Author Topic: Mom's opinions on my social life  (Read 4078 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Mom's opinions on my social life
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2013, 08:08:15 PM »
I agree that this is somehow pushing some button of your mom's.

You can just privately feel sympathetic for her, that something is still getting to her and she has such a hangup, and then ignore her and leave the house. (You don't have to make her agree with you; you don't even have to answer her question. She says, "why are you dragging your BF along?" and you say, "Bye, Mom--I should be back about 9:30." And leave.)

Let her have her hangup. Just don't make her comments become YOUR problem--they're not. Think of the grownups in the Charlie Brown movies (wah wah wah-wah-wah).  In one ear, out the other, and do NOT let it stop in the middle anywhere. "There goes Mom again."


Or you can immediately start quizzing her about what is it that bothers her so much, almost like you're her therapist, and then offer her sympathy. In other words, completely subtract YOU from the conversation and make it be ALL about her and her hangups. That'll be unpleasant enough, maybe she'll stop.

gramma dishes

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Re: Mom's opinions on my social life
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2013, 10:21:50 PM »
...   As an aside (and perhaps this is moot as you may already do so), please do make the effort to see Ellen alone.  While socialising with hr and your BF is lovely, especially when you all get along well, it does change the dynamic that when 2 girlfriends just catch up together.  Make sure to do both  :)

If you already do so, perhaps assuring your mum that you do still catch up with her separately which is why when Ellen expressly invited BF, you make the effort to ensure he can go - that they are friends too.

Beautifully stated.  I feel the same way and could not possibly improve on how katycoo said it.  So I'll just say 'ditto'.

Last_Dance

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Re: Mom's opinions on my social life
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2013, 03:37:52 AM »
The PPs who suggested it could be her lost friends rather than mine could be onto something: the next time she brings it up, I'll try and talk to her about it.

If she still insists in taking out her issues on me, I'll go with complete avoidance. It's just that I don't how to avoid answering when she asks me a direct question - like it happened this time.
What do you suggest, vague answers or directly "Why do you want to know?" 

I guess what really bugged me was that A) it was by complete chance that BF and I ended up having dinner with Ellen twice in a row, B) she doesn't accept that what worked for her might not work for me.   
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Iris

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Re: Mom's opinions on my social life
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2013, 03:45:00 AM »
The PPs who suggested it could be her lost friends rather than mine could be onto something: the next time she brings it up, I'll try and talk to her about it.

If she still insists in taking out her issues on me, I'll go with complete avoidance. It's just that I don't how to avoid answering when she asks me a direct question - like it happened this time.
What do you suggest, vague answers or directly "Why do you want to know?" 

I guess what really bugged me was that A) it was by complete chance that BF and I ended up having dinner with Ellen twice in a row, B) she doesn't accept that what worked for her might not work for me.

Honestly, with my mum I just tell her "I'm not going to tell you that".

I love my mum, she's great in many ways, but she comes from a very different financial position to DH and I and this means that she can get ... erm ... over-involved in things at times. The last time she asked me a question about finances (it was relevant to the conversation, she wasn't just being randomly nosy) I just smiled and said "Uh-uh, not going to tell you that". She asked why not and I said "Because every time I have money you tell me how to spend/save it twice over and it gets very stressful and we end up arguing." Since she is a great mum she just made a humorous "Ohhhhhhhhh! But I want to knooooooooowwwwww!" remark and we let it drop. Of course I am glossing over the YEARS of training that it took for me to get her to that point.
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