General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Friends' divorce + infidelity + lovechild on Facebook

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Sharnita:
I do think there could be some etiquette issues here in that she is not obligated to tell people anything but then people might ask about her (ex)husband, mention his (kinda) child, the child's (maybe/maybe not) grandparents, etc.  If this is a smaller town then there will be ties when these people cross paths so not cluing in others could make it all a lot more awkward.  I am not sure how you would tell people, when you should tell people, etc. but it seems really problematic not to share at least some of the information. 

citadelle:
I am struck by the fact that you were glad to be moving away during her difficult time so that you could avoid "awkwardness", but have somehow become embroiled in awkward anyway.

I can't imagine an appropriate way to announce such personal information on Facebook. Why does she owe anyone the details of her divorce or especially her child's paternity? That's really personal, and not something that should be posted to 700 "friends".

Ask yourself how much of this affects you? Maybe the bit about meeting her new BF, but anything else? I don't see how. As for meeting him, wait if you'd like. But it sounds like your friend can sense that you are looking down on her choices and may assume that is why you don't want to meet him, as a punishment for her bad behavior. If that's true, you might want to rethink your involvement with her. If it isn't true, you could reconsider your decision.

Sharnita:

--- Quote from: citadelle on March 30, 2013, 03:01:00 PM ---I am struck by the fact that you were glad to be moving away during her difficult time so that you could avoid "awkwardness", but have somehow become embroiled in awkward anyway.

I can't imagine an appropriate way to announce such personal information on Facebook. Why does she owe anyone the details of her divorce or especially her child's paternity? That's really personal, and not something that should be posted to 700 "friends".

Ask yourself how much of this affects you? Maybe the bit about meeting her new BF, but anything else? I don't see how. As for meeting him, wait if you'd like. But it sounds like your friend can sense that you are looking down on her choices and may assume that is why you don't want to meet him, as a punishment for her bad behavior. If that's true, you might want to rethink your involvement with her. If it isn't true, you could reconsider your decision.

--- End quote ---

I think it depeds.  If she now expects them to treat BF as "daddy" instead of ex then they need to know the new info.  And if ex has been infromed he isn't daddy then it might be a kindness to let other people know so they don't assume he is a deadbeat.

citadelle:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on March 30, 2013, 03:06:10 PM ---
--- Quote from: citadelle on March 30, 2013, 03:01:00 PM ---I am struck by the fact that you were glad to be moving away during her difficult time so that you could avoid "awkwardness", but have somehow become embroiled in awkward anyway.

I can't imagine an appropriate way to announce such personal information on Facebook. Why does she owe anyone the details of her divorce or especially her child's paternity? That's really personal, and not something that should be posted to 700 "friends".

Ask yourself how much of this affects you? Maybe the bit about meeting her new BF, but anything else? I don't see how. As for meeting him, wait if you'd like. But it sounds like your friend can sense that you are looking down on her choices and may assume that is why you don't want to meet him, as a punishment for her bad behavior. If that's true, you might want to rethink your involvement with her. If it isn't true, you could reconsider your decision.

--- End quote ---

I think it depeds.  If she now expects them to treat BF as "daddy" instead of ex then they need to know the new info.  And if ex has been infromed he isn't daddy then it might be a kindness to let other people know so they don't assume he is a deadbeat.

--- End quote ---

If so, I would think that best done on an individual, need-to-know basis, rather than a newsfeed blast to approx 700 people.

blue2000:
If she has made it a point to change all her 'daddy' pics to an entirely different person and refused to give any explanation (even a brief non-judgmental one) she is vaguebooking. The whole 'there is some confusion about my life, PM me if you want to know' is also vaguebooking, IMO.

She is fine to not give announcements. She is fine if she does want to announce things. This halfway-almost-announce-what-gets-attention garbage is not fine. But she is an adult. You can't make her straighten out her life or her Facebook page. I think your best bet is to stay far, far away from this drama fest.

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