Author Topic: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos  (Read 1452 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4242
S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« on: April 05, 2013, 05:19:27 PM »
Other threads about tattoos made me think of this question.

What would you do if you really wanted a tattoo and your spouse had a strong objection? To tattoos altogether, or to your chosen design/placement/artist? What would you do if you had a strenuous opinion to a tattoo your spouse was considering getting?

I personally got lucky in this area. My husband will give me his honest opinion either way and support me in whatever decision I make. He really likes my first two tattoos, but doesn't care for the 3rd one that I'm considering. However, he is genuinely fine with me getting whatever I want. It's nice to know what his opinion is, without being pressured to change my mind based on his preferences. I am the same way with his tattoos.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

SiotehCat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3695
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 05:29:11 PM »
If my DH seriously objected to a tattoo that I wanted to get, I wouldn't get it. I would try to change his mind, but without his approval, I wouldn't do it. I had a tattoo when we met and he knew that I wanted more in the future.

The one thing that he really objects to is me getting more facial piercings. The ones that I have now were there before he was, but I cannot get any new ones.

violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3522
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2013, 05:39:46 PM »
If it was something truly objectionable to my hypothetical fiance or husband, then I would reconsider it. My second - favorite tattoo idea involves a symbol that inspires a lot of fear or hatred for many people (a pentagram, but put right - side up), including my mom, so I've hesitated on whether I should ever get that. If and when I marry, if my husband objected to that design, it would put my decision firmly over the cliff of "No."

Ultimately, I believe that whatever I put into or onto my body is my choice, but that doesn't mean I won't listen to people I care about when they tell me they're uncomfortable with or object to what I'm doing.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Lynn2000

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4775
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2013, 05:42:37 PM »
If my hypothetical future DH really wanted a tattoo, I would want to be supportive, but some things would be too extreme for me, especially because they're basically permanent (unlike trying a "weird" hair style). I wouldn't want to be like, "I'm giving you an ultimatum!!!" though. I hope he would respect my concerns and agree of his own free will not to get something that really bothered me. If he did it anyway, it wouldn't be about the tattoo anymore, it would be about how we treat each other.
~Lynn2000

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5022
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2013, 06:20:44 PM »
Other threads about tattoos made me think of this question.

What would you do if you really wanted a tattoo and your spouse had a strong objection? To tattoos altogether, or to your chosen design/placement/artist? What would you do if you had a strenuous opinion to a tattoo your spouse was considering getting?

I personally got lucky in this area. My husband will give me his honest opinion either way and support me in whatever decision I make. He really likes my first two tattoos, but doesn't care for the 3rd one that I'm considering. However, he is genuinely fine with me getting whatever I want. It's nice to know what his opinion is, without being pressured to change my mind based on his preferences. I am the same way with his tattoos.

This is where the Eagle and I stand on pretty much everything, including clothes, hair, furniture, et cetera.  We try to come to a compromise first, always, but in the end, we like what we like.  Now, if it was something he abhorred I know I would rethink it; I wouldn't want him to look at me with revulsion.  A general dislike, though?  If I liked it enough, I'd still get it.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10805
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2013, 06:24:25 PM »
My DH didn't like tattoos at all when we were first married and even said at first he'd be rather mad if I did get one.  However he's changed his mind since then I've gotten one and he's decided he wants one as well. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21352
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2013, 07:32:06 PM »
I am not a personal fan of tattoos, although I have see them on so many people I am somewhat desentitized.  I probably wouldn't marry somebody who had a vastly different view on bodily modifications than I did so if one of us reversed on that I think it would be reasonable.

Tea Drinker

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1305
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2013, 08:53:24 PM »
If my partner said "please don't get that specific tattoo design/subject," I would ask why not, but I would almost certainly accept that request, even if they couldn't say more than "I just don't like that design," rather than "I associate that image with my obnoxious ex-husband" or "I guess you didn't know that thus-and-such has political overtones where I grew up."
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Julian

  • I lost it between Thriller and Gangnam Style...
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 748
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2013, 09:05:30 PM »
I don't really have a dog in this fight, as I'm single.

However, I'm in the process of getting a very large tattoo.  The outline is done, and I had another 5 hour session last night for the first of the colouring.  During the first session the tattoo artist asked what my 'husband' thought of me getting such a big piece done.  It sort of surprised me a bit, but at least I could assure him it wasn't an issue.

Back in the day when I did have a partner, we discussed and got each other's opinions on tattoos.  Neither one of us would have gotten something the other objected to, but both of us were of the opinion that 'your body, your choice'.  We had fairly similar tastes, though, so it wasn't really a big problem.  Similar enough that at one stage she ended up getting the tattoo I wanted, lol! 

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6443
    • Blog
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2013, 02:27:29 AM »
I am not a personal fan of tattoos, although I have see them on so many people I am somewhat desentitized.  I probably wouldn't marry somebody who had a vastly different view on bodily modifications than I did so if one of us reversed on that I think it would be reasonable.

I agree. If my DF suddenly wanted to get heaps of large tattoos all over his body, I honestly think it would be a dealbreaker for me.

If he was considering just the one, I'd try my best to understand his reasons for doing so. But ultimately, I think I'd encourage him to drop the idea.

magician5

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3449
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2013, 02:38:56 AM »
This appears to be a hypothetical question.

A person ought to ask whether this particular image is a big emotional issue, or could they live with a different image or "call it a day" and be happy with the ink they already have?

I find it hard to picture that a person would go ahead and get a permanent tattoo that their SO abhors. There is no claim that the SO is a prude, or controlling, or an oppressor, but for certain he/she is the person you love, and the person you'll be sleeping with, for the foreseeable future ... do you really want to be "in your face" about it and carry around an image they'll hate every time they see it? There's a rel*tionship price for that.

Can you find some other way of self-fulfillment? Isn't enough to avoid offending your SO "just because I love you" ... unless he wants to control many other things about your life.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

Allyson

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1897
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2013, 02:18:42 PM »
It would depend, I think. If it was something really prominent and extreme, something that was always visible, I'd want my boyfriend to love it as much as I did. But if it was a tiny little ankle tattoo of something of personal significance to me, I'd likely do it regardless. Same with him, if he wanted to get something small I wasn't a fan of, I'd tell him my honest opinion but say 'go for it'. But if it was something I felt would hugely alter his appearance, we would have more to discuss.

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5952
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2013, 02:45:39 PM »
I think it would partly depend on how the opinion was phrased, for me.  I want a tattoo, and I know exactly what I want (a paw print with four hearts where the toenails would be, to symbolize four of the dogs that I've had).  My DH does not like tattoos at all, and has asked me, for the time being, to refrain from getting one.  He didn't forbid me to get one, or state that he would always hate tattoos.  He asked me, as a favor, to not get one right now.  I agreed.  To me, it made a difference in how I took his opinion and request.  If he was always asking me to do things or not do things, then I might have taken this one less seriously.  However, he says something like this so rarely, that when he does, it has a much greater impact than it might otherwise. 

violetminnow

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 84
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2013, 03:31:21 PM »
I would say I'm 99% against tattoos, though not at all against the people who have/want them. I think most of them don't look good, though I admit I've seen a 2-3 that made me jealous that wasn't on me. Weird I know.

My fiance feels the same way, but we both agree that tattoos in a partner isn't a dealbreaker. I don't think either of us would ever get one, but if he did it would be fine. As long as he never expected me to give him a bunch of praise for it, beyond politely saying I understood the event that it honored or the art that it was, I would be ok with it.

I think it's similar to asking your SO what they'd think of a new dramatic haircut or new wardrobe change. If it's a big change I think your SO has the right to voice and opinion and be taken seriously. If they hate it you are making a choice to make yourself look less attractive in their eyes. It may end up being the right choice for you anyway and be something they have to accept, but you owe it to the other person to take their opinion under advisement.

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5022
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: S/O Tattoo Threads--Spouse Opinions of Tattoos
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2013, 05:03:07 PM »
This appears to be a hypothetical question.

A person ought to ask whether this particular image is a big emotional issue, or could they live with a different image or "call it a day" and be happy with the ink they already have?

I find it hard to picture that a person would go ahead and get a permanent tattoo that their SO abhors. There is no claim that the SO is a prude, or controlling, or an oppressor, but for certain he/she is the person you love, and the person you'll be sleeping with, for the foreseeable future ... do you really want to be "in your face" about it and carry around an image they'll hate every time they see it? There's a rel*tionship price for that.

Can you find some other way of self-fulfillment? Isn't enough to avoid offending your SO "just because I love you" ... unless he wants to control many other things about your life.

Doesn't this go both ways, though?  Should your SO try to avoid offending you "just because he/she loves you"?
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.