Author Topic: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses  (Read 30629 times)

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ladyknight1

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #150 on: April 05, 2013, 08:12:50 AM »
DottyG, you win!

Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #151 on: April 05, 2013, 09:10:07 AM »
I was married in 1997, and I had no problem finding my scooped neck, short sleeved dress. Of course, that is the way it was then, and now I see more "cookie cutter" dresses than unique. I love to see a happy couple make their wedding their style. I believe it is the right for everyone to choose what they want. However, I do not care for strapless gowns, and I will leave it at that.

I am baffled by the defensive responses to people's personal opinions.

Personal opinion would be "Strapless gowns aren't to my taste," "I would be uncomfortable in a strapless gown in church," or "Most strapless gowns I've seen are too boring for me."

That's perfectly polite and fine. We can't all like the same things!

"Strapless gowns are not appropriate in my church," is a statement of fact. Again, fine.

When people start using words like "disrespectful" and making unkind generalizations about brides who choose such a gown in any type of religious setting, it becomes a value judgment and it doesn't feel good.

Sharnita

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #152 on: April 05, 2013, 09:22:26 AM »
I was married in 1997, and I had no problem finding my scooped neck, short sleeved dress. Of course, that is the way it was then, and now I see more "cookie cutter" dresses than unique. I love to see a happy couple make their wedding their style. I believe it is the right for everyone to choose what they want. However, I do not care for strapless gowns, and I will leave it at that.

I am baffled by the defensive responses to people's personal opinions.

Personal opinion would be "Strapless gowns aren't to my taste," "I would be uncomfortable in a strapless gown in church," or "Most strapless gowns I've seen are too boring for me."

That's perfectly polite and fine. We can't all like the same things!

"Strapless gowns are not appropriate in my church," is a statement of fact. Again, fine.

When people start using words like "disrespectful" and making unkind generalizations about brides who choose such a gown in any type of religious setting, it becomes a value judgment and it doesn't feel good.

Agreed.  It would be like the difference between saying "I prefer that my children _____________" and saying "Parents who let their kids ____________ don't care about their children".  While it might be a personal opinion it tends to be overstepping and vastly insulting.

Calistoga

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #153 on: April 05, 2013, 09:34:04 AM »
I didn't wear a strapless gown. Mine was a halter top.




But I think these pictures sums up how "serious" we felt the occasion was. My husband and I aren't serious people...we didn't want our wedding to be somber. For our unity ceremony, we made a lava lamp. Instead of a first dance, we got on stage and played You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi on rock band. Our ceremony ended with a Captain Planet reference and when we were pronounced husband and wife, the victory theme from Final Fantasy played and our entire wedding party struck end-of-battle poses. Our wedding was FUN! I picked the dress I picked because I liked it. It was fairly traditional, but it was pretty. Later this year we're going to a wedding where the BaG have asked everyone to wear costumes. Weddings are highly personal events that can be as serious as you make them.

ladyknight1

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #154 on: April 05, 2013, 09:39:09 AM »


I walked down the aisle to the theme from "The Inner Light", which is a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode. We didn't go into debt for our wedding, and I bought my dress for $100 at the JC Penney outlet in Atlanta.

A wedding is what you make it, regardless of straps and sleeves, or type of ceremony.

TurtleDove

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #155 on: April 05, 2013, 11:36:43 AM »
Just adding to the "disrespectful in a church" discussion. My dad is a Missouri Synod pastor and he married both my sister me. We both wore strapless gowns. I assure you that if our attire was considered disrespectful we would have worn something else.

whiterose

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #156 on: April 05, 2013, 11:38:27 AM »
I didn't wear a strapless gown. Mine was a halter top.




But I think these pictures sums up how "serious" we felt the occasion was. My husband and I aren't serious people...we didn't want our wedding to be somber. For our unity ceremony, we made a lava lamp. Instead of a first dance, we got on stage and played You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi on rock band. Our ceremony ended with a Captain Planet reference and when we were pronounced husband and wife, the victory theme from Final Fantasy played and our entire wedding party struck end-of-battle poses. Our wedding was FUN! I picked the dress I picked because I liked it. It was fairly traditional, but it was pretty. Later this year we're going to a wedding where the BaG have asked everyone to wear costumes. Weddings are highly personal events that can be as serious as you make them.

Between the Captain Planet reference and the Final Fantasy fanfare, you have made my day!

I would have had such a blast at your wedding! And your dress is lovely. I read on a wedding dress personality quiz that wearing a halter dress meant that you were a practical person. Mine will need quite a bit more coverage than that, though.

But then, I am the kind of person who feel uncomfortable wearing a strapless top or dress at a picnic! Both physically (given my body type) and psychologically (given other factors).

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Elisabunny

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #157 on: April 05, 2013, 01:43:52 PM »
Incidentally, for those who are not comfortable in strapless and can't find anything else, find a nearby faith community that emphasizes modesty.  They can almost certainly steer you toward either a supplier, or someone who alters "inappropriate" (for their rites) dresses.
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jedikaiti

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #158 on: April 05, 2013, 02:30:39 PM »
Calistoga, that actually looks a lot like the gown I nearly bought, but I couldn't get it with the blue sash.
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Thipu1

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #159 on: April 05, 2013, 03:02:08 PM »
Let's be frank.  How many Wedding dresses have we seen that we thought did not address the importance of a marriage? I think we can say that we've seen pretty dang few. 

People getting married in houses of worship will abide by any rules that group thinks proper.  People getting married at City Hall or on Uncle Buford's ranch can choose any sort of dress that seems right.  THe dress just shouldn't scare the horses on the ranch.  ;) 

When I was a child,Wedding gowns were to be absolute, pristine white and arms had to be covered from the shoulders to the wrists.  In our little town, There was a flap over a woman who was married in the  Catholic church. She decided that pure white didn't suit her and had her dress made in a slightly warmer tone. The 'Egg-Shell Bride' was the subject of speculation about her morals for weeks after the Wedding. 

Finally, the Pastor of our church decided that a sermon was in order.  His theme was that the color of a woman's dress has nothing to do with her character.  If a woman chose to be married in red (gasp) she would be welcomed to have her Wedding in his church.

That started the buddies cackling again but the Pastor was right. Unless you know for a fact that a
certain color or style was chosen as an act of defiance instead of a personal choice, you have no right to say anything against it.

The Pastor of our Roman Catholic parish even brought up the old Jewish saying that all babies and all Brides are beautiful in the sight of God.   
 
« Last Edit: April 05, 2013, 03:26:28 PM by Thipu1 »

ladyknight1

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #160 on: April 05, 2013, 03:16:46 PM »
I like your pastor!

I have been happily planning all the different vow renewal ceremonies/anniversary parties I would like to have starting next year. A different theme every year, and who doesn't love a party?

Calistoga

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #161 on: April 05, 2013, 04:48:09 PM »
Quote
I would have had such a blast at your wedding! And your dress is lovely. I read on a wedding dress personality quiz that wearing a halter dress meant that you were a practical person. Mine will need quite a bit more coverage than that, though.

Heh. Well, I am practical. I think. And I had a blast, I know a lot of our guests had a blast, but of course we had a few older people who thought the wedding was just all wrong. My MIL was insistent that I had to have pearls, because... I don't know, tradition. I said heck no, pearls are oyster loogies. Some people thought it was not OK that my dress had color, because I was a first time bride. An older woman thought it was just scandalous that I didn't have a veil. I think older people will always be like that though...I'm sure in 30 years when my kids are getting married I'll be all annoyed because they're wearing animal skins and riding segways.

LadyL

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #162 on: April 05, 2013, 04:57:47 PM »
I think older people will always be like that though...I'm sure in 30 years when my kids are getting married I'll be all annoyed because they're wearing animal skins and riding segways.

Segways are disrespectful to those of us who can't afford them and have to walk like mortals. I mean, way to rub it in, hyper-mobile segwayers.

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #163 on: April 05, 2013, 06:20:36 PM »
I just remembered that the bridesmaids in my parent's wedding in 76 wore halter dresses, held in a Catholic church. My bf was a bridesmaid in her sister's wedding, also in a halter top and that was in a Greek Orthodox church.
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nuit93

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #164 on: April 05, 2013, 07:14:55 PM »
Quote
I would have had such a blast at your wedding! And your dress is lovely. I read on a wedding dress personality quiz that wearing a halter dress meant that you were a practical person. Mine will need quite a bit more coverage than that, though.

I said heck no, pearls are oyster loogies.

I will never look at my pearls without imagining oyster sound effects now :)