Author Topic: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52  (Read 11665 times)

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m2kbug

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #45 on: April 14, 2013, 10:22:32 AM »
I'll throw yet another possibility into the mix. It could be that the stepson does not want to visit, and so he's using the dog hoping that OP or the wife will say "no dog" and the stepson will have an excuse not to come, and won't have to be the one saying "I don't want to come."

I bring this up only because this seems to be what my ILs did. It's like a game of "telephone." According to my DH, who spoke to FIL, Step-MIL refused to come visit because she said I was unwelcoming because I didn't want their dog in our house. Allegedly, they don't feel welcome or wanted.

This is something my mother does, and I can see the dog being an excuse. 

Your wife also doesn't doesn't want the dog in the home.  This is her son and she really needs to be the one to say no, but if you're the one that's going to have tell him no, your wife needs to fully back you up and be in agreement here.  No pretending and putting the blame on your shoulders and making you the bad guy.  If the answer is no, the answer is no.  Maybe that means he can't come or he won't be able to stay as long if he can't make arrangements for this animal.  This is just something that has to be expected.

I'm thinking of another option here, which is keeping the dog in a crate.  I have one and bring it with me if I need to.  It's not ideal to keep them locked up in a cage, but for a day or so, they're no worse for wear for it.  I just let her out to do her thing and make sure she gets some exercise and then put her back in.  While she's out, she's fully monitored.  These crates are really expensive, but a really great investment.  It's been super useful for me over the years, especially with situations where I might need to bring the dog to someone's home.  If the dog stayed in a crate, would you be more amenable to allowing the dog in your home?  Maybe your stepson could look into crate training the dog. 


Calypso

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #46 on: April 15, 2013, 12:08:06 AM »
If he doesn't want to pay for a kennel, home-visit dog sitters (that visit twice a day for walks/feeding) are super-cheap. His veterinarian probably has a list of people they might suggest (or, as mine does, board where people can post their services).

TootsNYC

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #47 on: April 15, 2013, 12:52:47 AM »
My personal opinion is that people should do a certain amount of "due diligence" before they get a pet. Part of that is that they should determine what they can do to provide pet sitting--a friend who will take the dog for the weekend; a neighbor who's willing to stop by, walk the dog, etc.; a kennel they trust; yadda yadda.

hjaye

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #48 on: April 15, 2013, 08:41:46 AM »
Bit of an anticlimactic update:

My wife got a text message from her son yesterday.  the gist of it is, no need to worry about the dog, we gave it away.  we still plan on having a talk with him to let him know that if by chance they get another dog in the future, that one won't be welcome here either.  We will make sure he realizes, that it's nothing personal, we don't care whose dog it is, we don't want it at our house.

We were out of town this weekend for a family wedding, and my wife's youngest daughter went with us.  She and her husband have two dogs, (along with two very sweet grandchildren).  The subject of my wife's son visiting and bringing his dog came up.  She kind of jokingly said well I'll make sure to leave our dogs at home when we come over.  They live fairly close to us, about thirty minutes away, and they visit frequently, especially in the summer.  She has never come over with any of her dogs, but just to make sure I did say "Please don't, we love seeing you and the kids, but we don't want any dogs at our house.  (just playing it safe................. :) )

As for her son getting rid of the dog, I'm actually a bit bothered by the fact that he obviously has been having problems with the dog, I don't think you just out of the blue decide to get rid of a pet.  There must have been a final proverbial straw that broke the camels back.  So he was willing to bring his problem to our house and expect us to put up with it just so he could save a few bucks. 

My wife does agree with me fully on this, and we will be telling him very clearly not to do this again, even if it means he won't be visiting as much.

Amara

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #49 on: April 15, 2013, 11:00:50 AM »
That's good news for you, OP, but I feel a bit sorry for the dog. I hope it is in a better place now. And I like your shiny spine.

Twik

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #50 on: April 15, 2013, 11:14:46 AM »
Bit of an anticlimactic update:

My wife got a text message from her son yesterday.  the gist of it is, no need to worry about the dog, we gave it away.

(blinks)

Goodness, did he discover that dog food and vet visits aren't free?
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Danika

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house
« Reply #51 on: April 15, 2013, 02:36:05 PM »
That's good news for you, OP, but I feel a bit sorry for the dog. I hope it is in a better place now. And I like your shiny spine.

POD

Thanks for the update!

hjaye

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPDate Pg4 pst 52
« Reply #52 on: April 16, 2013, 11:09:15 AM »
My wife spoke with her son yesterday.  She got the full story on getting rid of the dog. 

He had never wanted the dog in the first place, when his wife heard that my wife's granddaughter was going to have to get rid of the dog, she wanted to take it, her son was against it since he knew he would end up being the one to take care of the dog.  She (his wife) promised she would take care of the majority of caring for the dog, but it ended up being him and he got tired of it.  They posted an add on Craigslist and had a fifty dollar price tag for taking the dog so they would get serious inquiries only.  The people that took the dog came to their house with their dog so the two dogs would get a chance to see if they could bond. 

Both dogs liked each other.  They were let out in the backyard and they ran around playing together and had a great time, so she went to a good home and has a friend to play with.

My wife's son then mentioned something about how much easier it was going to be coming up here this weekend without having to bring the dog along.  My wife took this opportunity to tell him in no uncertain terms that he should not think that it would ever be ok to bring a pet to our house again.  She said if she needed to have an individual talk with each of her children she would do that, but we do not want dogs, hamsters, cats, mice, rats, ferrets, birds, or any other types of animals that a person might have for a pet brought to our house.  He just said ok, so I don't believe we are going to have to deal with this issue again.

« Last Edit: April 16, 2013, 11:40:50 AM by hjaye »

TootsNYC

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #53 on: April 16, 2013, 11:39:04 AM »
Yay all the way around!

MindsEye

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #54 on: April 16, 2013, 11:40:24 AM »
I am glad that everything was resolved regarding the enforcement of your "no pets" rule at your house.

And I am very glad to hear that the dog is now in what sounds like a much better home for it.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #55 on: April 19, 2013, 04:37:41 AM »
OP I have an odd question............ Since he never wanted the Dog...... Is it possible he was planning on leaving (dumping) doggie at your House??

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hjaye

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #56 on: April 19, 2013, 09:28:23 AM »
No, there is absolutely no chance that he was going to dump the dog at our house.  I'm sure it never even crossed his mind as a possibility, because it wasn't.

TootsNYC

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #57 on: April 19, 2013, 10:49:56 AM »
OP I have an odd question............ Since he never wanted the Dog...... Is it possible he was planning on leaving (dumping) doggie at your House??

Considering that the OP has already told us this son is really considerate of his mother and reliable, and that he called ahead to inquire about even *bringing* the dog, I think that's a huge stretch. Sort of an "intentionally thinking bad of this person and creating a more dramatic story" feeling to it.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #58 on: April 19, 2013, 11:28:59 AM »
I wasn't thinking badly of him at all.

I wasn't saying he would ditch the dog and run off into the night, never to be seen again.

I only mentioned it because it has happened to someone I know.

when we read, we all correlate the post we are reading to what experiences we have had in our own lives.

Bless <3 Toots and a (((gentle HUG))))

* I think this is a language barrier thing. I sometimes forget I am writing to other countries. In our case the pet was 'dumped' = left.
And Honestly, I can live happily without drama. I've too much IRL
« Last Edit: April 19, 2013, 11:30:53 AM by Dragons 8 Cactus »

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Danika

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Re: Need polite spine RE: Dog at my house Final UPdate pg4 post 52
« Reply #59 on: April 19, 2013, 05:37:10 PM »
I think you are classy, Dragons 8 Cactus. You handled that miscommunication with class.

I'm American and I still understood your point. I didn't think you were ascribing mean motives to the son-in-law, and I understood what you meant by "dumping."