Author Topic: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses  (Read 26346 times)

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elephantschild

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Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« on: April 02, 2013, 09:46:52 AM »
http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130402/CITYANDREGION03/130409892/1057

I was a bit stunned by this. I wore a strapless wedding dress at my wedding more than 10 years ago. I could assure Miss Manners that I did, indeed, consider the ceremony the important part of the day, but it doesn't seem she would want to hear that.

Thoughts?

(Plus: There are still debutantes these days?)
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Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2013, 10:23:53 AM »
I wore a strapless wedding gown almost 9 years ago. It was lovely, elegant, and flattering to my figure. I felt beautiful in it, my new husband found me beautiful in it - he still occassionally talks about how stunning I looked that day :) - and the church in which I was married had no restrictions on bare shoulders. So, in the opinion of anyone whose opinion mattered, there was nothing improper about my gown, and if anyone else had a problem with it, I'd expect them to keep it to themselves. :)

MandiC76

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2013, 10:28:04 AM »
I wore a strapless gown at my wedding a year and a half ago. It was the dress that flattered my plus-sized body the best. Honestly, though, I wouldn't be surprised if many brides who wear strapless gowns wear them only because there are very few options with straps, and even fewer that actually cover the shoulders. I would've preferred something with straps, myself, but for my budget, I just couldn't find anything with straps/sleeves that actually looked good on me.

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rigs32

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2013, 10:32:15 AM »
I wonder if she would have the same opinion of women who purchase non-traditional wedding gowns to be worn for their wedding - whether not white or a simpler style.

TootsNYC

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2013, 10:33:28 AM »
I think strapless dresses are flattering even on heavy women (who probably think they're too fat for them).

Because there isn't any fabric to stretch in awkward ways, etc. As MandiC76's experience demonstrated--finding a dress w/ straps or sleeves that fits well can be really difficult. Especially if you're (like me) a little lumpy--because lumps form in different places on everybody. So when you move your arms, the fabric pulls in different places. And it's hard to alter shoulder seams, armholes, etc.

(actually, strapless dresses will always be in style, but there is actually a move to dresses w/ sleeves)

WillyNilly

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2013, 10:33:38 AM »
I wore a red strapless gown. And got married in a totally secular outdoor wedding. And it was by far the most formal, opposite of "easy to party in" dress I ever have, or I imagine ever again, will wear. It absolutely was more about the formality and importance of the occasion then about the party afterwards.

lady_disdain

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2013, 10:37:00 AM »
That was a very judgmental post. A strapless wedding dress doesn't scream "party" to me nor implies that the bride is thinking of things other than her wedding. Then again, she also recently chided a different bride for noticing that one of her guests wore a baseball cap during her ceremony (http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130310/CITYANDREGION03/130319979/1057)

rose red

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2013, 10:38:17 AM »
And answers like this is why when people quote Miss Manners as the Final Word!!!, I think about the answer and real life before accepting it blindly.

25wishes

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2013, 10:41:03 AM »
I remember a while back she intimated that strapless gowns were for when you were trying to attract a mate, and you should be a bit more modest once you had found one. If you wouldn't wear a tube top in church, aren't you showing as much in a strapless gown?

I tend to agree as I am rather old-fashioned. I don't think strapless gowns look good on all figure types, and they have so much, what, boning? that you get that effect of the dress moving stiffly in one way while your body moves the other.

 I am old enough to remember gowns not only with straps but sleeves, and very pretty sleeves they were too, although  I dislike puffy confections like Diana's.

However, it is all about fashion, and for many years now fashion has dictated strapless, I believe it dates from John Kennedy Jr's wedding, when his bride wore a simple strapless gown and it became popular.

As for me, I got married in a wool skirt and sweater in front of a JP.

Firecat

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2013, 10:41:52 AM »
I'll admit, I don't like strapless. I would never condemn someone for wearing a strapless gown, it's just not a look I like for myself - strictly a matter of personal taste.

But I do have to wonder what Miss Manners would have thought of my Renaissance costume wedding...I got married in shades of green, for one thing (I don't, in my own opinion, look good in white - as a pale-skinned blonde, I think it makes me look even paler, and not in an elegant way). And Renaissance brides didn't necessarily wear white, they wore whatever their best dress was at the time.

Anyway, I wonder if Miss Manners just isn't making sufficient allowance for the dominance of strapless in wedding fashion over the last decade or so, to the point where for awhile it was hard to find anything that wasn't strapless. Not everyone can afford to customize a dress or to have one made, so if strapless was all that was available, I'm sure a lot of brides who would have preferred otherwise ended up in strapless gowns anyway.

Edited to add that I kind of hope that the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will help to end the overwhelming dominance of strapless gowns. I thought she looked lovely, and very classy. I don't see anything "wrong" with strapless gowns per se, I'm just a fan of there being more choices than just strapless.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 10:44:03 AM by Firecat »

Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #10 on: April 02, 2013, 10:44:04 AM »
That was a very judgmental post. A strapless wedding dress doesn't scream "party" to me nor implies that the bride is thinking of things other than her wedding. Then again, she also recently chided a different bride for noticing that one of her guests wore a baseball cap during her ceremony (http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130310/CITYANDREGION03/130319979/1057)

 ::) So basically, any bride who has the super human powers of sight and perception is not taking her wedding ceremony seriously.

Margo

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2013, 10:44:55 AM »
I think Miss Manners is way off base with this one. Also illogical. By her criteria, anyone who takes any trouble over their appearance for their wedding is failing to take it seriously - if you pick a dress which you look good in you are not taking the ceremony seriously enough? (Also, does that mean that if I wear a dress with straps/sleeves to a party I'm being rude to the host as I'm not seeing the party as the main event?)

I'm aware that there are *some* individual places of worship / specific congregations or ministers who would consider a strapless gown inappropriate, and in those instances I think it is respectful for the bride to stick to the dress-code of that specific place/congregation, but it's very narrow minded to assume that just because you/your church/synagogue/minister does things one way, that that is the only correct way.

(Two of my cousins are very religious - both very involved with their respective churches, both met their husband's through the church, both close friends with their respective minister and priest - both seeing the religious ceremony as by far the most important and significant part of the wedding... both wore strapless gowns. I find it quite offensive to suggest that what you wear affects, or is seen as an indicator of how seriously you take  a ceremony. I wonder whether Miss Manners is equally scathing about Groom who wear Morning Dress rather than a simple suit. After all, that's all about how you look, too)

Yvaine

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2013, 10:49:52 AM »
I remember a while back she intimated that strapless gowns were for when you were trying to attract a mate, and you should be a bit more modest once you had found one. If you wouldn't wear a tube top in church, aren't you showing as much in a strapless gown?

I tend to agree as I am rather old-fashioned. I don't think strapless gowns look good on all figure types, and they have so much, what, boning? that you get that effect of the dress moving stiffly in one way while your body moves the other.

 I am old enough to remember gowns not only with straps but sleeves, and very pretty sleeves they were too, although  I dislike puffy confections like Diana's.

However, it is all about fashion, and for many years now fashion has dictated strapless, I believe it dates from John Kennedy Jr's wedding, when his bride wore a simple strapless gown and it became popular.

As for me, I got married in a wool skirt and sweater in front of a JP.

Carolyn Bessette had more of a slip dress, with straps. I remember those dresses being everywhere for a few years, and then the strapless trend came later.

I agree with PPs that it can be difficult to find anything else when a certain thing is in fashion.

lady_disdain

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #13 on: April 02, 2013, 10:54:01 AM »
That was a very judgmental post. A strapless wedding dress doesn't scream "party" to me nor implies that the bride is thinking of things other than her wedding. Then again, she also recently chided a different bride for noticing that one of her guests wore a baseball cap during her ceremony (http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130310/CITYANDREGION03/130319979/1057)

 ::) So basically, any bride who has the super human powers of sight and perception is not taking her wedding ceremony seriously.

A modest bride would have walked down the aisle looking at the floor, reciting prayers. :-D Most other brides would be looking around, smiling at friends and family and noticed a baseball cap. Or peeked through the crack of the door or screen while people were being seated.

WillyNilly

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #14 on: April 02, 2013, 11:03:56 AM »
That was a very judgmental post. A strapless wedding dress doesn't scream "party" to me nor implies that the bride is thinking of things other than her wedding. Then again, she also recently chided a different bride for noticing that one of her guests wore a baseball cap during her ceremony (http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130310/CITYANDREGION03/130319979/1057)

 ::) So basically, any bride who has the super human powers of sight and perception is not taking her wedding ceremony seriously.

A modest bride would have walked down the aisle looking at the floor, reciting prayers. :-D Most other brides would be looking around, smiling at friends and family and noticed a baseball cap. Or peeked through the crack of the door or screen while people were being seated.

There is no indication that LW was a bride. It very well could have been written by a groom. And grooms tend to start off standing at the front of their ceremony, looking out among their guests until the bride makes her entrance.