I was baffled by posts that said . . . that a mother of the bride's time commitment is only 12 hours max.
It is for THIS M.O.B.
Some weddings are small, and everyone lives in or near the same city, and there aren't many out of town guests, so the wedding is a few-hours event, and the parents are coming in from out of town, and the bride and groom are doing all the planning, and it's a family and community in which weddings are not so family-focused as in others, and the bride and her parents don't have the best relationship. So, yeah, then, maybe, 12 hours.
I don't think we know how far away everything is, but the mother of the bride is doing SO LITTLE planning that she thinks the bride is getting married at the courthouse, when she has actually signed a contract with a venue already.
That's a huge part of my reaction, and a huge part (I'm guessing) of the reasoning of the people who say, "heck, the wedding will be MAXIMUM 12 hours."
When my children were born, my mother came for a few days before the due date to grocery shop, cook, and learn how our house runs so she could run things and take care of the other visitors and let us rest and focus on the baby. And I was so glad she was there for the births, too -- even in the room the second time. She was such a huge help. The second time, I had preeclampsia, and had to lie down for a week before the birth; I don't know how we would have managed without her, especially with a preschooler to care for. She sure couldn't have left to go help someone with a wedding.
But I bet she could have left to ATTEND a wedding.
*This particular bride* is not asking her mother to do anything--at least that we've heard so far. She picked a specific in-demand venue, completely without her mother's help (without her mother's *knowledge,* even) and she may have access to professionals there. And now that she knows her mom will be unavailable, she can hire professionals if she even needs them.
I personally don't get the idea that everyone in the family has to drop everything and sit at the hospital while they wait for someone ELSE to give birth. I just don't get it. You can wait at home as easily as you can wait there; even if medical complications arose, you wouldn't be allowed in the room anyway--might as well wait at home. And the dad can call you very nearly as soon as you'd hear if you were waiting in the hallway.
And you may not get to meet the new grandchild for several hours anyway! Are there hospitals where they take the kid out to hand him around 20 minutes after the birth?
Help after the delivery, yes, sure! But even then, the helper surely doesn't need to be there 24/7. And parents who were helping one child could surely be substituted for by someone else (oh, say, the dad's parents? as someone upstream suggested--or heck, a paid nurse's aide!).
UNLESS there is a lot of travel involved, this is just not a clash.
OP, I wish we knew how far away the baby's hospital/home will be from the wedding, and how far those are from the grandparents/m.o.b.'s home.