I dislike taking a dirty dish home with me--especially if it was a messy dessert, like trifle or something, then it will get me messy on the way back. I've always asked if I can wash it (and often I'll offer to wash other dishes while I'm at it) while I'm at the host's house, once the food on it is finished. I make sure the kitchen is left the way I found it, also.
If someone won't let me even rinse a dish at their house, then I'd decide that it's not worth the trouble to bring a dish again, or I'd bring a tacky but disposable plastic/paper one. If that means the host won't want me attending (e.g. it has to be a proper plate, or, you have to bring an item to be allowed to attend), then so be it. They have the right not to want me to turn on the tap in their kitchen, but I equally have the right not to get custard on my nicest dress.