General Etiquette > general

Not attending close friend's wedding 1 month after giving birth

(1/23) > >>


My friend Mary got married in March and her close friend Kate didn't attend either ceremony or reception due to her giving birth to a baby boy a month before.
A few background details that may be relevant:

-Kate had a C-section but otherwise her and baby are fine (She commented to me that she was feeling great and didn't see why people made a fuss about C-sections)
-Kate's partner was also invited to the wedding and drives
-I'm fairly certain the bride (Mary) would have let her bring the baby if she wished (Mary let a couple bring their kids even though they weren't invited but that's another story...  :)
-They live in the same town as many close relatives that would babysit for them
-As I mentioned earlier Kate is a very close friend of Mary's

Some friends  found this odd and I'm not really sure what to make of it, especially as I don't have children. I guess I'm just curious as to what others think and would appreciate the perspective of anyone who has been in a similar situation.  Thanks!

I had a c-section, and aside from the recovery the one thing that kept me home for most of the first few months was the lack of sleep!  DH and I were walking zombies for a while there. 

And, though, I didn't experience it, maybe she was going through a bit of PPD? I'd be inclined to give her a pass in light of my own after birth experience. 

But did she at least get in touch with the happy couple and wish them well?

I had a long and complicated delivery that, while it didn't involve a C-section, left me in utter agony and disarray for ages. I could not have dressed up in anything more complicated than a pair of loose pants, a baggy shirt and tennis shoes.

As far as Kate is concerned, she might not be telling people exactly how she feels, perhaps prefering to keep her medical details to herself and people close to her.

There are a lot of factors that might come into play - if she is nursing and was concerned about having a place to do it, if she doesn't feel like she is back in formalwear shaoe, if she was afraid the baby would cry and disrupt the ceremony, if she was worried the baby would be exposed to germs from other guests, if she is trying to get baby on a schedule and this would disrupt it ...

It was Kate's decision whether she attended the wedding and her attendance or lack thereof is no one's business but hers and Mary's.  She may not have wanted to bring the baby.  She may not have wanted to bring home germs to the baby from the other guests.  She may have had childcare, but it fell through.  She may not have been able to find anything to wear.  The baby may have had a rough night the night before and she was too exhausted to attend.  She may be nursing and wasn't ready to leave the baby for that long.

Also, you may consider that Kate may have been putting on a brave front about how good she felt, or she may have had a setback or a bad day.  I had a friend who had a c-section who spent the first two weeks afterwards on her feet, ignoring her doctor's cautions against exhaustion or over-exertion because she was "stronger than people thought."  She went out shopping, helped her husband move some furniture around, went on a weekend trip to her grandparents with the new baby, and did any number of things that most women would have avoided post-surgery.  About three weeks in, she woke up feeling like she'd been hit by a truck.  She could barely get out of bed and ended up going back to her doctor with complications with her incision.


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version