Seriously I think so much grief could be prevented if people just didn't assume someone can't come unless, you know, you invite them and they say they can't.
The other side of coin, though, is that rejection hurts, even if I am the person who gives an invitation and it is my invitation that is rejected.
So, if I just keep asking, but the other person is genuinely busy, eventually I would end the friendship with a person who always rejects my invitations.
Hence - the people who assume it is pointless to ask someone too busy or too depressed to come most of cases can also be just attempting to get less of rejection
Yeah, I've been on that end of it before. You invite someone multiple times and the answer is always no, even for legitimate reasons. But after a while, no matter why they are saying no, it still feels like rejection.
When that happens, I always just firmly lob the ball into their court. If they really want to pursue/continue the friendship, they need to take the first step next time. Otherwise, well, no biggie, I guess they just don't want to. Oh well.
But regardless of that, friendship is a two-way street. If I find that I'm always
the one initiating contact, I eventually back off. That's why I suggested to the OP to be the one to initiate things (and I still believe she should do this going forward). It's great when you invite a friend to do something and they accept. But as evidenced by this thread, it's a really
nice feeling when people ask you
to join them for a social activity. It's a nice gift to be the one to do the asking.