Author Topic: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions  (Read 1365 times)

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Psychopoesie

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #15 on: May 27, 2014, 07:11:39 AM »
I tend to introduce relatives with title and the name I'd expect the friend to use with the relative.

For example, with my mum I'd say "Kermit, this is my mum, "Firstname". When I was much younger, it would be "Mrs Lastname" as more of a respect to your elders thing. My only surviving aunt lives a fair distance from me so the situation doesn't come up as often but I'd follow the same approach. I'm in a family where we don't tend to drop the aunty/uncle title ever. YMMV.

It was rude for the aunt to correct OP's terminology for everyone. She sounds like she handled this badly. However, I think it would've been ok for her to say how she personally wanted to be addressed by DF - by first name, as mr/mrs Lastname, aunt/y X or a nickname. Not exactly the same but my uncle, for example, was uncle bobby to us all when I was growing up. He asked to be called uncle Rob when he hit his 60s, so I obliged.

MariaE

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2014, 07:13:14 AM »
Abrupt/rude to whom, DF or my relatives? DF knew who they were before we got there. I had given him a quick rundown of everyone beforehand, it was just because the time to put names to faces. The only people there were my mother's siblings, one cousin, and my immediate family.

Do your uncles and aunts know that though? Like Ceallach said, I think it's polite to mention "context" (for want of a better word) during an introduction.

Your aunt was still rude though - no doubt about that.
 
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Margo

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #17 on: May 27, 2014, 08:53:48 AM »
I agree that your aunt was rude.

How you you normally refer to your aunts and uncles - if you are speaking to your uncle, do you call him John, or Uncle John.

I think if you normally call him 'Uncle John' then suddenly not using 'uncle' is going to seem slightly odd. And even though your fiance knew in general who he was meeting I think it would still have been fine for you to have gone down the 'Fiance, this is my uncle, John Smith, Or, I'd like you to say Hi to John Smith, my uncle"

I also don;t think our aunt has any right to dictate how you speak to, or refer to, any of you relations other than herself. for herself, if you introduce her to your fiance as Mary Jones, and he greets her as Mary, she is free to say she prefers 'Mrs Jones',she is also free to invite him to call her Auntie Mary, but I don't think he would be in any way rude to decline.

I think the issue of acquireng relations by marriage is a fascinating one - I would not automatically think of my (hypothetical) husband's aunts and uncles becoming mine, and would not call them Aunt or Uncle, but would think of the spouses of my aunts and uncles as being aunts and uncles. (what I would call them is more difficult, since I call my blood relatives by first names not titles, so my aunt Sally's husband would be Tony, not uncle Tony, just as she would be Sally, not Auntie Sally.)

I can't quite articulate why this would be - maybe because one is more likely to acquire aunts and uncles by their marriage when you are a child, and calling most adults by some title as a form of respect / acknowlegment of their seniority, whereas new relatives that you aquire by your own marriage are met as adults on a more equal footing?
(In general, I mean - of course there are exceptions)

Yvaine

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #18 on: May 27, 2014, 09:26:00 AM »
I vote for introducing them as "my Aunt Alice/my Uncle Umberto". It feels like it's the most polite options (whether or not DF is supposed to call them aunt/uncle) and for your DF will be easier to remember connections between relatives.

I agree with this. Just saying "DF, this is Alice" seems a bit... if not rude, then at least abrupt, as you aren't putting Alice into any kind of context for DF.

This is what i do too.

Kaymar

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #19 on: May 27, 2014, 10:21:29 AM »
I vote for introducing them as "my Aunt Alice/my Uncle Umberto". It feels like it's the most polite options (whether or not DF is supposed to call them aunt/uncle) and for your DF will be easier to remember connections between relatives.

I agree with this. Just saying "DF, this is Alice" seems a bit... if not rude, then at least abrupt, as you aren't putting Alice into any kind of context for DF.

Agree.  It seems very odd to be at a gathering at which you are introducing your fiance to a bunch of different family members and not specifying the relationship of each one to you.

This is what i do too.

Dindrane

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #20 on: May 27, 2014, 10:52:18 AM »
I think how to introduce relatives, especially those older than you, is very culture specific. And I include cultures specific to an individual family in that.

I personally still call all of my aunts and uncles using the "Aunt" or "Uncle" title, even though I'm nearly 30. That's a family culture that is probably influenced by the fact that I'm from the south, and I'm pretty sure none of my cousins have dropped the titles, either. Several people in my generation are married, but none of the spouses use the aunt or uncle titles. I'm pretty sure when I introduce my aunts and uncles to anyone, I use the "my aunt Jane" phrasing that others have mentioned already, because I never call my aunt Jane anything but Aunt Jane in her presence. When introducing my husband to my aunts and uncles for the first time, I had also done the family tree rundown in advance, but that just meant I didn't bother with anyone's last names. I'm pretty sure I did keep the titles.

My husband's family, on the other hand, lives in a country where it would be unspeakably rude to call any adult older than you by their first name without a title. Whether they are actually related to you or not is kind of irrelevant, since everyone considered to be "part of the family" gets the same titles (and anyone not considered to be family still gets a title, just not necessarily the ones used for family). So my husband introduced his relatives to me with their respective titles, and I have always used them. His younger relatives use the appropriate titles when talking to me, and I have never corrected them (except to remind my husband's young nephew that he is indeed supposed to use a title when talking to me, but only after his parents chided him for leaving it off).

So in your case, I think it depends on whether you still use titles when you talk to your aunts and uncles. If you do, you should have continued to use them when introducing them to your fiance (even if he wouldn't be expected to use them). If you don't, then what you did in your introductions was probably fine. Regardless, your aunt responded in an extremely rude way, even if your family's culture would normally dictate using titles in introductions.


Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #21 on: May 27, 2014, 11:00:17 AM »
If I were introducing someone to my family, I would say, 'This is my Dad, (slight pause) Harvey.'  'This is my uncle, (slight pause) Bob.' 'This is my aunt, (slight pause) Betty.'

To indicate their relationship to me and to give their name.  I don't use honorifics anymore, now that I'm 46, although I do still have a problem calling them by their first name.  I do everything I can to avoid calling them anything.   ;D  I feel silly calling him 'Uncle Bob' but I'm not real comfortable calling him just 'Bob'.

Your aunt was very rude.  And I'd probably be PA about it and tell DF, in future, to just call her Betty and skip the honorific.  Frankly, she hasn't earned it.  Using Aunt implies a close relationship to me and if this is how she acts, that's never going to happen.
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Ontario

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Re: S/O Referring to Aunts and Uncles - Introductions
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2014, 04:52:55 PM »
I honestly don't remember if I said, "DF, this is my aunt and uncle, Joe and Robin."  However, they were all aunts and uncles, so I guess I didn't feel the need to keep saying that.  Also, this was all rather informal, as our family tends to be; had this been a more formal setting, I most likely would have taken to each of them to introduce them rather than standing at the end of the table at which we were seated and going around the table.

If I were introducing someone to my family, I would say, 'This is my Dad, (slight pause) Harvey.'  'This is my uncle, (slight pause) Bob.' 'This is my aunt, (slight pause) Betty.'

To indicate their relationship to me and to give their name.  I don't use honorifics anymore, now that I'm 46, although I do still have a problem calling them by their first name.  I do everything I can to avoid calling them anything.   ;D  I feel silly calling him 'Uncle Bob' but I'm not real comfortable calling him just 'Bob'.

Your aunt was very rude.  And I'd probably be PA about it and tell DF, in future, to just call her Betty and skip the honorific.  Frankly, she hasn't earned it.  Using Aunt implies a close relationship to me and if this is how she acts, that's never going to happen.

I try my best to not call them anything, either, when it's face to face.  We're adults now, so it feels weird to me to use a title, but it also feels weird not to do so because it's what I've always done.  I usually just go talk to them without saying their names.
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