Author Topic: Curious about diet etiquette - update p.27  (Read 5067 times)

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Seraphine1

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2013, 05:52:33 PM »
Do you know for certain that the friend in question was doing Weight Watchers?  I eat low carb and avoiding pizza for chicken and turning down low fat "light" salad dressings is certainly something I would do.  Light salad dressing is notoriously high in sugar and pizza is one of those foods  don't lend well to having the carbs removed.

I would have asked my host/ess first if I planned on bringing something low-carb with me to eat, but I don't think it's rude to try to take care of yourself and maintain your diet.  For low-carbers, a little bite *will* mess up their weight loss for several days to a whole week (plus it can lead to a dramatic rise in blood sugar levels, which can trigger binging behaviours... it's like opening the floodgates just a trickle, and getting a whole flood!)

I'd say to ask first, and either be prepared to cheat on the night if accommodations can't be made or decline the invitation.  I would never tell a friend they couldn't bring something extra if it meant keeping them on track.  Dieting is hard enough!



ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2013, 06:08:16 PM »
This strikes me as kind of a non-issues. It wasn't a meal someone had slaved hours over a hot stove, it was takeout pizza. If this person was on a diet and knew in advance that the meal was going to be pizza (instead of a typical holiday meal that includes meat and veg and salad), then I'm not sure why it's a big deal for her to have brought her own diet-friendly food. Grilled chicken to me isn't a "superior" food compared to pizza. If she brought over filet mignon or sea bass with organic baby greens, I could see where it would be weird. As someone who has struggled with their weight for years, I would tend to be sympathetic with someone who has made the commitment (so difficult!) to losing weight so much so that they plan their food in advance and bring it, even when it's a little awkward. Cut this person some slack.

I don't think I indicated that I thought she meant for her meal to be superior to ours. 

I'm not actually sure that I agree that the meal being pizza made it more OK for the guest to bring her own meal.  Seems like a slippery slope to me.


ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #17 on: April 02, 2013, 06:12:59 PM »
Did  you ask your Mum if they cleared it with her? I certainly wouldn't announce to the table that "so and so is eating something different"- I'd just quietly let them do it. I can't eat pizza at all and I might not be able to eat salad dressings (lactose intolerant), so I could well see doing this.

I'm waiting for my mom to respond to my email about it.  I told her my etiquette board needs to know.   ;D



Danika

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2013, 06:14:34 PM »
Did  you ask your Mum if they cleared it with her? I certainly wouldn't announce to the table that "so and so is eating something different"- I'd just quietly let them do it. I can't eat pizza at all and I might not be able to eat salad dressings (lactose intolerant), so I could well see doing this.

I'm waiting for my mom to respond to my email about it.  I told her my etiquette board needs to know.   ;D

Awesome! Good ehellion! :)

ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2013, 06:17:31 PM »
...When I mentioned it to a friend, she said that something like this is considered a no-no in Weight Watchers because it makes other people feel uncomfortable.  That one should eat beforehand if they don't think they'll be able to eat a reasonable amount of the unhealthy stuff being offered... 
I don't think it's a WW thing.  I've done WW for years, and I've never heard of it as a "diet" thing.  For me, it would be a time and place issue.  In similar situations, I've either brought enough of a diet entree to share or eaten before I got to the event & had a token meal there.  If pizza is a trigger food, it's hard to eat just a little of it (plus one slice of pizza is not very filling vs how "bad" it is). 

The WW thing is, you should not bring just your own special, just for you food.
They suggest offering to bring a dish yourself, but enough for everyone "Oh thank you so much for the invite Aunt Mary, we'd be delighted to come! No we don't mind you're not up to cooking and will be serving pizza, that's wonderful!  Hey would it be helpful if I brought a big green salad?  Its absolutely no trouble!"
Or to eat a proper meal at home (being mindful of points) and then have a very small piece of pizza along with everyone else.
The whole point of of the WW program is you can still eat pizza (and chips, and cake, and lasagne, etc), just in moderation. So the point would be 'don't show up hungry to a pizza dinner'.

I personally do subscribe to the "bring enough for everyone or don't bring any at all" philosophy, although in some cases I think its ok. But in general, barring a medical need for example, I think it is pretty rude, to hosts and to other guests, to bring your own personal meal to a shared family-style meal.

Thanks for clarifying the WW bit.  That makes sense to me.

I'm starting to think that my negative reaction to this may have been mostly about her not bringing a dish to share.  Actually, there was a chickpea salad (healthy!) that I made last Easter that she loved and got the recipe for.  That would have been a good choice.  (Just musing out loud).

ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2013, 06:21:08 PM »
Do you know for certain that the friend in question was doing Weight Watchers?  I eat low carb and avoiding pizza for chicken and turning down low fat "light" salad dressings is certainly something I would do.  Light salad dressing is notoriously high in sugar and pizza is one of those foods  don't lend well to having the carbs removed.

I would have asked my host/ess first if I planned on bringing something low-carb with me to eat, but I don't think it's rude to try to take care of yourself and maintain your diet.  For low-carbers, a little bite *will* mess up their weight loss for several days to a whole week (plus it can lead to a dramatic rise in blood sugar levels, which can trigger binging behaviours... it's like opening the floodgates just a trickle, and getting a whole flood!)

I'd say to ask first, and either be prepared to cheat on the night if accommodations can't be made or decline the invitation.  I would never tell a friend they couldn't bring something extra if it meant keeping them on track.  Dieting is hard enough!

Oh, I don't know if she's doing WW.  My friend who I mentioned the situation to is though. This guest tends to do fad diets.

I do want to clarify that she doesn't have any allergies or food restrictions.


Oh, and the salad dressing she brought was also light - that's why I thought it was so weird. :P

katycoo

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2013, 06:35:22 PM »
I'm interested to know more context about the "guest".

You say your mum wasn't up to cooking.  So I presume then the guest was not invited for dinner, per se, but rather is staying at your home for the period?

A meal was provided but not personally prepared. The guest preferred not to partake and made her own arrangements.  Under these circumstances, I really don't see an issue. 

Seraphine1

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2013, 06:38:48 PM »
That she also brought light dressing confuses things... tricky!

My MIL refuses to understand that I eat differently from her.  She sees me eat proteins, fats and vegetables, but insists I should be able to eat light yogurt because "it's low fat!  Nothing in there that can hurt you! It's healthy!"  Well, except for the sugar, which per portion is more than I eat in 2 days.  The chickpea salad may be healthy for you, but not for me.  It's a hard journey to keep up with!

Your friend may be on a fad diet with which the rules of may be vague to you and me, but if it's working for her and she's trying, what's the harm in it?  Yes, ideally she probably should have brought enough chicken for everyone, but if she knew everyone else was eating pizza, what would the point of it be? 

cicero

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2013, 05:59:16 AM »
I know I've read stuff on here where it's fine to bring your own food to events if you know the host won't be serving anything you can eat.


I don't remember reading this. It's fine to *ask*. And with family/really close friends, i think it's fine to say "thanks for the invite. Since I'm on NewFangledDiet, do you mind if i bought some grilled chicken to share?"

I don't think it matters that your mom served pizza - it was a dinner, with nice table settings, and the *pizza* was the meal. if the guest couldn't/didn't want to eat pizza they could have declined or asked if they could bring something. but i wouldn't think this is a "given".

and i agree with some PPs about the WW thing (if in fact this guest is on WW )- there is no problem eating pizza and salad as long as you *bank up* enough points. have one slice and a big bowl of salad.

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ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2013, 07:59:36 AM »
I'm interested to know more context about the "guest".

You say your mum wasn't up to cooking.  So I presume then the guest was not invited for dinner, per se, but rather is staying at your home for the period?

A meal was provided but not personally prepared. The guest preferred not to partake and made her own arrangements.  Under these circumstances, I really don't see an issue.

Oh, she wasn't a house guest.  And despite it just being pizza, we were all invited for dinner.

ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2013, 08:02:56 AM »
That she also brought light dressing confuses things... tricky!

My MIL refuses to understand that I eat differently from her.  She sees me eat proteins, fats and vegetables, but insists I should be able to eat light yogurt because "it's low fat!  Nothing in there that can hurt you! It's healthy!"  Well, except for the sugar, which per portion is more than I eat in 2 days.  The chickpea salad may be healthy for you, but not for me.  It's a hard journey to keep up with!

Your friend may be on a fad diet with which the rules of may be vague to you and me, but if it's working for her and she's trying, what's the harm in it?  Yes, ideally she probably should have brought enough chicken for everyone, but if she knew everyone else was eating pizza, what would the point of it be?

No, there's no harm in it, and I don't begrudge anyone who's doing what they need to in order to be healthy.  I was wondering if this might be one of those "understandably rude" situations. 

ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #26 on: April 03, 2013, 08:06:03 AM »
I know I've read stuff on here where it's fine to bring your own food to events if you know the host won't be serving anything you can eat.


I don't remember reading this. It's fine to *ask*. And with family/really close friends, i think it's fine to say "thanks for the invite. Since I'm on NewFangledDiet, do you mind if i bought some grilled chicken to share?"

I don't think it matters that your mom served pizza - it was a dinner, with nice table settings, and the *pizza* was the meal. if the guest couldn't/didn't want to eat pizza they could have declined or asked if they could bring something. but i wouldn't think this is a "given".

and i agree with some PPs about the WW thing (if in fact this guest is on WW )- there is no problem eating pizza and salad as long as you *bank up* enough points. have one slice and a big bowl of salad.

Ah, I should have been more specific.  I've read threads about people with food allergies, intolerances, or illnesses that heavily affect someone's diet and they need to bring their own food, and that's considered ok.  I think.  Maybe these threads only exist in my head.  :P

ettiquit

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #27 on: April 03, 2013, 08:14:34 AM »
So, my mom responded and said that the guest did clear it with her and she had no problem with it. 

Funny though, I suddenly remembered a time a few years ago when this guest hosted a gathering and only served pizza and salad.  My mom was at a point in her own diet where she had to be very strict, and pizza is a trigger food for her.  She still didn't bring her own food (though no one would have begrudged her if she had), so while I believe her when she said she didn't mind this guest doing that, I don't think she'd ever do that herself. 

The opinions in this thread are pretty mixed, and I completely understand both sides.  I do think I'm leaning towards considering it to be rude, though not horribly/unforgivingly so, of course.

NyaChan

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette - update p.27
« Reply #28 on: April 03, 2013, 08:18:05 AM »
You see I'm like your mom in that I would let a guest do it and not mind, but wouldn't do it myself.  It isn't because I think it is rude - I don't as long as permission is obtained.  I wouldn't do it because I tend to keep dieting to myself.  I would be uncomfortable having it exposed to everyone in the room that I was on a diet and to have that attention drawn to me at dinner.

Zizi-K

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Re: Curious about diet etiquette
« Reply #29 on: April 03, 2013, 08:32:32 AM »
This strikes me as kind of a non-issues. It wasn't a meal someone had slaved hours over a hot stove, it was takeout pizza. If this person was on a diet and knew in advance that the meal was going to be pizza (instead of a typical holiday meal that includes meat and veg and salad), then I'm not sure why it's a big deal for her to have brought her own diet-friendly food. Grilled chicken to me isn't a "superior" food compared to pizza. If she brought over filet mignon or sea bass with organic baby greens, I could see where it would be weird. As someone who has struggled with their weight for years, I would tend to be sympathetic with someone who has made the commitment (so difficult!) to losing weight so much so that they plan their food in advance and bring it, even when it's a little awkward. Cut this person some slack.

I don't think I indicated that I thought she meant for her meal to be superior to ours. 

Fair enough. I thought that's what you were implying when you said that you felt she should have brought enough to share. My mistake.

I'm not actually sure that I agree that the meal being pizza made it more OK for the guest to bring her own meal.  Seems like a slippery slope to me.

The meal being pizza is only important insofar in that it's generally a difficult food to eat if you are on a diet. Yes, you can bank your WW points, but you'll still be starving an hour later if you only eat one slice. More "traditional" holiday meals contain enough healthy items to be serviceable to someone on a diet. (Or, at least they were how my grandmother cooked them - roast meats, steamed vegs, etc. You'd have to skip the mashed potatoes, but sometimes they were baked, etc.) If you were doing low-carb or low-fat, you could make it work. Pizza is really hard to make work on a diet.

I did another type of diet for awhile that would have made things difficult on two fronts. I did OA-HOW, which uses a meal plan from a nutritionist (for which pizza would have been nearly impossible), and I had a sponsor to whom I committed my food daily. This why, I had to know what I was eating for the day, and it took the guesswork out of meals (as well as that moment when you're wondering what to have for dinner and start snacking on crap while thinking about it.) This made it so I had to bring food to some family events and at times it was awkward. I had to eat 12oz of veggies (steamed or raw, or some combination), which is 3/4 of a pound. There's no way I could have brought enough steamed veg for everyone (it being not only kind of expensive but also a very large volume). Nor were they particularly interested in having steamed green beans on the side of their pizza or mac and cheese. But luckily, my family recognized that I was struggling to stick to a healthy way of eating, so they supported me and  didn't make things difficult by judging my desire to avoid the foods they were eating. (I did not judge their desire to eat them. I wanted to eat them too!)

Regarding the salad dressing - some people are just picky about dressing because it's the only thing that allows them to choke down the salad they would rather not be eating. It's not a judgment about the dressings your mom has. I love salads, but I only love them with the right dressing. (Luckily I like a lot of dressings) But I was just abroad recently in a country where they only serve salad with a side of oil and vinegar - not my favorite. It made it much harder for me to choose the salads knowing I wouldn't enjoy it really.