Author Topic: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"  (Read 6971 times)

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blueberry.muffin

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #60 on: April 16, 2013, 08:30:13 PM »
I agree, where is this hostility coming from?  And why are people misrepresenting my original post?  Is it a reading comprehension issue or just simply an error due to quickly skimming the post? 

No, I think we're smart enough to figure out how to read a post.  We simply disagree with you that there's a problem in posting smaller issues to I Need A Hug, that's all.

But that's not accurate. I'm not trying to bicker with you, merely point out two things...

1) "We" doesn't represent all of us on this thread. There are those, myself included, that do feel the "small hugs" thread should be utilized more. Like the OP I have also grown to have a greater appreciation of that thread.

2) Multiple posters have explained the problems they have with "skipping over" a post. The OP included that in the OP and is subsequently confused why people are suggesting the very thing she noted that she didn't like to do.

As Cass and others have pointed out there seems to be a surprising amount of hostility. I'm wondering if the hostility is coming out of a self-defensive mechanism, so I'd like to clarify something - I have no intention of preventing anyone from asking for hugs. Ever. At all. Please if you want hugs, ask. No one is saying there is something WRONG with asking for hugs. Those of us asking for more utilization of the "small hugs" folder are asking _just that_. It isn't a "lesser" folder, and you still get hugs. Why does there seem to be such anger about that request? Do you somehow get "better" hugs if you have your own thread?



*Edited to remove a possibly inflammatory sentence.

Surianne

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #61 on: April 16, 2013, 11:34:26 PM »
I agree, where is this hostility coming from?  And why are people misrepresenting my original post?  Is it a reading comprehension issue or just simply an error due to quickly skimming the post? 

No, I think we're smart enough to figure out how to read a post.  We simply disagree with you that there's a problem in posting smaller issues to I Need A Hug, that's all.

But that's not accurate. I'm not trying to bicker with you, merely point out two things...

1) "We" doesn't represent all of us on this thread. There are those, myself included, that do feel the "small hugs" thread should be utilized more. Like the OP I have also grown to have a greater appreciation of that thread.

2) Multiple posters have explained the problems they have with "skipping over" a post. The OP included that in the OP and is subsequently confused why people are suggesting the very thing she noted that she didn't like to do.

As Cass and others have pointed out there seems to be a surprising amount of hostility. I'm wondering if the hostility is coming out of a self-defensive mechanism, so I'd like to clarify something - I have no intention of preventing anyone from asking for hugs. Ever. At all. Please if you want hugs, ask. No one is saying there is something WRONG with asking for hugs. Those of us asking for more utilization of the "small hugs" folder are asking _just that_. It isn't a "lesser" folder, and you still get hugs. Why does there seem to be such anger about that request? Do you somehow get "better" hugs if you have your own thread?
*Edited to remove a possibly inflammatory sentence.

Huh, I didn't see any hostility in my posts.  But to answer your last question, I've actually never posted a thread in hugs.  I just like having the opportunity to give support to posters who may be losing pets or dealing with similar issues that I feel solidarity towards. 

If it's posted in its own thread, I can scan the title and see the reason someone is asking for hugs.  Divorce or husband cheating?  I have no experience with that; it's not something I'm comfortable addressing.  Pet or grandparent death?  Job loss?   Those are more up my alley.  Because they have their own thread with their own title, I can jump right in. 

I also feel like posting in something called "small hugs" really diminishes the issue.  When my first dog died (long before ehell existed), I was not looking for "small" hugs.  It wasn't a small issue to me.  It was huge, and I was devastated.  Posting in a thread labelled "small" would have felt like a betrayal of my own emotions.  While it may be just an animal to other posters, and thus less worthy, she was a huge part of my life.

I'm also confused, I guess, as to the purpose of this thread.  What is the goal?  If it's not to shame posters out creating new threads in the Hugs folder, what is it?   How is this thread going to accomplish anything other than making the "lesser" hugs posters feel badly about their posts? 

It really feels like kicking people while they're down, to me. 
« Last Edit: April 16, 2013, 11:39:51 PM by Surianne »

MariaE

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #62 on: April 17, 2013, 01:50:37 AM »
Animal death isn't something I'd expect to see in the "Small hugs" thread, and I don't think anybody claimed that it should be. Small hugs is (parden the pun) smaller than that (because I agree that to some animal death is huge). It's more along the lines of "my car wouldn't start this morning so my plans were messed up", "I dropped my Kindle/tablet/phone and the screen cracked", "my toilet's broken", "I got a bad haircut" etc.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2013, 02:18:45 PM by MariaE »
 
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fountainsoflettuce

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #63 on: April 17, 2013, 10:05:19 AM »
The purpose of my original post was to determine what were the existing rules, if any, for posting INAH and to spur a discussion. My post then set forth several questions in an attempt to flesh out 1. if there were any rules  and 2. to see how other posters viewed INAH.  My biggest confusion about INAH is why are posters asking for hugs when they have no connection to the event? (See first paragraph of post).  The "small hugs" was one of the last questions posted and for me, a minor issue when compared to the prior questions posted.  Now that other posters have explained, I see their viewpoints.  At no time was I ever kicking, or intended to kick, someone when they were already down, in my original post.    Had I wanted to do so, I would have posted in the relevant thread and made no bones about what I was doing. 

And I don't think losing a pet is a "small hug."    But I do question whether a hangnail is really appropriate for INAH.  Yes, it is painful and annoying but doesn't that take away from the "major hug" events?  But again, this is more of a minor issue with me.  My primary concern is why are people asking for hugs when they have no connection to the event?  Now I understand, from other posters, that they can be affected despite the lack of a connection.


 

Bexx27

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #64 on: April 17, 2013, 10:31:13 AM »
I see the Small Hugs thread as appropriate for relatively minor setbacks that happen to everyone in the course of everyday life. Like the examples MarieE gave -- something that's bringing you down and that you'd like some support/sympathy for, but that's not devastating. The death of a pet is often devastating and not at all "small." And really, if you (general) want your own "Hugs" thread for stubbing your toe, no one's stopping you. The only potential consequences are that some posters will think you're being overly dramatic and ignore your thread, and some posters might be less comfortable posting about something catastrophic.

Personally, I haven't particularly noticed or been bothered by "trivial" hugs threads. The ones that seem odd to me are threads about events to which the OP has no personal connection, which seem better placed in Entertainment and News. It makes no sense to me to ask people on an internet forum to give you hugs for something that happened to people you don't know.

As others have said, I think much of the difference of opinion comes from differing ideas about what virtual hugs accomplish. In my mind, supportive and/or sympathetic posts are helpful only for the person reading them. I don't believe that "hugging" a poster will in any sense benefit her sister's boyfriend's cousin's former room mate who was in a car accident. And why would the poster herself need hugs for her grief over someone she didn't know? It seems to me the poster's energy would be better spent giving support to those affected than soliciting support from strangers. But I guess if one believes that prayers or good thoughts from strangers can actually affect someone who isn't aware of them, these requests make more sense.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

DottyG

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #65 on: April 17, 2013, 12:57:57 PM »
Quote
If it's posted in its own thread, I can scan the title and see the reason someone is asking for hugs.  Divorce or husband cheating?  I have no experience with that; it's not something I'm comfortable addressing.  Pet or grandparent death?  Job loss?   Those are more up my alley.  Because they have their own thread with their own title, I can jump right in. 

I also feel like posting in something called "small hugs" really diminishes the issue.  When my first dog died (long before ehell existed), I was not looking for "small" hugs.  It wasn't a small issue to me.  It was huge, and I was devastated.  Posting in a thread labelled "small" would have felt like a betrayal of my own emotions.  While it may be just an animal to other posters, and thus less worthy, she was a huge part of my life.

Surianne said this perfectly.  I agree with this.


Frostblooded

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Re: Parameters of "I Need a Hug"
« Reply #66 on: April 17, 2013, 02:28:53 PM »
There is an old saying: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I don't really see that there is a problem going on in the hugs forum. If you believe there is, use the report to moderator function. Let them decide since they enforce the rules and the spirit of the rules. That way, people who don't think something is a huge issue can use the small hugs thread and people who do find something a big issue can make a thread of their own.

Don't think it's worth a thread? Not your (general) problem. Don't respond to it. Others can step in and offer support. I think it's just a matter of showing kindness by living and letting be. I find it better to be kind more often than not.