Author Topic: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)  (Read 3670 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #15 on: April 09, 2013, 03:47:55 PM »
You don't have to make a big soap opera out of it but a casual "Hey Kara, thanks for thinking of me and inviting Connie but just so you know I don't really consider her a friend anymore so don't feel like you have to do it again." And then go to the party and proceed as planned.

I really like this wording.
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LazyDaisy

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2013, 03:49:28 PM »
"When she got her assignment she emailed me 3 times that she would be in my city for a few months, we should hang out, would love to see me, etc. I did not respond to her emails."

I would leave Kara out of it and give one response to Connie's emails to prevent an issue during the party -- "I'm afraid that won't be possible." This way she won't confront you about why you haven't responded and she hopefully won't continue to ask about getting together with Kara. If Kara asks, you and Connie just aren't close anymore, you've grown apart. It's the truth without the drama. If you aren't close with these girls anymore, why are you still connected either via email or FB? Time to really cut that cord and either get a new email and give it to your current friends or set up filters to block them.
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lowspark

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2013, 04:04:59 PM »
If it were me, I wouldn't say anything to Kara (yet) and go to the party as you planned and just be cool but polite with Connie, not engaging her unless you absolutely have to.

After that, if Kara wants to hang out with Connie, then she  can.  If they invite you along, decline.  Continue to make plans with Kara sans Connie and if Kara asks if she can invite Connie say that you'd prefer she didn't.

If, and only if, Kara asks you why you aren't friendly with Connie, would I say something.  And even then you can say "we were friends in college, but had a falling out and I prefer not to reopen and revisit that time."

And you never know...Connie may have matured in the last 2.5 years and is no longer the same person.  That doesn't mean you have to give her chance.  You don't.  But I do think you should see how things go at and after the party before saying anything to Kara about your past with Connie.

I agree with this except one thing. I wouldn't say we had a falling out as that (to me) implies that there was some kind of disagreement or confrontation. In other words, something that Connie would actually know about. You don't want Kara asking Connie for her side of the story as that's where things could get sticky I think.

Instead I would just say (as others suggested) something to the affect that you grew apart and that you don't have an interest in rekindling the friendship. Unless Kara really really pushes you for an answer or relates some kind of similar story to you regarding Connie, I would keep the history to myself. I say that because I think jmarvelous's experience is not at all out of the ordinary. This is exactly the kind of thing that happens, even if you're in the right and Connie is in the wrong, especially if Connie is given the opportunity to give her side of the story. So don't give her that chance. Keep mum.

VorFemme

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2013, 04:48:04 PM »
Been there, done that, with an old vampire VorGuy knew in high school.  VorGuy's brother didn't get the memo and gave him our contact information three years later.....after VorGuy lit into his brother, we haven't heard from the vampire since.

Explain, nicely, to Kara, that you and Connie just don't have much in common any more and that you really don't want to spend much time with her, as it isn't going to rekindle the former close friendship. 

Then, if you feel that you have to go to the event, talk to anyone and everyone else but Connie.  You can run to the lady's room, get another drink, look for a waiter to get rid of the empties at the table, ask for an appetizer, or see someone that you need to have a word with.  Never be RUDE to Connie, but don't spend more than a few seconds around her, either.
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BarensMom

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2013, 05:00:12 PM »
I agree with those who say to not tell Kara about your history with Connie.  I'd just politely decline any invites involving Connie after Kara's party.  If Kara asks, just say, "we weren't really that close/don't have much in common."  Or you could say, "we weren't as close as Connie thinks we were."

Calistoga

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Re: Seeing someone you cut out of your life (LONG)
« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2013, 05:46:01 PM »
I think the best thing to do is cross that bridge if, and when, you come to it.

It may turn out that Kara finds Connie to be a tremendous boor at her party and doesn't want to deal with her.

Connie may stir the dirt at the party no matter how polite you are and Kara will realize she's a snake.

Kara may never make plans with her again.


Now. If Kara does invite you to go hang out with her and Connie, decline the invite in a polite fashion. It's up to you whether you want to tell her about your past with Connie, or just tell her you two have a history, or just say you're not feeling up to it. I don't think it's necessary to spill all that dirty laundry out right away.