General Etiquette > Family and Children

Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52

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hjaye:
A bit of background.

My wife and I bought the house we are now living a little over a year a half a go.  We love the house, it has everything we were looking for, large enough to have family or friends stay over, a beautiful backyard, large pool, it is our dream house.

We have one pet, a Calico cat who is queen of the house.  She is thirteen years old and although she can be a little demanding at times, she is perfect for us.  both my wife and I have owned dogs in the past, and we have no problems with dogs, so long as they are not ours.  We know the time and energy it takes to own a dog, and we are not at all interested in putting forth that effort.  however, it has also come to the point, where we do not want dogs at our house.

This is for a few reasons. 

First off, My wife's daughter stayed with us for close to nine months, she and her daughter both had a dog.  I liked the dogs when they were at her house, I learned to really dislike them when they were at ours.  The running around, barking, not being housebroken, and breaking things quickly had me not liking dogs, especially at my house.

then last Christmas, my wife's grandson shows up at our house (we knew he was coming) with his little rat terrier, but don't worry..... "He's housebroken"  NOT!!!!

Plus, our cat does not like having other pets around the house, especially dogs.  When the two dogs were in the house, she would end up taking refuge in the laundry room while the dogs were in the living room.

So we have finally got our house back, the dogs are gone, the carpets have been cleaned and we are very glad to be dog free.

So now I have to develop a polite spine.  My wife's son lives about three hours from us.  He has a dog that actually used to belong to my wife's granddaughter(the one that was living us for a while) She had to get rid of the dog because she (the dog) was too rambunctious and liked to chew on things, including the siding of the house.  We have been to his house, and although it looks like the dog no longer chews on things, she still likes to run around, and will sit outside and bark incessantly if she feels she is being ignored.

My wife's son is planning on coming to visit in a few weeks, and he asked my wife if we would mind if he brought the dog.  She said she would have to check with me, and my reaction was not no but H*ll NO! She told him I was less than thrilled with the idea.  she really should have left it at that, but she told him I had been fed up with dog crap all in my back yard, with barking dogs that can't be left alone, and with the damage a dog can do to the house.

he told her not to worry, he would make sure all messes the dog makes will get picked up, he will not bring the dog in the house, and if she does break anything he will not leave us hanging but will make sure to pay for any repairs, or help to repair it himself.  In other words, he had decided he is going to bring the dog anyway.

I told my wife I think this is extremely rude, after being told I did not want the dog at the house to go ahead and bring her anyway.  I don't want to create a scene, I know my wife wants to see her son, and his daughter, I'm not going to turn him away at the door, and I've had a pretty good relationship with him and I don't want to destroy that.

I'm not sure if there is anything I can say at this point expect maybe some PA remarks when he gets here.  I'm not sure how I want the dog to act.  if she does bark incessantly, or break one of my sprinkler heads (something one of the other dogs did) it will be easy for me to tell him don't ever bring the dog back (by the way, he's only bringing her because he does not want to spend the money to kennel her for the weekend.) If she behaves, he'll be able to say "see that wasn't so bad" except that even if she behaves, I don't want dogs at my house!!!!!

I know my wife doesn't want the dog here either, but at this point, if I'm going to keep the dog out of our house and backyard, I'm going to have to be the bad guy.

siamesecat2965:
I think first of all you and your wife need to get on the same page. and then she needs to call her son, say you both have discussed things, and have decicded that its not possible for him to bring the dog, end of discussion. Its your house, and you can certainly go back on your agreement that the dog can come. You can say, if asked, that its stresses your cat out too much, and its her house, and therefore the dog can't come.

You don't have to give any reasons, other than its your house, and you've decided that the dog isn't welcome. Don't JADE; just be polite and firm.

And his not wanting to kennel it, and pay for it? Well, that's part of being a pet owner, taking care of and the expenses of a vet, kennel, dog sitter etc.

Black Delphinium:
"Son, I know you mean well, but we don't want dogs on the property. Please respect that."

Luci:
Will he be amenable to chaining the dog outside and letting the dog sleep in the car? Less area to clean up, dog outside, may bark, owners may have an objection to chaining. Offer to pay for the kennel? (I would, and have.)

I will not allow smoking in my home, and no dogs except my children's dogs, at all, and the children's dogs only in the porch and garage.

We don't make excuses - they all know. If you make excuses, they can argue.

Bests wishes and hope for a good outcome from whatever you decide.

(Agree with siamesecat2965)

bah12:
I wouldn't make PA remarks once the dog is actually there.  Now is the time to put this to rest.  Not then and not in a PA manner.

I agree that you and your wife need to get on the same page.  A simple "no, that's no possible" is all she should have said.  Giving reasons just encourages her son to say he'll mitigate for those reasons.  But now that it's done, she should clarify with her son that both of you agree that the dog cannot be accommodated in any way. 

I feel your pain.  We actually have a dog, but I still don't appreciate others' dogs in my house/yard.  I know how to handle my dog and I know what to expect from my dog.  Other dogs may be otherwise well trained and calm, but when put in a new environment get over excited (and get my dog over excited) and things tend to break, accidents happen in the house, etc.  I can also understand your wife wanting to accommodate her son for the visit...having that urge to just put up with it so that things won't be tense for him (her son).  But, this is why you two need to decide together what is best.  Whether that be to allow her son this one time to prove that the dog really will be no trouble or that the "no dogs in the house/yard" rule is firm, you two need to be together on it. 

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