Inconvenience not acknowledged - inconsiderate?

[lilblu]

Earlier this week my grandma needed to have a minor procedure done and needed me to "babysit" her handicapped husband (grandpa). Since her daughter-in-law was driving her, she also needed me to babysit her grandson (my cousin). They told me they would be gone about two hours or so at the most.

So three and a half hours later (an extra hour and a half later than what they said) they come home with shopping bags. They told me that the hospital had made a mistake and the procedure couldn't be done there. So my grandma and her daughter-in-law decided to do their Easter shopping without even calling me and telling me about any of this. Then they tell me that the procedure needs to be rescheduled for Saturday and they need me to babysit then, if it was ok with me.

I thought about it and decided that it would be more overall convenient for me to do it Saturday (rather than next week), but I'm a little miffed because my family is off of work this week for spring break and I'm losing an extra day with them because of this. I thought it was incredibly inconsiderate for them to just go shopping without even calling me first and asking if that was ok condidering that they would need me to babysit Saturday. I would have preferred for them to just come right home instead of going shopping so that I could spend more time with my family. They could have gone shopping another day.

Is it me or were they inconsiderate? I mean, they didn't even acknowledge or apologize for the inconvenience. I'm not even getting paid for any of this (and I never expected to). If I were getting paid, this might all be a different story. And some of my issue is that my cousin is prone to being kind of naughty and I hate dealing with naughty kids. I got lucky with his behavior the other day, but I might not be so lucky Saturday. So I'm just wondering if they should have called me as soon as they knew the procedure couldn't be done that day? Were they inconsiderate? I'm going to tell them Saturday that if the procedure gets cancelled again, that I expect them to come straight home unless they plan on compensating me for my wasted time. Or is that rude?

[Roe]

They were absolutely inconsiderate.  Personally, I wouldn't sit for them any longer.

[WillyNilly]

Of course it was inconsiderate. that is literally the definition of the word - they failed to consider the impact of their actions on you.

I think its perfectly reasonable and polite on Saturday to say "please call me if anything changes with the plans. While I am available to assist the family I found the other day's behavior very inconsiderate. You were not only an hour and a half later in returning then you had told me, but you also were not even where I was led to believe you would be. I have other plans and other family I need to spend time with and I would appreciate better communication."

[bloo]

Agreed with PP's. If they'd called you right away and asked if it was okay to shop, you might not have minded or you might have said, 'No, I'd like to spend time with my family, so please come back.'

That would have been considerate.

They're behavior showed they felt entitled to your babysitting services.

WillyNilly's suggestion for letting them know not to do this again is good.

[lowspark]

POD. Personally, I think you're pretty nice now to agree to do this again on Saturday. I would have poliitely declined and just said I had other plans, sorry. They took advantage of you. Not nice.

[Bottlecaps]

POD to WillyNilly - let them know that you're OK with helping them out, but good communication is key as you have to plan your day around this and if they don't keep you abreast of what's going on and/or are late getting back, etc., it's a domino effect and ruins your other plans for the day. Even then, it wouldn't be rude to reconsider sitting on Saturday. In that case, explain to them that what they did was very inconsiderate and that if they can't stick to the original plan on Saturday, then you may not be able to sit for them as you have other things that need to be taken care of as well.

[lilblu]

Oh, good! I'm glad other people agree with me. I thought maybe I was making too much out of the situation. Thank you.

My problem is that I'm a bit of a push over/door mat because I hate confrontation and I strive to be courteous and polite. Plus, I have problems speaking politely to people when I'm upset with them.

[TootsNYC]

Oh, good! I'm glad other people agree with me. I thought maybe I was making too much out of the situation. Thank you.

My problem is that I'm a bit of a push over/door mat because I hate confrontation and I strive to be courteous and polite. Plus, I have problems speaking politely to people when I'm upset with them.

Maybe you should be less willing to help when they ask for the help in the first place. Indicate that you have other plans for the day. Let them realize that it is a BIG favor you're doing for them.

[Oh Joy]

Oh, good! I'm glad other people agree with me. I thought maybe I was making too much out of the situation. Thank you.

My problem is that I'm a bit of a push over/door mat because I hate confrontation and I strive to be courteous and polite. Plus, I have problems speaking politely to people when I'm upset with them.

For Saturday, can you offer to take Grandma while Cousin visits with Grandpa and her own child?   

[doodlemor]

I think that you were not treated well, lilblu, and that these people were very inconsiderate and took your services for granted.  Not OK.

If you do say yes to Saturday [and I like Joy's idea of driving grandma yourself while DIL stays with grandpa],  then little cousin should be left in the care of his father at his own home.  Presumably, you were caring for the little rascal boy because his dad was working.  Hopefully, Dad is not working on Saturday. 

Wait a minute.  Now that I think about this,  it seems like your uncle should be taking his own mother to the procedure, and his wife can stay with grandpa, or vice versa.  I see no reason why you have to be involved on Saturday as you already have plans to be with your family, and did your duty already when grandma and aunt in law chose to go shopping.

[gramma dishes]

You agreed to do them a favor.  You did what you agreed to.

They changed the rules in two ways:  by not being where they were supposed to be and by coming home much later than they had said they would.

Now they want you to devote even MORE of your time.  I wouldn't do it.  You went to do what you'd agreed to.  Once should be enough.  There are plenty of alternative ways for them to do this on Saturday without imposing on you yet again.

[Bottlecaps]

Oh, good! I'm glad other people agree with me. I thought maybe I was making too much out of the situation. Thank you.

My problem is that I'm a bit of a push over/door mat because I hate confrontation and I strive to be courteous and polite. Plus, I have problems speaking politely to people when I'm upset with them.

You're definitely not making too much out of the situation!

The whole reason I joined this forum was to learn how to be polite but firm, as I too tend to be a doormat. However, slowly but surely, this particular doormat is growing her spine, and I'm sure you will too.

[kudeebee]

Oh, good! I'm glad other people agree with me. I thought maybe I was making too much out of the situation. Thank you.

My problem is that I'm a bit of a push over/door mat because I hate confrontation and I strive to be courteous and polite. Plus, I have problems speaking politely to people when I'm upset with them.

I would not be doing this favor for them again on Saturday, especially since they went shopping instead of coming right home when they found out the procedure was rescheduled.  I would have told them when they returned that they were inconsiderate of your time, especially since you are taking away time from YOUR family, by going shopping, being late, and not calling to see if that was okay with you.

I would call them up and tell them that after you checked your calendar at home, there is something going on Saturday and you won't be able to help them after all.  Wish grandma well with the procedure and then enjoy your day with your family.  Why should you reward their bad behavior and taking advantage of you by giving up more of your time?

[cicero]

I think it's not OK that they used this babysitting time that was allocated for a medical procedure, to go shopping, especially since they didn't * ask *  but rather just *did*

However, I was wondering, how handicapped is you grandpa? How much does this make your grandma housebound, so to speak? Who usually helps her out?Because, while it wasn't OK,, and it certainly isn't the OP's responsibility, I could see her thinking in terms of 'yay! Thanks to granddaughter,  I have a few hours of 'freedom''

[gramma dishes]

...   Why should you reward their bad behavior and taking advantage of you by giving up more of your time?   ...

And there is is.

I think this is one of those situations that falls in the "you teach people how to treat you" category.  If you let them get by with taking advantage of you, they'll just keep doing it because you will have TAUGHT them they can!