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  • October 13, 2015, 11:49:48 AM

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Author Topic: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife  (Read 534 times)

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When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« on: Today at 09:34:13 AM »
(fictional names)

I honestly feel bad for this woman.  But . . .

I am at my desk working along and my headset rings.  I answer without looking at the display, “this is KimodoDragon”.  Silence, then “oh hi KD, this is SallySue Simpson, PeterPan Simpson’s wife?”  I stop typing and remain quiet with a furrowed brow.  I look at the display of my phone and notice the call had been routed from the company operator.

SallySue apologizes for calling me out of the blue, but needed to speak to me.  I respond quietly and cautiously, “I’m sorry, what is this about”.  I’m thinking why is she calling me, PeterPan and I have been divorced since 1998.  SallySue says because PeterPan speaks highly of me even after all these years, she needs to know how to handle him and she knows I can give her some “pointers”.  He cheats constantly, has other children outside their marriage and she is fed up.

I stopped her and said I didn’t have any advice for her, she should not be calling me for help and to perhaps seek professional counseling.  I told her I was sorry for what she is going through, but I cannot get involved.  I asked her to please not call my office again.  She started whimpering asking me to talk to her.  I hung up.

I wanted to tell her to do like I did – leave – because he did the same thing to me.

I am hoping she won’t call again because I couldn’t have made my position any clearer.  I would like to know your thoughts if she does call again. I want to be firm(er), but not rude.



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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #1 on: Today at 09:42:42 AM »
Yikes. Can you just not answer or block her number?

I think you have said all that needs to be said (get counseling, you can't get involved, etc.)

One Fish, Two Fish

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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #2 on: Today at 09:43:58 AM »
Wow.  Just wow.  She must be in a horrible place to make this phone call.  I think you handled this the best way you could.  Should she call again repeat that can't help her and she cannot call you again.  Then hang up.
I'll get there.  Eventually.


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #3 on: Today at 09:50:00 AM »
If her marriage is a mess then I have every sympathy for SallySue, but it's odd that she'd ring and ask you for tips on how to handle her husband when the way you handled his shenanigans was to remove yourself from that whole situation.

Can you block her number on your phone(s)?. If not just keep repeating what you've already said.


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #4 on: Today at 10:00:20 AM »
I think you were fine, and if you can't block her number, if she calls again, I'd be short, sweet and firm. Tell her again you asked her not to call you at work, at all, what have you, you can't give her any "pointers" or advice, and hang up. It's most certainly your problem she's having issues with your ex, her current husband.  She needs to be the one to figure out what to do, etc. not you.


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #5 on: Today at 10:08:23 AM »
I am sure she is at the end of the line and "looking for permission" to get out now. Regardless she needs that from herself, not you, and a psychologist will have to help with that.

I doubt she will call again as you shut her down efficiently, but if she does just repeat that you won't get involved and she needs a professional.
“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.” CS Lewis


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #6 on: Today at 10:52:39 AM »
I think you did a brilliant job of handling a very unexpected situation--congrats to you!  And yep, I doubt she will call again but I think this is a broken record situation--just repeat "call a professional" until she stops asking.


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #7 on: Today at 10:56:38 AM »
I think that any thing else said to her is going to encourage her to keep calling and asking for advice. That is why I wouldn't answer again. You have already said your piece. Continuing to answer really won't serve a purpose for you, or her, IMO.


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Re: When The Current Wife Calls The Ex Wife
« Reply #8 on: Today at 11:45:46 AM »
Is there any chance that you and I both have the same ex-husband? 

I have received similar calls from subsequent wives and girlfriends, and I think you handled it just right.  Like you, I tried to stay out of it and not give any advice.  The one time I did give advice, it was to protect a child.  A woman called me because my ex (more than 20 years after our divorce) had moved in with her and her 11-year-old daughter, and she heard rumors that he had a history of child molestation.  She called me to ask if the rumors were true.  It seemed clear to me that she was looking for someone to tell her what she wanted to hear -- that it was all just false rumors.  I told her that I had no first hand knowledge of anything like that, but really, do you want your 11-year-old to be the one to find out it's true?  I advised her to put her daughter's safety first, and that was it.  I never heard from her again, but my ex moved to a different state soon after that, so I hope that means she took my advice.

Maybe some would disagree with me, but I think shutting down any such conversations is the right approach, unless there's a safety issue, and then you have a duty to warn.  (There's nothing in your post that says this is the case, I'm just rambling...)