Author Topic: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?  (Read 5048 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2013, 07:20:10 PM »
If I were a guest and saw the host doing a lot of work for myself and others to enjoy themselves, I'd be suggesting to the others we let the host have a comfy seat after all the work she's doing.
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jpcher

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2013, 07:26:45 PM »
Just curious -- has the seating taken on a somewhat "assigned" feel? Like Jim always sits in this corner of the couch, Sue always sits in that chair? Does everybody always gravitate to the same spot each week?

It's a weekly event that has been going on for a couple of years, so I can see how some people have "claimed their spot" and others stay away from Jim's favorite spot because Jim always sits there. (Has Jim ever complained -- "That's my seat?")


I'm wondering if you could maybe change things up a bit in a fun way.*

Like play musical chairs before the show starts and then again 1/2 way through.

Or assign each seat a number, then have guests draw a number before they get comfortable and that's where they sit that night. New numbers drawn every week.

Or make it a rule that nobody sits in the same spot 2 weeks in a row. "Because we're getting set in our ways. This is just to do something different each week." ;D


This is an uncomfortable issue with you. Other than calling a stop to your weekly hosting I think you are well within etiquette rights to change the "usual."


*You said in your OP that this is a fun group and you've already solved 2 problems with a group that you've been hosting for years. That tells me that they would be amenable to a change like this . . . especially if done in a fun, not whiny way.

eta: if anybody complains about your change-up? than you should insist that others take turns hosting 3 times a month. You'll take the 4th week.





On the personal side -- I have my Sheldon seat. I claim it as mine simply because I am able to see the hall to the bedrooms, the front door, the dining room, 1/4 of the kitchen and when the drapes are open, the living room and what is watched on TV, along with a perfect eye's view of the back yard and deck. Yeah. This is the all-seeing MOM's chair. 8) Frequent guests know this. If an unknowing guest sits in my chair? I'll not say a word and do like you do, OP -- hostess takes the short end.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 07:30:55 PM by jpcher »

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #17 on: April 02, 2013, 07:55:47 PM »
jpcher - the type of seat you described is called the 'command position' in feng shui... Having view of all entrances to the room/your home/access to childrens rooms and a solid wall to your back gives a natural state of ease.  Most people will seek out a seat like this in any situation... It's a natural instinct.. And it drives me nuts when my mom comes over my apt and takes my chair, haha.  Or when my BF comes home from work and I'm at his house and he says "Can I sit in my chair now please?" but I totally get it - it's human nature.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 07:58:09 PM by Delia DeLyons »
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turnip

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2013, 08:07:19 PM »
I would be very uncomfortable if I was at an informal get together with friends and anyone - including the host - started declaring that a certain spot was 'theirs'.     If there was some clear physical reason ( broken leg, pregnant, nursing.. ) than it would be understandable, but if the host just came out and said "I'm sitting in the comfy chair tonight!" then I then I'd start to feel very self conscious - suddenly there are rules about who sits where, and I've got to negotiate though them.   

I don't know how your parties have evolved to the point you are at, I don't know why the same people always get the best seats, but if I was host, I'd be more concerned that my fellow floor-sitters were getting tired of not having nice chairs, and trying to find a way to make sure they didn't feel squeezed out.   

TootsNYC

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2013, 08:11:12 PM »
In my house, I always get first dibs on my chair.  It doesn't matter who else is there.  I've never really considered whether that is "rude" or not, but I don't intend to change.

At the risk of triggering the Sexism Patrol--is this a guy thing? I know that my FIL and my DH have "their" chairs; w/ them both, I feel it very much is a male thing--"master of the house" sort of thing.

I wonder if there's some socialization going on, that women more often get the message they they're supposed to give stuff up for other people.

MrTango

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2013, 08:40:08 PM »
In my house, I always get first dibs on my chair.  It doesn't matter who else is there.  I've never really considered whether that is "rude" or not, but I don't intend to change.

At the risk of triggering the Sexism Patrol--is this a guy thing? I know that my FIL and my DH have "their" chairs; w/ them both, I feel it very much is a male thing--"master of the house" sort of thing.

I wonder if there's some socialization going on, that women more often get the message they they're supposed to give stuff up for other people.

I suppose it could be, but LadyTango also has "her" spot on the couch as well.  Of course, it'd be hard for anyone to sit there since when she's not sitting down, her current knitting project is usually sitting in that spot awaiting her return.

Arrynne

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2013, 08:55:30 PM »
When we have friends over, my husband usually gets his "spot".  He wouldn't dream of throwing someone out of the spot if they were already sitting there. 

I don't see a problem with asking your friends to please leave you your favorite spot some of the time, but I would be pretty insulted if someone kicked me out of a spot after I had already made myself comfortable.  Maybe put your drink next to that spot and drape a throw over the cushion to "claim" it.  I've noticed a lot of people are reluctant to move anything in order to sit at someone else's home.  If someone happens to sit there anyway, I wouldn't make a big deal about it.  If I happened to sit in a spot someone had already "claimed" with a beverage, I would probably apologize and ask to swap seats with them.

Bluenomi

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2013, 08:58:57 PM »
Have you got a cat? Just leave something on your prefered spot you know the cat will sleep on and nobody else will sit there because they'll have to move the cat and they can't move the cute little kitty. Then you move the cat and get your spot  ;D Works in my house!

Roe

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #23 on: April 02, 2013, 09:00:29 PM »
As a host, I always make sure my guests have comfortable seats.  However, since this is a weekly event and an informal one at that, I don't think there's anything wrong is pulling a Sheldon. ;)

doodlemor

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #24 on: April 02, 2013, 09:22:55 PM »
Or assign each seat a number, then have guests draw a number before they get comfortable and that's where they sit that night. New numbers drawn every week.

I really like this.  You could tell everyone that you all are in a seating rut, or else be blunt and say that the same people are always on the floor.  If some  people are sitting on the sofa and other comfy places every week, I'm surprised that they don't feel a bit of guilt by now.

dearabby

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #25 on: April 02, 2013, 10:07:37 PM »
I have to say I'm relieved that there's so much discussion on this- it makes me feel like its not too cut and dried. ;) I didn't mean to imply that I'd take a choice spot every time, just do I always have to take the "worst" spot because I'm the host? (And none of my guests have ever told me this, it's just how I was raised/taught to host)

It really is a fun group (and they tease me a bit about opening a B&B with my hosting abilities), but its also essentially 10 weeks of hosting and when we started I was doing my "party" level entertaining and burned out.

The group are all in their 20s-30s, so no health/physical issues to give some priority over the others. Amylouky brought up the point about not having enough seating. For parties I never invite more than I have seats, but these are all friends and grew a bit organically- I'm the only one with HBO, so rotating isn't possible. They of course have the option to stay home if they are uncomfortable with the set-up, but nobody has done that to date.

I like jpchers idea for rotating the chairs and think this will get us off to a fun start.

I'mnotinsane

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2013, 07:27:19 AM »
I have to say I'm relieved that there's so much discussion on this- it makes me feel like its not too cut and dried. ;) I didn't mean to imply that I'd take a choice spot every time, just do I always have to take the "worst" spot because I'm the host? (And none of my guests have ever told me this, it's just how I was raised/taught to host)

It really is a fun group (and they tease me a bit about opening a B&B with my hosting abilities), but its also essentially 10 weeks of hosting and when we started I was doing my "party" level entertaining and burned out.

The group are all in their 20s-30s, so no health/physical issues to give some priority over the others. Amylouky brought up the point about not having enough seating. For parties I never invite more than I have seats, but these are all friends and grew a bit organically- I'm the only one with HBO, so rotating isn't possible. They of course have the option to stay home if they are uncomfortable with the set-up, but nobody has done that to date.

I like jpchers idea for rotating the chairs and think this will get us off to a fun start.

For me, the bolded makes a difference.  You pay for the premium channel so you can watch your show.  I would want to have my chair to watch my show.  You are not hosting so much as allowing others to share your HBO.  I would just tell others your chair is off limits-politely of course.

secretrebel

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2013, 07:30:23 AM »
I got a bit burned out on these events because of always sitting on the floor.

I hosted, I sat on the floor. I went as a guest, I still ended up sitting on the floor. I decided that I'd have to only go to these things if I was genuinely happy with sitting on the floor all the time. I wasn't (even though I like sitting on the floor a lot of the time) because it felt really selfish and like people didn't care about everyone having an equal share of comfort. So I stopped going.

OP, I think it would be okay to bring it up though and say "hey guys, can we take turns at the comfy chairs?" Maybe even add. "Or I'm going to have to invite fewer people."

NyaChan

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #28 on: April 03, 2013, 08:15:56 AM »
Hmm the HBO thing is kind of making me rethink - it seems more like you are doing these friends a favor than actually hosting them as guests.  If you are close enough that they feel comfortable with using your HBO every week as a standing invitation, I think you would be ok to (in a laughing/smiling way) say "OK this week I call the couch!

Or if you want to be more subtle, have a drink or item such as a book out before they come and place it next to or on the seat you wish to occupy - then when people arrive say, "Have a seat, I was in that corner, but there's still a couple of spots left on the couch."  The latter is actually how things usually work out when my friend and I meet for tv and the "guest" joins the host on their couch.  I'm thinking it might still work in a group. 

Margo

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Re: Hosting question. Can I pull a Sheldon and claim my favorite spot?
« Reply #29 on: April 03, 2013, 08:54:34 AM »
Hmm the HBO thing is kind of making me rethink - it seems more like you are doing these friends a favor than actually hosting them as guests.  If you are close enough that they feel comfortable with using your HBO every week as a standing invitation, I think you would be ok to (in a laughing/smiling way) say "OK this week I call the couch!

Or if you want to be more subtle, have a drink or item such as a book out before they come and place it next to or on the seat you wish to occupy - then when people arrive say, "Have a seat, I was in that corner, but there's still a couple of spots left on the couch."  The latter is actually how things usually work out when my friend and I meet for tv and the "guest" joins the host on their couch.  I'm thinking it might still work in a group.

I think this is a good suggestion. I don't think that you are rude in wanting to have a comfortable seat in your own home.

What do the floor-sitters sit on? It might be worth while suggesting that people bring bean-bags or extra cushions to make that more comfortable. And if you happen to notice that the same other people always end up sitting on the floor, it might be appropriate (at the point when people are still arriving / standing around talking) to specifically invite them to take the couch / other comfy chairs.  If anyone comments in 'but that's my spot' way it gives you an opening to say something along that lines of 'I know it's less comfortable to sit on the floor, but it's fairer if  we take turns rather than [name of regular floor-sitter] ending up on the floor every week. And if not, then you've broken the habit of it always being the same people who get the short straw.

(and you can stop someone sitting down 'prematurely' by asking them to help out in some way - if you'e asked Joe to go into the kitchn and put the ships into bowls, he can't be sitting in the living room grabbing the best seat before anyone else has arrived!

I'd find it off putting to have a game of musical chairs, or a raffle for seats suddenly announced so I wouldn't *personally* go down that route, but that's probably a 'know your audience' thing.