General Etiquette > Life...in general

“Now, who could it be? Could it be ... Satan?” AKA Dealing with Church Ladies

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Poppea:
1.  The newsletter and evites are sent out by a staffer/volunteer.  A church lady/vestry member approves all outgoing communications.  Getting approval of outgoing communications is standard in many organizations.  Its the crazy editing.  (Changing wording, design elements etc when the originals were totally fine.

We can't schedule staffers.  Its been stupid stuff like not scheduling the sexton to clean up after an event, so the volunteers had to do all the work themselves. 

doodlemor:

--- Quote from: gramma dishes on March 28, 2013, 08:46:17 PM ---  I think they're envious that your events go smoothly and achieve a degree of success that's unprecedented and they don't like that.  I smell Sabotage.

--- End quote ---

I smell it too, with a faint odor of brimstone. 

I think that several of your group should get together and make a list of all the mean girl stuff that they have done, and then go to the rector.

Don't  tell him that they did this deliberately, though.  Males don't always  understand the nasty subtleties of mean girl behavior.  If he does catch on - great - but you can't count on it.

Instead, tell the rector that your group has really enjoyed doing xyz fund raisers for the church.  However, the individuals in some of the positions in the church got **mixed up** when trying to help, and consequently goofed up some of the efforts by the volunteers.  You could call these things "misunderstandings," too.

Discuss your list with him so that he understands the ramifications of the "mistakes" that these ladies have done.  Make sure that he understands that these problems have created extra work for volunteers, who might not be so eager to help again. 

Ask/tell/beseech  the rector to let your group have sole control of your events from start to finish - including the notification to the sexton.

*inviteseller:
Let me see if I can paint a picture of the seriously involved church ladies...all 50+ yrs old, never worked outside of the house, kids are gone, have been members of the church 20 years or more?  That was the ones that ruled the roost at the church I grew up in.  Sweet nice ladies UNTIL someone younger or with less years vested tried to 'take over' the pancake breakfasts or spaghetti dinners or the nursery.  Then these women became just evil.  They did not like that the ministers wife ran the office for him...they weren't the first to know and make judgement calls.  The younger group, that was by no means 'taking over' running of operations but were just trying to help hit the same snags you are.  All you can continue to do is circumvent them and run everything pass your rector and just smile when they try their PA games.  These women have the church as their lives and don't want to give up as much as a decision of which syrup to use at the pancake breakfast.

Poppea:

--- Quote from: *inviteseller on March 29, 2013, 12:18:46 AM ---Let me see if I can paint a picture of the seriously involved church ladies...all 50+ yrs old, never worked outside of the house, kids are gone, have been members of the church 20 years or more?  That was the ones that ruled the roost at the church I grew up in.  Sweet nice ladies UNTIL someone younger or with less years vested tried to 'take over' the pancake breakfasts or spaghetti dinners or the nursery.  Then these women became just evil.  They did not like that the ministers wife ran the office for him...they weren't the first to know and make judgement calls.  The younger group, that was by no means 'taking over' running of operations but were just trying to help hit the same snags you are.  All you can continue to do is circumvent them and run everything pass your rector and just smile when they try their PA games.  These women have the church as their lives and don't want to give up as much as a decision of which syrup to use at the pancake breakfast.

--- End quote ---

CRUD MONKEYS! - I almost gave the example of syrup at the pancake breakfast.  It wasn't that exactly, but something very similar at another event.  Completely micromanaging an absurd thing to the point where we were sitting back and laughing among ourselves at how anyone could possibly care about something so petty.  Like insisting that the napkin folds at a dinner be the "fan" shape rather than "bishops mitre".  So petty that you're highly amused, irritated, and sorry for her at the same time.

Its pretty clear that given their druthers, other volunteers would be relegated to "clean up crew".

*inviteseller:
Lol @ the syrup...these ladies are universal.  Our wonderful minister encouraged the youth to be involved in these activities to make us as much a part of the congregation as the iron fisted ladies and they.were.not.happy!  But they have to understand that as they age, a new group has to be able to step up to the plate as they become unable to do it all or, as what happened at my church, those ladies chased out the minister, got one in they liked and the congregation went from over 200 to honestly a handful and it is now struggling to stay afloat. Even with the tiny group that worships there now, it is still the same women running the show and not letting others join in on the activities that need volunteers.   If people do not feel welcome, they find somewhere else they will be. 

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