Not being friends anymore or downgrading friendship status with A isn't an option I want to take. I love her dearly, and though being PG doesn't allow people to be jerks, she has been more emotional. On top of things she is buying and selling her home, stressed with work things that are beyond her control, etc. Part of me wonders if she just latched onto the baby shower b/c she felt like it was ONE THING she could try to control. I don't know. I do know that in decades long friendships, people eff up sometimes. And cutting them out for an eff up one or twice in a couple decades isn't how we operate.
When A told us she was PG we all excitedly asked to host her baby shower. She told us to let her figure out what her family wanted to do - I did mention at that point I didn't think it was appropriate for family to host baby showers. One time, very early on. A couple months later she told us to go ahead with plans but to include her sister - which we said we would do. From there is where my original post starts - with me trying to contact the sister to no avail, etc.
I've been wondering if we pulled the plug too soon too. I've been working a lot of overtime and dealing with this big work trip coming up - but I tried to make an effort to reach out to the sister. But by then friend B had had enough and didn't have the desire to deal with this anymore. So yes, I think given the opportunity, I might have attempted to call up the sister, take her for coffee and just sort this out face to face. Still though - by that point A's comments re: not giving up control and not fully trusting us to do this our way stung.
Yes, friends mess up. And once or twice isn't a reason to end a friendship. But, there's stages of messing up. Allowing her sister to cause so much drama (and causing it herself) that her very best friends are excluded from her wedding and alienating them to the point that they can't even throw a baby shower for her is not just some minor messing up. You don't exclude your friends from two major life events and blame it on stress. Obviously, this is not a woman who can handle big life events and being the center of attention with grace. Sure, a wedding and a baby shower may be all about her, but she's making it awfully difficult to do anything for her, much less in the exact way she wants. She tells you to include her sister and you do. Yet neither her or her sister give you input to plan...then she complains that you aren't planning appropriately for her and leaving it up to the sister she insisted you coordinate with. This friend makes no sense. And if you want to keep her in your life because she's great in other ways, then that is totally your call. I just wouldn't go out of my way to plan anything "big" for her in the future.