Author Topic: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses  (Read 25818 times)

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White Lotus

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #195 on: July 02, 2013, 05:19:31 PM »
After reading the entire thread again, I think one point MM meant to make, but missed, is that a ball gown is not appropriate in the day time, and a full-length strapless dress in silk or satin is a ball gown.  In a light unconstructed cotton print, it might be a beachy sun dress, but in candlelight satin with beads and lace and boning -- it is a ball gown.  And what ball happens at eleven in the morning or four in the afternoon?    Unless it is a formal evening wedding, I think a ball gown looks like a costume, not a dress, and that is what she disapproves of.  I think it is the appropriateness of the style for the time of day and the nature of the event -- not "wedding" so much as "church/temple", "registry/JP's office", "grandmother's garden" followed by "brunch," "tea", "BBQ",  "cocktail" or "ball" -- that she is reacting, not very eloquently, to.
Wear whatever turns you on and doesn't offend the rules of your venue as far as I am concerned, and maybe a full-on strapless, boned, beaded, crinolined, spangled and laced "bride costume" is exactly what you want to wear at brunch.  Enjoy!  I think MM would prefer you wore something more brunch-like and that is what she is trying to get across.
I wore an old-fashioned style of dress native to my ethnicity at my temple wedding in the Old Country and both the US receptions.  It was definitely a "bride costume," and I couldn't have got out of doing it no matter how I tried.  At the "make it legal" stop off (long story) I wore a casual dress I had with me that was appropriate for a JP's office and, later, dinner at a nice place.  The Prof wore slacks and a sportcoat, ditto.  To haul out and put on the Native Bridal Costume and his dinner jacket (there is a Native Groom Costume, but he wouldn't do it, and I agreed) would have felt silly to us, especially in the early afternoon in a JP's office, and I think it is that to which MM really speaks. FWIW

Yvaine

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #196 on: July 02, 2013, 05:25:29 PM »
After reading the entire thread again, I think one point MM meant to make, but missed, is that a ball gown is not appropriate in the day time, and a full-length strapless dress in silk or satin is a ball gown.  In a light unconstructed cotton print, it might be a beachy sun dress, but in candlelight satin with beads and lace and boning -- it is a ball gown.  And what ball happens at eleven in the morning or four in the afternoon?    Unless it is a formal evening wedding, I think a ball gown looks like a costume, not a dress, and that is what she disapproves of.  I think it is the appropriateness of the style for the time of day and the nature of the event -- not "wedding" so much as "church/temple", "registry/JP's office", "grandmother's garden" followed by "brunch," "tea", "BBQ",  "cocktail" or "ball" -- that she is reacting, not very eloquently, to.
Wear whatever turns you on and doesn't offend the rules of your venue as far as I am concerned, and maybe a full-on strapless, boned, beaded, crinolined, spangled and laced "bride costume" is exactly what you want to wear at brunch.  Enjoy!  I think MM would prefer you wore something more brunch-like and that is what she is trying to get across.

Well maybe, but she doesn't address time of day at all in the column--there's no mention of brunch or anything of the sort.

lady_disdain

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #197 on: July 02, 2013, 06:12:31 PM »
After reading the entire thread again, I think one point MM meant to make, but missed, is that a ball gown is not appropriate in the day time, and a full-length strapless dress in silk or satin is a ball gown.  In a light unconstructed cotton print, it might be a beachy sun dress, but in candlelight satin with beads and lace and boning -- it is a ball gown.  And what ball happens at eleven in the morning or four in the afternoon?    Unless it is a formal evening wedding, I think a ball gown looks like a costume, not a dress, and that is what she disapproves of.  I think it is the appropriateness of the style for the time of day and the nature of the event -- not "wedding" so much as "church/temple", "registry/JP's office", "grandmother's garden" followed by "brunch," "tea", "BBQ",  "cocktail" or "ball" -- that she is reacting, not very eloquently, to.
Wear whatever turns you on and doesn't offend the rules of your venue as far as I am concerned, and maybe a full-on strapless, boned, beaded, crinolined, spangled and laced "bride costume" is exactly what you want to wear at brunch.  Enjoy!  I think MM would prefer you wore something more brunch-like and that is what she is trying to get across.

True but the problem is the full length, satin, etc, not the straplessness ;) itself.

KenveeB

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #198 on: July 02, 2013, 09:08:06 PM »
After reading the entire thread again, I think one point MM meant to make, but missed, is that a ball gown is not appropriate in the day time, and a full-length strapless dress in silk or satin is a ball gown.  In a light unconstructed cotton print, it might be a beachy sun dress, but in candlelight satin with beads and lace and boning -- it is a ball gown.  And what ball happens at eleven in the morning or four in the afternoon?    Unless it is a formal evening wedding, I think a ball gown looks like a costume, not a dress, and that is what she disapproves of.  I think it is the appropriateness of the style for the time of day and the nature of the event -- not "wedding" so much as "church/temple", "registry/JP's office", "grandmother's garden" followed by "brunch," "tea", "BBQ",  "cocktail" or "ball" -- that she is reacting, not very eloquently, to.
Wear whatever turns you on and doesn't offend the rules of your venue as far as I am concerned, and maybe a full-on strapless, boned, beaded, crinolined, spangled and laced "bride costume" is exactly what you want to wear at brunch.  Enjoy!  I think MM would prefer you wore something more brunch-like and that is what she is trying to get across.

True but the problem is the full length, satin, etc, not the straplessness ;) itself.

Not to mention she's specifically asked if it's the shape of the sleeves or the fluffiness of the skirt that distinguishes the dress. If her problem was with dresses that look overly formal for the occasion, she had the perfect set-up for it. She chose to attack strapless gowns above everything -- even the big poufy ballgown skirt that makes a dress look much more formal than merely being strapless. So her problem is absolutely with strapless, not with too formal dresses or dresses that look like a costume.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #199 on: July 02, 2013, 09:26:44 PM »
And if she has not seen that 90% of the wedding dresses these days are strapless, then I seriously have to wonder how in touch with reality she is.

jedikaiti

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #200 on: July 02, 2013, 11:17:10 PM »
And if she has not seen that 90% of the wedding dresses these days are strapless, then I seriously have to wonder how in touch with reality she is.

Clearly she has not had to go dress shopping on a budget anytime in recent memory. I really wanted sleeves for my wedding, but that would have required a very expensive custom dress.
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Garden Goblin

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #201 on: July 02, 2013, 11:27:49 PM »
I think this is a case where it is ruder to care than it is to take the not- totally- etiquette- approved action.

lurkerwisp

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Re: Miss Manners on strapless wedding dresses
« Reply #202 on: August 06, 2013, 11:38:36 AM »
And if she has not seen that 90% of the wedding dresses these days are strapless, then I seriously have to wonder how in touch with reality she is.

Clearly she has not had to go dress shopping on a budget anytime in recent memory. I really wanted sleeves for my wedding, but that would have required a very expensive custom dress.

I had the same problem.  I had really wanted to wear my grandmother's dress, which had sleeves, but it was fragile and needed repairs that cost more than a new dress.  When I tried to find something that looked even a little like it with pretty long sleeves for my January wedding my only options were beyond anything resembling my budget.  Instead I found something that I really liked, was flattering on me, and yes, also was strapless.  Something with sleeves just didn't exist in my price range.