I think that there's a difference between allowing someone to have control over you and picking your battles. There are times when I'll go along to get along. Sometimes, it's just best to let people have some minor victory for the purpose of peace. Cuz really, is Easter dinner with the family the best time to have an unncessary confrontation? Ya gotta judge the potential flare up against the time & place. So sure, OP should (and apparently does) stand up for herself when Mom tries to control her. But honestly, in the grand scheme of things, going through the minor fiction of drinking the tea (in the case of the brother) or making up some excuse to ask Brother what he wants to drink instead of confronting Mom, is a small price to pay for having a nice, peaceful family dinner. I've learned that sometimes, letting someone like this have some minor victories goes a long way toward getting me the major victory that is so much more important to me. The little squabbles usually just aren't worth it.