Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses

[Hmmmmm]

I just took a look at Kleinfield's site.

They have 23 pages of strapless wedding gowns and 23 pages of gowns with some type of sleeve (cap, tank, 3/4, or long) and another 4 pages of gowns with spaghetti straps.

So I think there may be a shift occuring to leveling off on whether you can find gowns that aren't strapless.

[mmswm]

Oh!  That is very good news indeed!  I'm not involved in too many weddings, but I do hear younger friends complaining about the lack of non-strapless choices.  I'm glad to know the tide is shifting.

[Jaelle]

I think the point was, in a *religious* wedding ceremony, at a church, in many (I'd venture most) cultures and denominations, showing that much skin isn't appropriate. Now if you're having a wedding elsewhere (outdoors, at home, at a hall or other space) then the issue isn't the point. The issue of strapless is *in church*. I wouldn't wear a strapless dress by choice anywhere, but the absolute last place I'd wear one would be at a house of worship - mine, or someone else's. Just like I wouldn't wear flip flops, or ratty cutoffs, or anything else that would be inappropriate (uncovered hair in some places, pants in others).

I don't think she's looking at fashion. I think she's looking at respect, which is the heart of manners.

I was married in a church. Baptist church, Catholic ceremony, with my family's Baptist minister doing a reading at the ceremony. No one, not even my husband's elderly uncle, the priest who performed the wedding, batted an eyelash at my strapless dress. Except to compliment me.

I guess that's why I'm so bewildered by this. I consider the church I grew up in (and where I was married) to be conservative, but this was a non-issue.

[Jones]

I love, love, loved my wedding dress, which I purchased consignment, and had sleeves. I have always felt that no sleeves, straps, and some cap sleeves make my arms look quite fat--even when I was a size 6. I have no problem with women wearing tasteful sleeveless wedding dresses, it's just not for me; and it's not rude to wear something that I choose to not wear myself.

And now I need to share a picture. The skirt was poofy but otherwise plain; the top was the best part, IMO.



PS-I also don't know any debutantes, and never even went to prom. However, I don't see how sleeves vs. no sleeves would affect whether or not my parents paid for my wedding dress? ...they didn't, btw.

[flowersintheattic]

I just took a look at Kleinfield's site.

They have 23 pages of strapless wedding gowns and 23 pages of gowns with some type of sleeve (cap, tank, 3/4, or long) and another 4 pages of gowns with spaghetti straps.

So I think there may be a shift occuring to leveling off on whether you can find gowns that aren't strapless.

When I was looking at wedding gowns (about a year and a half, two years ago), there seemed to be quite a few non-strapless dresses around. It doesn't surprise me that the trend's increasing now.

[Erich L-ster]

That is some very outdated advice from MM. I always thought that debutantes were from very rich families.

[katycoo]

I think the point was, in a *religious* wedding ceremony, at a church, in many (I'd venture most) cultures and denominations, showing that much skin isn't appropriate. Now if you're having a wedding elsewhere (outdoors, at home, at a hall or other space) then the issue isn't the point. The issue of strapless is *in church*. I wouldn't wear a strapless dress by choice anywhere, but the absolute last place I'd wear one would be at a house of worship - mine, or someone else's. Just like I wouldn't wear flip flops, or ratty cutoffs, or anything else that would be inappropriate (uncovered hair in some places, pants in others).

I don't think she's looking at fashion. I think she's looking at respect, which is the heart of manners.

I was married in a church. Baptist church, Catholic ceremony, with my family's Baptist minister doing a reading at the ceremony. No one, not even my husband's elderly uncle, the priest who performed the wedding, batted an eyelash at my strapless dress. Except to compliment me.

I guess that's why I'm so bewildered by this. I consider the church I grew up in (and where I was married) to be conservative, but this was a non-issue.

I had a church wedding too. Strapless dresses have never, ever been an issue.  I'm sure that some churches feel that shoulders should be covered, but this is by no means a blanket rule.

[Bluenomi]

My wedding dress was strapless, and I'm offended at the notion I didn't take my wedding seriously.

IME though, dresses with straps and cap sleeves are gaining popularity.  Long sleeves are unlikley to ever be big in Australia.  Winter weddings are uncommon (and even then, a cape or bolero is more popular than attached long sleeves), and summer is far, far too hot.

I agree with you there. My wedding was in Canberra in winter and my dress only have little capped shoulders (and could have been strapless since they were detachable) and a full length cape for outside when it got cold. During the day I didn't need anything.

Summer weddings are bad enough in a strapless dress, sleeves would be a nightmare!

[Poppea]

That is some very outdated advice from MM. I always thought that debutantes were from very rich families.

They are not from poor families. 

But if you are wondering why a deb gown would double as a wedding gown its pretty simple - people who have money and want to keep it ususally don't throw it around.  It also makes a nice sentence in the newspapers wedding announcement "Miss Smith wore the same gown when she debuted in the Christmas cotillion in 2008." 

[furrcats]

I love, love, loved my wedding dress, which I purchased consignment, and had sleeves. I have always felt that no sleeves, straps, and some cap sleeves make my arms look quite fat--even when I was a size 6. I have no problem with women wearing tasteful sleeveless wedding dresses, it's just not for me; and it's not rude to wear something that I choose to not wear myself.

And now I need to share a picture. The skirt was poofy but otherwise plain; the top was the best part, IMO.



PS-I also don't know any debutantes, and never even went to prom. However, I don't see how sleeves vs. no sleeves would affect whether or not my parents paid for my wedding dress? ...they didn't, btw.

Lovely wedding photo 

[jedikaiti]

http://www.buffalonews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130402/CITYANDREGION03/130409892/1057

I was a bit stunned by this. I wore a strapless wedding dress at my wedding more than 10 years ago. I could assure Miss Manners that I did, indeed, consider the ceremony the important part of the day, but it doesn't seem she would want to hear that.

Thoughts?

(Plus: There are still debutantes these days?)

Clearly Miss Manners hasn't gone wedding dress shopping in the US anytime recently. I WANTED sleeves. I was lucky to get non-spaghetti straps. If you don't have the skills or the money to get a custom-made wedding gown, you're kinda stuck.

[MrsJWine]

I got married ten years ago. I tried on dozens of dresses. Of the ones I looked at that weren't completely hideous or frumpy-looking to me, only a handful were not strapless. I really would have liked a dress with some kind of straps, but I couldn't find one in my price range (which was very low) that was flattering, beautiful, and not strapless. So I guess you could say being a cheapskate was most important to me.

ETA: I got married in a pretty conservative church. Also, my dress was, IMO, more modest than some t-shirts I've worn.

[scotcat60]

I was really hoping that the royal wedding would bring a surge of non-strapless gowns, if only to give women more choice.  Sadly, it was not to be.

Yes, it seems that all the gowns I've seen in our local bridal shop are strapless. But as someone else said, it  puffy sleeves were the norm a few years ago. Strapless can look good, although I felt for the Welsh bride who got married recently in such a gown when the country was blanketed in snow up to 15ft foot deep in places.

I do remember a posting some years ago when e-hell dame likened brides in strapless gowns as looking as if they were wearing a bathtowel....

And remember the photo of the bride in a strapless dress whose bosom was practically spilling out of it?

[Yvaine]

I was really hoping that the royal wedding would bring a surge of non-strapless gowns, if only to give women more choice.  Sadly, it was not to be.

Yes, it seems that all the gowns I've seen in our local bridal shop are strapless. But as someone else said, it  puffy sleeves were the norm a few years ago. Strapless can look good, although I felt for the Welsh bride who got married recently in such a gown when the country was blanketed in snow up to 15ft foot deep in places.

I do remember a posting some years ago when e-hell dame likened brides in strapless gowns as looking as if they were wearing a bathtowel....

And remember the photo of the bride in a strapless dress whose bosom was practically spilling out of it?

Well, the dress not fitting is another thing entirely.  All brides, regardless of figure type, will look best in a dress that actually fits them.

[Emmy]

Miss Manners makes an interesting assumption.  Some people don't like the look of strapless gowns and they are entitled to that opinion, but it is unfair to say that brides who chose to wore them don't take their wedding ceremony seriously.

Add me as another one who wore a dress with spaghetti straps (which is not much different) to the wedding and tucked in the straps for the reception.  My dress was also a light shade of gold, so I'm sure we would have had to have vapors on hand had Miss Manners have been there.  Many strapless dresses don't show cleavage (mine included) and would find a dress with sleeves that showed a lot of cleavage much less modest than a strapless dress that doesn't.  I got married 7 years ago and the main reason I chose strapless was because DH mentioned he loved strapless dresses and he wanted me to wear one for our wedding.  I chose a light gold color because I have very light skin and pure white isn't flattering on me.

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and all the bridesmaid dresses I've got since 2003 have been strapless.