Author Topic: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses  (Read 26407 times)

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Golden Phoenix

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #75 on: April 03, 2013, 08:06:17 AM »
She'd hate me.  :-\

When we got married we couldn't afford a dress, or a reception, we barely afforded the flowers and i made all of that myself from a couple of bunches from the local florist.

I wore nice trousers, my best top and my best shoes. I put my hair half up and covered a small clip in roses and foliage and used that to hold my hair back.

Whole wedding cost: Less than 200. Including ceremony and rings.


Hmmmmm

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #76 on: April 03, 2013, 10:42:13 AM »
She'd hate me.  :-\

When we got married we couldn't afford a dress, or a reception, we barely afforded the flowers and i made all of that myself from a couple of bunches from the local florist.

I wore nice trousers, my best top and my best shoes. I put my hair half up and covered a small clip in roses and foliage and used that to hold my hair back.

Whole wedding cost: Less than 200. Including ceremony and rings.
Actually, I doubt she would hate it. What you describe is something she would believe was entirely appropriate. She's stated a few times about disliking over the top weddings and people going into debt for a wedding.

jaxsue

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #77 on: April 03, 2013, 11:03:06 AM »
She'd hate me.  :-\

When we got married we couldn't afford a dress, or a reception, we barely afforded the flowers and i made all of that myself from a couple of bunches from the local florist.

I wore nice trousers, my best top and my best shoes. I put my hair half up and covered a small clip in roses and foliage and used that to hold my hair back.

Whole wedding cost: Less than 200. Including ceremony and rings.
Actually, I doubt she would hate it. What you describe is something she would believe was entirely appropriate. She's stated a few times about disliking over the top weddings and people going into debt for a wedding.

Yep. I never understood the going into debt for a wedding. But then I'm a geek that way.  :)

Girlie

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #78 on: April 03, 2013, 11:28:26 AM »
I have to say that I'm personally a bit miffed at the assumption(s) made by Miss Manners in this article.
I had a lovely church wedding in my rather conservative Baptist church. No one batted an eye or thought it was unusual at all that my gown - and the dresses of two of my bridesmaids - were strapless. They were beautiful dresses, and perfectly formal and tasteful, IMHO.
I took the ceremony VERY seriously, too. The after-party was important, but I did months worth of research on the ceremony alone - traditional vows vs. non-traditional ones, the Biblical and traditional ways of doing things, modern twists that would reflect our personal beliefs and expressions of faith....

I find her entire article to be judgmental. I agree with those above who have said that she is confusing personal preference with etiquette. 

jmarvellous

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #79 on: April 03, 2013, 11:31:24 AM »
I wonder what those more etiquettely advanced than me would have to say about the dress I will wear to my religious ceremony next month? It's not a tube top, but I am not certain you'd call the neckline conservative. FWIW, it was sold (for a very reasonable 60% off, $78) as a halter:


MandiC76

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #80 on: April 03, 2013, 12:49:15 PM »
Yep I have "generous assets" and I didn't need to adjust my gown- the boning sat on my waist so t basically couldn't slide past my hips. A properly constructed strapless wedding gown is not at all the same as a regular strapless dress in terms of support and structure.

My situation was the same - between the construction of the undergarments, the construction of the dress, and the bonus of a tied corset waist, that dress did not move! :)

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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #81 on: April 03, 2013, 04:13:48 PM »
And I saw a bride who was pulling up her dress before she even got in the car to go to the ceremony. She was going to be doing that all day.

Why didn't she try it in properly? Jumping around, pretending up dance, bending over, sitting... You look like a loon in the bridal shop but you need to know that dress will stay on.

CharlieBraun

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #82 on: April 03, 2013, 04:27:30 PM »
I think that the wedding industry has dictated strapless so long that it's become the norm.  And it wasn't done for any other reason than money; strapless gowns have requires less material, and results in fewer available variations to the gown's upper portion.  Fewer available variations translates into fewer samples required, and so on.

When I married eight years ago, I opted to have my gown made, to a large extent to have total control over my choices including the upper portion; strapless was not for me.  But that was my choice, and everyone's choice is just that - their choice.

IMO, Miss Manners misstepped here.
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gellchom

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #83 on: April 03, 2013, 05:54:32 PM »
It really is hard to find non-strapless dresses lately.  And that is a problem when the wedding is to be held at a house of worship or other venue where strapless clothes are inappropriate any time.  My daughter-in-law chose a strapless wedding gown and spaghetti-strap-optional bridesmaid dresses.  The attendants all had to wear some kind of little lacy shawl, and the bride wore a tiny bolero, for the ceremony at the synagogue.  It looked okay, but I was sorry they had to spend the extra.

The synagogue doesn't have a RULE about this, but it's not considered in good taste for women to attend services or ceremonies like weddings with bare shoulders, any time.  Guests bring a wrap of some kind.  And I have to admit that when brides wear strapless gowns with no covering for the ceremony there, it just looks a little wrong.  Like if a man weren't wearing a head covering in the synagogue.  No one says anything, but it seems like she just was ignorant of what is considered appropriate for the venue.

Penguin_ar

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #84 on: April 04, 2013, 06:42:23 AM »
I wonder what those more etiquettely advanced than me would have to say about the dress I will wear to my religious ceremony next month? It's not a tube top, but I am not certain you'd call the neckline conservative. FWIW, it was sold (for a very reasonable 60% off, $78) as a halter:



It has straps  :P
I do think a wedding dress should not be "oh lala sexy", but, while my own had full sleeves and covered everything for religious reasons, I don't think just the attribute of a wedding dress being strapless makes it inappropriate.

SamiHami

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #85 on: April 04, 2013, 07:59:45 AM »
Overall, I think strapless gowns in churches are tacky. For an outdoor wedding or another venue, sure if that's what the bride wants. I agree with the idea that if you wouldn't wear a tube top to church, why would you wear something that amounts to the same (lack of) coverage to what is arguably the most important religious ceremony of your life? It seems direspectful to me.

I also find strapless dresses completely boring anymore. It seems like everyone wears the same fit & flair/mermaid strapless dresses anymore, the only differences being details like lace or beading. Brides have become very cookie cutter in the last few years. I'd rather see a bride dressed like Duchess Catherine; at least she looked appropriate, pretty and respectful (regardless of whether you like her personally or not). Or a different color; wedding gowns do not have to be white...that's simply a fashion trend that no one is required to stick to. But these dull, white strapless gowns are just overdone.

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Tabby Uprising

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #86 on: April 04, 2013, 08:40:39 AM »
Overall, I think strapless gowns in churches are tacky. For an outdoor wedding or another venue, sure if that's what the bride wants. I agree with the idea that if you wouldn't wear a tube top to church, why would you wear something that amounts to the same (lack of) coverage to what is arguably the most important religious ceremony of your life? It seems direspectful to me.

I also find strapless dresses completely boring anymore. It seems like everyone wears the same fit & flair/mermaid strapless dresses anymore, the only differences being details like lace or beading. Brides have become very cookie cutter in the last few years. I'd rather see a bride dressed like Duchess Catherine; at least she looked appropriate, pretty and respectful (regardless of whether you like her personally or not). Or a different color; wedding gowns do not have to be white...that's simply a fashion trend that no one is required to stick to. But these dull, white strapless gowns are just overdone.

This entire thread is full of posters recounting how difficult it was to find wedding dresses that aren't strapless.  That mirrors my experience.  I went to two large stores and not a single option had sleeves.  I doubt many of us had famous designers throwing themselves at us like Kate Middleton did and I doubt many of us have her financial means (or entourage dedicated to assisting with all aspects of the wedding) to craft us the perfect "appropriate" wedding dress.

I simply could not afford getting something from a specialized boutique and I certainly couldn't afford to have something custom made.  If my only options are strapless, what am I supposed to do?  I didn't want to put that much time and money and energy into a dress because I didn't think it was that important in the grand scheme of things.  I asked the priest if my dress was okay and he said it was fine.  He seemed puzzled that I would ask!  How is that disrespectful to my church? 

And as I've said before, I love going to weddings. I can't think of a wedding I've gone to where I thought the bride looked anything but beautiful and radiant.  I can't imagine picking a bride apart while I'm a guest at her wedding sneering that her dress is a tacky, inappropriate, boring tube top.  I just don't like thinking that way about other women.

Sharnita

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #87 on: April 04, 2013, 08:50:22 AM »
I can't say that I seem much in common with a tube top and stapless dress, either.  Tube tops are not usually altered and do not have the stucture.  And I have to say that a lot of straps are so unsubstantial that they seem like they don't cover anything and they don't hold anything up any more than a strapless.

SiotehCat

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #88 on: April 04, 2013, 08:54:31 AM »
I can't say that I seem much in common with a tube top and stapless dress, either.  Tube tops are not usually altered and do not have the stucture.  And I have to say that a lot of straps are so unsubstantial that they seem like they don't cover anything and they don't hold anything up any more than a strapless.

SamiHami equated it to a tube top in terms of coverage.

I agree with her entire post.

Sharnita

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #89 on: April 04, 2013, 08:55:45 AM »
I can't say that I seem much in common with a tube top and stapless dress, either.  Tube tops are not usually altered and do not have the stucture.  And I have to say that a lot of straps are so unsubstantial that they seem like they don't cover anything and they don't hold anything up any more than a strapless.

SamiHami equated it to a tube top in terms of coverage.

I agree with her entire post.

I realize she did and what I am saying is that is a vast oversimplification of the two clothing items.