Author Topic: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)  (Read 4884 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #30 on: April 03, 2013, 05:11:19 PM »
That is exactly what I told my DD.  I said it was ok to be mad at him and I explained to her that suicide is selfish because, while their pain is gone, ours in overwhelming.  She just goes day by day and we talk alot.

TurtleDove

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #31 on: April 03, 2013, 05:16:38 PM »
That is exactly what I told my DD.  I said it was ok to be mad at him and I explained to her that suicide is selfish because, while their pain is gone, ours in overwhelming.  She just goes day by day and we talk alot.

Great insight. My husband killed himself a year and a half ago, leaving me a widow at age 37 with a young daughter.  All I would add to your approach above is that while everyone handles grief differently, for me, things got immensely better once I decided that while my pain and anger is legitimate, it does no one any good to allow it to destroy my present life.  I am still alive, and I intend to be happy living my life.  Happiness is a choice, and not at all linked to life's circumstances.  It does no good to try to figure out "why" he did what he did.  He did what he did because he was insane in that moment.  No circumstances or explanation would suffice and be that lightbulb of "aha! THAT'S why he killed himself!!!!"  Best wishes for everyone affected by this boy's selfish act.

*inviteseller

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #32 on: April 03, 2013, 05:50:08 PM »
((((((((((((TurtleDove)))))))))))).  She hasn't gotten to anger yet, she is still in that awful 'what could I have said/done" phase, but we have talked about the stages.  The sad part is, my ex husband, her father died exactly one month before her friend did this so she has layers of grief to work through.

gramma dishes

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #33 on: April 03, 2013, 05:53:26 PM »
...    The sad part is, my ex husband, her father died exactly one month before her friend did this so she has layers of grief to work through.

Oh, wow.  She really got hit with a double whammy, didn't she?  Her Dad and one of her best friends so close together?  That would be difficult for any of us!

TurtleDove

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2013, 06:00:34 PM »
How awful - I am so sorry. I hope your DD soon realizes that there is nothing she could have done. Hugs for everyone.

*inviteseller

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #35 on: April 03, 2013, 10:32:26 PM »
We have had a spate of sudden deaths in the last few years so we should be used to it unfortunately.  She is moving out of the 'what could I have done' phase into the 'what was he thinking" phase and she is working with her therapist because each day is a different emotion for a different person.  The boys father has been a real comfort to her too.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #36 on: April 08, 2013, 01:03:34 AM »
That's very sad...You  and your daughter are in my thoughts :(
"After all this time?"
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ettiquit

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Re: To be honest or keep my mouth shut (***Suicide mentioned****)
« Reply #37 on: April 08, 2013, 09:34:28 AM »
I think the anger phase can be very therapeutic.  A very good friend of mine lost her dad and her husband on the same day.  Her dad died of a heart attack and her husband committed suicide.  When she got to the point where she could really start dealing with her grief, getting mad did a lot of good for her.  That might not be true for everyone, of course.

OP - you're supporting and helping your daughter really well, and she's lucky to have you.