Author Topic: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37  (Read 18997 times)

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Twik

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2013, 01:10:57 PM »
She seems to be going very fast even if she hadn't been warned about him.  Holding hands the second they meet face-to-face?  Cabin as the second date?

Well, my roommate I mentioned above worked so fast that she met one man at the door for her first date wearing a chiffon negligee.

As much as you want to take these people and tell them that they can't live their lives as if they're in a particularly overwritten soap, they'll not believe you. And, strangely, they seem to get away with a lot of things that the rest of us would never survive.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2013, 03:34:16 PM »
It was unlikely that what you said would have gone over well, but I feel that you did the right thing by telling her about your experience.  Going any further than that would have been overstepping, but you didn't do that.  You gave her fair warning and dropped it to let her continue on as she wished to.

Hopefully this won't impact your volunteer work too terribly much.  If her not speaking to you starts to become an impediment, I think it would be okay to ask for a different shift/pairing. 

Twik

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2013, 03:45:46 PM »
I suspect she'll be talking to you again once the Next Thrilling Installment in The Story of Her Life comes out.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

TootsNYC

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2013, 05:04:25 PM »
She seems to be going very fast even if she hadn't been warned about him.  Holding hands the second they meet face-to-face?  Cabin as the second date?

Well, my roommate I mentioned above worked so fast that she met one man at the door for her first date wearing a chiffon negligee.

As much as you want to take these people and tell them that they can't live their lives as if they're in a particularly overwritten soap, they'll not believe you. And, strangely, they seem to get away with a lot of things that the rest of us would never survive.

That's because they're supremely confident. Everyone *knows* the heroine of the movie doesn't die. And even if she has heartaches, she will always have a happy ending.

Danika

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2013, 09:45:48 PM »
I still think you did the right thing. Most people would be glad for the warning.

If it's not too hard to get another partner, I'd see if you can switch. I predict that at some point their relationship will end poorly and like a PP said, instead of her telling you "you were right. Thanks anyway," she'll just resent the fact that you were right. And there will be even more drama. I wouldn't want to be there to endure any other drama she wants to bring or P/A scream about in your direction.

Tia2

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #35 on: April 10, 2013, 06:53:23 AM »
You were definitely right to tell her and also right to back off once you'd done so. 

I hope the cabin isn't isolated and she has the sense to drive her own car up, but she is an adult and you don't know her that well.  At the very least, your warning might encourage her to take some precautions.

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2013, 10:23:18 AM »
OP, If you had not said anything to her, and when the situation goes wrong, she would be mad at you because you didn't say anything.  "D***** if you do, d***** if you don't."

KimodoDragon

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Update #21
« Reply #37 on: May 29, 2013, 03:32:36 PM »
Hello EH,

This morning, I received an email from Amber (cut and pasted below).  I haven't seen Amber in three Saturdays and I admit, I have been worried about her.  But seeing how cool she'd been towards me, I didn't contact to check on her.  Now, she is reaching out, it seems.  The thing that sticks out for me is "our place".  Would it be rude to ignore her email? 

"hello, long time-no talk!  well, i have not been around as you know, keeping busy. what have you been up to, busy?  wanna talk to you about something, you can come by our place - Amber"

Shoo

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2013, 03:48:05 PM »
Hello EH,

This morning, I received an email from Amber (cut and pasted below).  I haven't seen Amber in three Saturdays and I admit, I have been worried about her.  But seeing how cool she'd been towards me, I didn't contact to check on her.  Now, she is reaching out, it seems.  The thing that sticks out for me is "our place".  Would it be rude to ignore her email? 

"hello, long time-no talk!  well, i have not been around as you know, keeping busy. what have you been up to, busy?  wanna talk to you about something, you can come by our place - Amber"

Do you want to hear what she has to say?  If so, then tell her you'd like to meet up with her, but at YOUR place, not hers.  If she really wants to talk to you, she will accept your invitation.  Or meet up at a neutral place, like a restaurant or coffee shop.  There's no way I'd go to "their" place. 

JenJay

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2013, 03:49:42 PM »
Hello EH,

This morning, I received an email from Amber (cut and pasted below).  I haven't seen Amber in three Saturdays and I admit, I have been worried about her.  But seeing how cool she'd been towards me, I didn't contact to check on her.  Now, she is reaching out, it seems.  The thing that sticks out for me is "our place".  Would it be rude to ignore her email? 

"hello, long time-no talk!  well, i have not been around as you know, keeping busy. what have you been up to, busy?  wanna talk to you about something, you can come by our place - Amber"

Do you want to hear what she has to say?  If so, then tell her you'd like to meet up with her, but at YOUR place, not hers.  If she really wants to talk to you, she will accept your invitation.  Or meet up at a neutral place, like a restaurant or coffee shop.  There's no way I'd go to "their" place. 

Yep. Except I wouldn't want him to find out where I lived so I'd definitely make it neutral. Meet for coffee or something like that.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2013, 03:56:48 PM »
No way I'd go to "their" place. Sounds too much like an ambush.

I would be too curious to ignore her message though. I think I'd respond back with a "Nice to hear from you. Been really busy. Is it urgent? Are you planning to volunteer any future Saturdays? Maybe we could chat then."

jedikaiti

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2013, 04:25:28 PM »
Oh yea, totally neutral ground meeting spot. No way would I go to "their" place (guessing the other person is The Guy), and no way would I want him to know where I lived (were I the OP).
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ladyknight1

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2013, 04:45:31 PM »
OP, does that sound like something Amber would say or write? My suspicious mind is telling me it was written by the guy.

Amara

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #43 on: May 29, 2013, 04:55:19 PM »
Yeah, big, busy neutral place far away from where you live. I'd also suggest having a trustworthy friend come but not be with you, just off by himself or herself but where he/she can watch and maybe hear what is going on. And make sure you have an "appointment" so you have to leave within 20 minutes. And this may be too much for you (though it wouldn't be for me): park two blocks away and walk up to the neutral place.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2013, 05:13:15 PM by Amara »

gramma dishes

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Re: Should I Say Anything? Amber Surfaces Post #37
« Reply #44 on: May 29, 2013, 05:27:02 PM »
OP  ~~  I think what you do depends on what you want to happen.

If you actually think Amber is close enough of a friend that you actually CARE one way or another, then maybe you should follow the advice other people have given.  Meet, but not at either "their" place or at your place.  Neutral ground and in public.

Since she hasn't been volunteering with you for a few weeks, are you just as well off without her in your life?  If so, you might just want to ignore her email. 

I do understand your curiosity about this (and I certainly would be incredibly curious in your shoes -- heck I admit to being curious myself and I'm not even involved!) it might be better to just let this one slide off.  It doesn't matter whether it slides off into the sunset on white horses or slides over the cliff.  As long as you aren't involved, it won't affect your life.