Self thrown birthday parties of sort...

[mstigerlily]

In my circle it's not unusual- but we also don't buy gifts or even the bday person's dinner and drinks!

The usual invite is something like "hey, it's my birthday and I don't feel like sitting home alone tonight, want to go out to dinner?".

[Surianne]

I agree, whether it's called a party or not, this kind of birthday dinner/drinks isn't a hosted event, and there's nothing that implies (to me) that the birthday person is trying to represent it as a hosted event.  S/he's organizing a group of friends to go out.  The information is all given up front so anyone who prefers a hosted event can simply decline.  Nothing rude here.

I don't find it rude unless the birthday person expects gifts.

Yes, I'm not used to seeing gifts at these types of gatherings, so I agree with you there -- I'd think that was pretty odd.  To me the gift to the birthday person, in a way, *is* the showing up and paying for your own meal 

[NyaChan]

I agree, whether it's called a party or not, this kind of birthday dinner/drinks isn't a hosted event, and there's nothing that implies (to me) that the birthday person is trying to represent it as a hosted event.  S/he's organizing a group of friends to go out.  The information is all given up front so anyone who prefers a hosted event can simply decline.  Nothing rude here.

I don't find it rude unless the birthday person expects gifts.

Yes, I'm not used to seeing gifts at these types of gatherings, so I agree with you there -- I'd think that was pretty odd.  To me the gift to the birthday person, in a way, *is* the showing up and paying for your own meal 

Yes, it took me aback one time when a close friend of the birthday person included in their email their desire to give the birthday girl a group gift that cost about $200 total - a golden pig.  I calculated and along with my bill, my portion of the birthday girl's bill, and the gift, my total would have been $100ish - we are all students, many of whom are living off of student loans.  But of course, everyone fell in line and said yes because it feels uncomfortable to say no, I don't want to buy her a gift even though she's turning 30.  Luckily the pig was unavailable and the gift idea fell through before I had to be the party pooper and say no thank you

[sammycat]

we also don't buy gifts or even the bday person's dinner and drinks!

My experience also. I can't think of a single time anyone in my group of family or friends has ever 'chipped in' for the birthday person's meal.  Everyone just pays their own way.

[Winterlight]

It's normal in one of my circles and not so much in others. Either way, it's upfront and clear, so you know what you're getting into.

[JeseC]

we also don't buy gifts or even the bday person's dinner and drinks!

My experience also. I can't think of a single time anyone in my group of family or friends has ever 'chipped in' for the birthday person's meal.  Everyone just pays their own way.

I've seen people chip in to buy the person a drink, but that's about it.  Typically that's a single drink, not the night's worth.