Declining Treat

[alis]

I would not worry about any reward/tantrum connection here. A 'tantrum' at his age (my son is Alex too!), due to hunger and crankiness, is not the same as a 4 year old throwing a fit because they want candy. At that age, it is just impatience from hunger/tiredness and a delay in food will create an inevitable upset. If he didn't want the balloon but chowed down the ice cream, then I would write that off as hunger.

In the future, as said above, I would simply say "no ice cream, thank you".

[LadyR]

Thanks everyone. I didn't hold the woman responsible at all, in fact I think it was a very sweet gesture, its more of how to deal with it at the future. The treat being ice cream also bothered me as I had to give it to him before he ate his lunch so it wouldn't melt, sort of messing up his routine, but he did enjoy it! Yes, he was super cranky that day, he doesn't like waking up from naps. We did actually take the balloon and save it for him for later, when he was very appreciative.

[Lynn2000]

Thanks everyone. I didn't hold the woman responsible at all, in fact I think it was a very sweet gesture, its more of how to deal with it at the future. The treat being ice cream also bothered me as I had to give it to him before he ate his lunch so it wouldn't melt, sort of messing up his routine, but he did enjoy it! Yes, he was super cranky that day, he doesn't like waking up from naps. We did actually take the balloon and save it for him for later, when he was very appreciative.

If I may, I think what several people are saying is that you didn't have to give it to him. You could have thrown it away, you or your DH could have eaten it, you could have waited until after his lunch and then let him eat the couple of solid bites that were left. Or your DH could have politely declined it when it was first offered. If you wanted to give it to him before his lunch, that's perfectly fine of course; but if you really didn't want to, there's no rule that says you had to anyway. It wouldn't have been rude at all, to decline to use the treat as the giver intended. I think it would be easier to decline to give it to your son at a fast food place, where the employee wouldn't necessarily see you once you were at the table; I could see things being more awkward at a sit-down restaurant where the server was frequently coming around to your table.

[lovepickles]

I say "No Thanks" all the time. Kids have whatever reactions they are going to have and it is up to the guardian to model appropriate behavior by being polite on their behalf.

I have a toddler and we are careful about consuming sugar, dyes, dairy, etc. I am horrified by the number of people that offer my child something without even asking me. Lollipops, slushies, popcicles, icecream ... then of course my child flips out because someone offers it to her and I have to step in and stop it. Personally I think it is inappropriate to offer anything to a child without first asking the guardian.

[gramma dishes]

POD. I think she felt bad about scaring DS with the balloon and was trying to make it up to you--provide a good customer experience, as someone else said. There's no obligation to actually use the ice cream as she intended it, or even accept it. (I probably would have accepted it at least, and then either eaten it myself or thrown it away when the lady wasn't looking.)

This

I agree that she meant well.  I might have done the same thing if I were your server.  I'd feel that I was responsible for his meltdown by putting a bouncy balloon in his not-quite-yet-awake face and I'd be offering the ice cream as a diversion so that he could hopefully calm down and be happy and  all three of you could enjoy your meal!

I don't think your eighteen month old would make any connection between his moment of unfortunate behavior and the later arriving ice cream. 

[TootsNYC]

I say "No Thanks" all the time. Kids have whatever reactions they are going to have and it is up to the guardian to model appropriate behavior by being polite on their behalf.

I have a toddler and we are careful about consuming sugar, dyes, dairy, etc. I am horrified by the number of people that offer my child something without even asking me. Lollipops, slushies, popcicles, icecream ... then of course my child flips out because someone offers it to her and I have to step in and stop it. Personally I think it is inappropriate to offer anything to a child without first asking the guardian.

I agree. I know all these people mean well, but they are overstepping.

[DottyG]

I don't. The employee gave the ice cream to the father - not to the child. Completely different thing than what lovepickles described.

[Mental Magpie]

Thanks everyone. I didn't hold the woman responsible at all, in fact I think it was a very sweet gesture, its more of how to deal with it at the future. The treat being ice cream also bothered me as I had to give it to him before he ate his lunch so it wouldn't melt, sort of messing up his routine, but he did enjoy it! Yes, he was super cranky that day, he doesn't like waking up from naps. We did actually take the balloon and save it for him for later, when he was very appreciative.

If I may, I think what several people are saying is that you didn't have to give it to him. You could have thrown it away, you or your DH could have eaten it, you could have waited until after his lunch and then let him eat the couple of solid bites that were left. Or your DH could have politely declined it when it was first offered. If you wanted to give it to him before his lunch, that's perfectly fine of course; but if you really didn't want to, there's no rule that says you had to anyway. It wouldn't have been rude at all, to decline to use the treat as the giver intended. I think it would be easier to decline to give it to your son at a fast food place, where the employee wouldn't necessarily see you once you were at the table; I could see things being more awkward at a sit-down restaurant where the server was frequently coming around to your table.

The OP made it clear she didn't want to waste the ice cream, so she did feel like it had to be consumed by someone.  While TootsNYC has her way of looking at what "wasted" means, I know I, and I feel like the OP, have a different definition of wasted.

I would have eaten it myself just so it didn't get thrown out.



OP, next time I think your DH or you should just decline.  "Oh, thank you, but we really can't.  We appreciate the gesture, though!" with a really upbeat attitude.  The server was probably trying to make up for thinking she scared your son with the balloon. 

[LadyR]

I don't. The employee gave the ice cream to the father - not to the child. Completely different thing than what lovepickles described.

I agree, I would have been a lot more annoyed if it was offerred to DS directly. We have to be careful, because he's at the age if he sees a treat he wnats it and can have a meltdown if its denied (his Easter candy is kept out of sight except when he's allowed to have some, for that reason) and while we don't give into his meltdowns, we'd rather avoid them if possible. He saw the ice cream on the tray and so he wanted it, he would have had a bigger meltdown if his father or I had eaten it without sharing. He's 18 months old, he's still learning the concept of 'no' and while I have no problem denying him things he shouldn't have, in the case of the ice cream I didn't feel right not giving it to him once he saw it, since it was for him and it would have made him so upset if I had eaten it.

[squeakers]

I say "No Thanks" all the time. Kids have whatever reactions they are going to have and it is up to the guardian to model appropriate behavior by being polite on their behalf.

I have a toddler and we are careful about consuming sugar, dyes, dairy, etc. I am horrified by the number of people that offer my child something without even asking me. Lollipops, slushies, popcicles, icecream ... then of course my child flips out because someone offers it to her and I have to step in and stop it. Personally I think it is inappropriate to offer anything to a child without first asking the guardian.

I agree. I know all these people mean well, but they are overstepping.

I agree.. and am glad the server gave the ice cream to the husband and not the child.

I was once that server.  We had balloons, ice cream and even a mascot.  I even got to be that mascot for a while.  Seeing a kid scared or crying was upsetting not to just me.. but to any number of kids in the store.  So we acted quick to alleviate the tears in any way we could: taking away the balloons, moving away if in costume, offering free ice cream, or even a gift from the game case. But it was always through the parent and quietly vs straight to a kid.

I'm glad my kids never had problems with sugar (or anything): they got as much as they wanted when they wanted it and nowadays.. eat more veggies and fruit than we can keep in the house and are "meh" over sugary stuff because they know if they want it they can have it. I guess we are blessed in that  They know their limits and as 12 and older are.. adult? about it.  Adult? cos every now and then.. I gorge on chocolate