expiration date coming up soon?"
"Well, as soon as I can convince him to leave his wife (or the priesthood)."
"I am waiting to meet the right soul on the astral plane. The physical is of no interest to me."
"Why? What have you heard?" (said in an urgent, hushed tone, with eyes darting around the room suspiciously)
"I have a boyfriend. His name is George Glass. He's just not here right now." (we'll see how many people get that reference)

All of these made me laugh inordinately hard!