There were a few comments on the subject thread that echoed my feelings on choosing a date/location for a wedding, namely that the B & G are free to choose a time and place that is important to them but the guests can infer from those choices just how important their attendance is to the HC.
My situation. A first cousin once removed announced his engagement last spring. He told us at that time that they were going to try to schedule the wedding in August of this year. This is a person of whom we are very fond and who has visited us often.
The areas of concern:
The wedding will be on the opposite coast from a large percentage of his relatives, including us, and will entail at least a full day's travel. They scheduled the wedding for a Thursday this September. This makes attending difficult for several groups of people. His aunt and SIL both teach in universities and my SIL teaches middle school, and the date is the second week of school, midway between the two Jewish holidays, which makes it difficult to find people to cover your classes. Additionally, at least two of his first cousins are in grad school, in research programs which frown on absences. His nieces and nephews are also in school.
The wedding will be at a state park on an island. There are cabins available, but I've been told that all seven of the cabins with bathrooms were booked before the save-the-date cards were sent out; the rest have "nearby" facilities. I've learned that there are some B&Bs on the island, but no one has given any information about which ones are close by or desirable.
The STD cards! Ours was addressed to Moma and Pappa (wrong spelling of my name, no last name), at the wrong street number. These people are not kids; he's almost 40. If I hadn't bee outside when the mailman came so he could check with me, we probably wouldn't have gotten it.
When DD was married, we booked a block of rooms at a nearby hotel and provided a bus to and from the reception. We hired a baby-sitter (a friend of DD who worked in child care) for anyone who wanted one, provided lunch before the wedding as well as a brunch the morning after and a hospitality suite with refreshments as a place to gather and socialize if anyone wanted to do so. We did all this and more because we were so happy that these people had made the effort to attend the wedding and sharing this day with them was important to us.
The message I'm getting is that having their wedding at a special place was more important to the B&G than having us attend. It will cost us quite a good bit of money to fly across the country, rent a car, etc., and I wonder if the message they're sending is that they really don't care if we're there or not.
Am I misreading this?