I'm having a problem and it may be too late to sort out but I'm still uneasy about where things went wrong, and why. Not looking to 'point the finger' but this mess could get worse before this is over..any advice or insight is appreciated.
I have a group of child hood best girlfriends. All of us very close, each others MOH's, etc. One of us, let's call her A, is PG with her first.
The rest of the group got very excited about throwing her a baby shower. There had been some drama between us and her sister when A got married and as a result none of us were part of her bridal party (we weren't asked - but dutifully attended, and I even made a speech), so we were all very excited to throw her a baby shower.
The shower is this month. For the past five months, we've been asking for a guest list and a date. That's all A was asked to provide, but between life being busy and being PG she didn't really get around to it.
She did however, get around to letting us know she was having trouble 'giving up control' of the baby shower and insisted on several occasions that we include her sister as much as possible. I sent her sister a few texts asking her for input, keeping her in the loop, and never heard back from her.
I had a phone call with A that was awkward to say the least. Un benoun to A, I had purchased invitations and was waiting for the addresses to send them out. Well, A informed me she had personalized baby bump photos she'd like us to have made and sent out for the invites. As well she'd like the guests to be informed instead of cards, to bring a book with an inscription for the baby (in addition to the gift). She also said she'd made some posts on 'pin terest' with pictures of what she envisions as her decorations. I said okay what does that look like and she snapped at me that she was busy eating ice cream and couldn't tell me everything on the spot. When I said look A...we're doing this shower for you. Why not just let us throw you a nice shower and you just show up and enjoy? She was quiet and then said 'yea...no. I have a vision.' The call pretty much sucked.
Finally, friend B got a call from A's sister. A's sister informed B that she 'heard' we had told A that family shouldn't throw a baby shower and thus she was very sad, didn't really want to participate as she wasn't wanted, and that we had sucked all the fun out of her doing this for here sister.
After what happened at A's wedding, B basically freaked out and didn't want more problems with A's family. So she told A's sister basically, okay then. You go ahead and host, and we'll bring food day off (shower is also happening at B's home in the amenity room in the building complex - so nothing much to clean or anything in advance). The sister seemed happy with this change of plans but said 'oh we can all do it together.'
At this point, B was just angry. Three of us had spent months making plans, had no communication from the sister, and had everything ready. Then A started in with not 'wanting to give up control' and her 'vision' for the baby shower. THEN her sister started in with drama about 'not being wanted'. B has three kids under the age of six and is...busy! So she basically threw her hands in the air and told the sister 'fine. You guys go ahead.'
As it turns out I had to travel for work and would be unable to attend. But I did tell her as soon as I found out, and she was very understanding. Until, three weeks out to the baby shower date, A calls me clearly upsest, if slightly hostile.
She wants to know why all of this is suddenly on her sister, why I'm not helping more, and why the other girls are basically now just 'bringing food.' I explained about what happened between her sister and B, but she didn't seem to accept that and lamented that her sister was 'really busy' and didn't have time for this and besides, her sister was throwing her a shower AFTER the baby was born. So I said look, just do the shower after then, we'll forget about this one. But she said she wanted this one to be the BIG shower, and the one after to just be family and a few close friends. She then called B and blamed her sister for being 'emotional' and causing problems. But she was the one who wound her sister up by telling her she wasn't wanted!
I HAD said yea, family shouldn't throw baby showers, which I believe, but we've known each other going on 20 years, and most of the time she tells me she'll do what she wants, so not sure why THIS time it turned into a big issue.
So at this point, I won't be there, our other friends just plan on bringing food, A and her sister sent out 'E-vites' because they never got addresses together for the invites. And its unclear how many people will actually show up. A's sister and B spoke one time and the 'vision' now seems to have turned into 'minimalist' decorations......
Part of me feels bad for A that her big baby shower has turned into a 'minimalist' party. Part of me thinks she got what she asked for...