Declining Treat

[LadyR]

Today we were in a hurry so we stopped at Popular Fast Food chain for lunch. DS had just woken up from his nap, was hungry and was a little cranky. He was offered a balloon and refused it, freaking out, I took him to our table to try and calm him while DH got our food. DH showed up with our order, plus a small thing of ice cream that the woman behind the counter gave him as a treat for DS. I didn't want it to go to waste, so I gave him the ice cream, but I wasn't thrilled at rewarding him for having a temper tantrum (though as soon as the food arrived, he calmed right down, he was very hungry), especially after he had refused the balloon. I conveyed this to DH, who agreed with me, but didn't know what to say as the woman had already dished up the ice cream. How should we handle this next time?

[NyaChan]

Were you at Culvers?  I ask because their kids meals automatically come with dessert, so in that case may not have been anything more than her just giving what she would have otherwise.

[Sharnita]

She might have seen it as a peace offering for frightening him with the balloon.

[LadyR]

Were you at Culvers?  I ask because their kids meals automatically come with dessert, so in that case may not have been anything more than her just giving what she would have otherwise.

Nope, never even heard of Culvers. Think Golden Arches, definitely not standard (we didn't even order him a kid's meal, he's 18 months, he stills shares our food).

[Moray]

Hmm, sounds like the lady behind the counter did nothing wrong. If something like this ever happens again, the appropriate thing to do is dispose of the ice cream (into the trash, or into you or your husband). This sounds like it might also a good time to discuss with your husband that it's okay to say no, even to explain "he's not allowed treats if he throws a tantrum. Thanks, though!", or to just throw it in the trash.

[JenJay]

I think it was a nice gesture. It may have been her way of trying to make up for accidentally upsetting him with the balloon, or maybe she thought an ice cream would cheer him up and that would be nice for you. I can understand not wanting to reward a tantrum though. I probably would have told him "If you calm down and eat your lunch you can have this." and if he didn't I'd eat it myself. 

[thedudeabides]

Your husband should have said no if you didn't want him to have the ice cream.  I don't see where the woman at the counter was in any way at fault for trying to provide you with a positive customer service experience.

[Docslady21]

Today we were in a hurry so we stopped at Popular Fast Food chain for lunch. DS had just woken up from his nap, was hungry and was a little cranky. He was offered a balloon and refused it, freaking out, I took him to our table to try and calm him while DH got our food. DH showed up with our order, plus a small thing of ice cream that the woman behind the counter gave him as a treat for DS. I didn't want it to go to waste, so I gave him the ice cream, but I wasn't thrilled at rewarding him for having a temper tantrum (though as soon as the food arrived, he calmed right down, he was very hungry), especially after he had refused the balloon. I conveyed this to DH, who agreed with me, but didn't know what to say as the woman had already dished up the ice cream. How should we handle this next time?

Since your kid is young and was tired, and there was a delay between the behavior and the "reward," I doubt he made any connections between tantrums and ice cream. In the future, I think you're within your right to toss it when she's not looking or take it back and tell her you can't have it. You don't have to tell her why, just politely refuse. She was probably trying to make your day easier and it's nice she cared. =) As for your kiddo, well, he must have been really tired--who refuses a free balloon? 

[Hmmmmm]

If you didn't want your child to have the treat your DH could have politely said "Oh, thanks, but unfortunately, he can't have that."  Sure it implies the kid is lactose intollerent, but so what.

Otherwise, you could have just put it on the table for later, thrown it away discreetly, or eaten yourself (my choice because I would have considered it my treat for dealing with a cranky kid).

[Auntie Mame]

Your husband should have said no if you didn't want him to have the ice cream.  I don't see where the woman at the counter was in any way at fault for trying to provide you with a positive customer service experience.

This!

[TootsNYC]

I didn't want it to go to waste

Stop and think about this idea for a minute. How is it "going to waste" if you simply throw it out?

There is no obligation on the part of the universe for every calorie to be consumed.


All food ends up in the waste system anyway--either as flat-out garbage or as sewage.

OK, OK, some of it ends up in our bodies as "calories consumed." But the only time you need to worry about waste is if you will have to *pay for* new calories to replace the ones you tossed in the garbage.

Food is not in charge.

Food does not decide whehteh it was been "wasted."

Neither to OTHER people decide whether you have "wasted" food.
Only YOU can decide wether you have wasted the food, and that's because only you know whether those calories will need to be replaced.


(that said, I think this was a nice "i'm sorry/poor kid!" gesture, and that your son won't really think he was being rewarded for his tantrum. I don't know how old your kid is, but I feel so sorry for him, having just woken up. I really don't think this ice cream is going to reinforce bad behavior,and it may just make him feel a little better about the whole thing. Like somebody loves him.)

[cicero]

Your husband should have said no if you didn't want him to have the ice cream.  I don't see where the woman at the counter was in any way at fault for trying to provide you with a positive customer service experience.

This!

this, so much.

(and for what it's worth, I doubt your son will make the connection between the two.

[lowspark]

DH ... didn't know what to say as the woman had already dished up the ice cream. How should we handle this next time?

You just politely decline.
"Thank you, but he can't have ice cream."

No explanation necessary. She can draw her own conclusions. It doesn't matter that she already dished up the ice cream. That was her decision since you didn't order it. It was a generous and kind thing for her to do, yes, but it would have been better if she'd asked if it was ok before dishing it up.

[Lynn2000]

Hmm, sounds like the lady behind the counter did nothing wrong. If something like this ever happens again, the appropriate thing to do is dispose of the ice cream (into the trash, or into you or your husband). This sounds like it might also a good time to discuss with your husband that it's okay to say no, even to explain "he's not allowed treats if he throws a tantrum. Thanks, though!", or to just throw it in the trash.

POD. I think she felt bad about scaring DS with the balloon and was trying to make it up to you--provide a good customer experience, as someone else said. There's no obligation to actually use the ice cream as she intended it, or even accept it. (I probably would have accepted it at least, and then either eaten it myself or thrown it away when the lady wasn't looking.)

[Redneck Gravy]

Hmm, sounds like the lady behind the counter did nothing wrong. If something like this ever happens again, the appropriate thing to do is dispose of the ice cream (into the trash, or into you or your husband). This sounds like it might also a good time to discuss with your husband that it's okay to say no, even to explain "he's not allowed treats if he throws a tantrum. Thanks, though!", or to just throw it in the trash.

POD. I think she felt bad about scaring DS with the balloon and was trying to make it up to you--provide a good customer experience, as someone else said. There's no obligation to actually use the ice cream as she intended it, or even accept it. (I probably would have accepted it at least, and then either eaten it myself or thrown it away when the lady wasn't looking.)

This