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  • April 26, 2017, 07:26:02 AM

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Author Topic: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update  (Read 3166 times)

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gena264

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #30 on: April 24, 2017, 02:41:05 PM »
If you wanted to maintain contact, could you try training him by only responding to full sentences? Ones with questions preferred? Also never responding to ridiculous attempts to guilt you or establish a more intimate attachment than you, in fact, have?

Yes I suppose I could try that .. I tried to make friendly off handed comments about the constant 'hi 's" and nothing else, but so far he hasn't seemed to get the message. I admit I was too friendly and passive aggressive about it though.

Take2

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #31 on: April 24, 2017, 03:01:34 PM »
Here is a piece of advice I haven't seen elsewhere: why not just be honest? You can say, "look, Saying hi back and forth over and over seems pointless to me, but you seem to get frustrated when I don't reply. I will chat with you, but I am not willing to do all the work. If I want to start a conversation, I will take responsibility for providing the starting topic/content and vice versa. OK?"

I mean, if you don't want to talk to him at all, then work to end this entirely. But if you are open to talk and just want the conversations to go more smoothly, you do have the option to explain your needs/expectations.

TabathasGran

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #32 on: April 24, 2017, 03:03:20 PM »
I get a bad vibe from people that do this kind of thing, especially given that you are married, right?  I think he is interested in you romantically but completely lacking social skills and potentially creepy.  I would just definitely stop responding and block him, too.

gena264

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #33 on: April 24, 2017, 06:41:53 PM »
I get a bad vibe from people that do this kind of thing, especially given that you are married, right?  I think he is interested in you romantically but completely lacking social skills and potentially creepy.  I would just definitely stop responding and block him, too.

Yes, I am married as he knows this .. my Facebook profile pic is of me and my husband . I am starting to think he is interested beyond friendship as well. I have a few guy friends that I used to know back in the day and we have nice normal chats , nothing like this .

Easter Hat

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #34 on: April 24, 2017, 07:00:27 PM »
Your married status changes things for me.  While I believe that men and woman can be friends, this sort of new friendship (based on old ties) just doesn't seem like a good idea. 

This man is offering nothing but confusion and annoyance to your life.  It seems like he's doing a weak attempt to flirt and get something started with you.  I'd end it by saying, "you know, my husband and I are pretty busy these days.  I don't think I'm going to have much time to chat.  Hope to catch up at the next reunion."

Then block.


Raintree

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #35 on: Yesterday at 12:41:42 AM »
If you're not quite at the point where you want to defriend and block, just say, "Sorry, I don't really do FB chat. It was nice catching up with you but chatting by IM is not really my thing." Then ignore future "hi" messages. Actually I blocked a female who was doing this. She was in one of my FB groups and I accepted her friend request. And then she seemed to just want to say hi all the time. Whatever for? I don't get it. I don't use FB that way, myself. I use it to post pictures and links, comment, discuss, on my feed. If I have anything to say on PM it's more like, "Hey, are you still on for X activity at Y time tonight?" or else to expand on a discussion that started on my page but that needed clarification for someone ("Hi, the reason I deleted your post was that this happened and that happened and I didn't want others to see it as this...")

It isn't for random "hi" messages, IMO.

gena264

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #36 on: Yesterday at 07:20:45 AM »
If you're not quite at the point where you want to defriend and block, just say, "Sorry, I don't really do FB chat. It was nice catching up with you but chatting by IM is not really my thing." Then ignore future "hi" messages. Actually I blocked a female who was doing this. She was in one of my FB groups and I accepted her friend request. And then she seemed to just want to say hi all the time. Whatever for? I don't get it. I don't use FB that way, myself. I use it to post pictures and links, comment, discuss, on my feed. If I have anything to say on PM it's more like, "Hey, are you still on for X activity at Y time tonight?" or else to expand on a discussion that started on my page but that needed clarification for someone ("Hi, the reason I deleted your post was that this happened and that happened and I didn't want others to see it as this...")

It isn't for random "hi" messages, IMO.

I completely agree. I use it to chat with my best friend because we both type fast and have frequent interruptions that make emailing easier. I also catch up with other friends that way too and it is always with actually talking/communicating , asking and answering questions . He sent me another message last night around 9:30 my time saying " there she is " . I didn't respond. About an hour after that he sent " can't talk? " .

Harriet Jones

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #37 on: Yesterday at 07:45:32 AM »
In Messenger you can block someone from sending you messages.  (This only blocks someone in Messenger, not on FB)

After you open messenger,

Open the conversation with the person you'd like to block
Click the gear in the top right of the chat box
Click Block Messages > Block Messages

Goog

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #38 on: Yesterday at 07:48:26 AM »
With the random 'hi' messages, I'd not respond if you're not online.  And then if you do happen to be online when he says hi, respond and ask an light question, like "Wow, isn't this weather great?".  If he doesn't respond back in a few minutes, say, "Did you want to chat?" 

Alternately, if you see a 'hi' message that was sent when you're offline, you could respond back with "Hi.  I was sleeping when you sent your message.  Did you need something?"

One other thing to consider is that people are spoofing/hacking FB profiles these days.  I accepted a friend request a while ago from someone I thought was my husband's cousin.  Right away, the person tried to chat, but something was 'off'.  The chat started out a lot like your friend....Hello...How are you doing?....etc.  Very bland.  And no formatting/cap letters, etc.  I was happy to chat with the cousin, but there was nothing personal about the first few exchanges and I began to get suspicious.  Hubby was there so he told me to ask her a trick question.  I did and the person failed it.  I immediately defriended that account.  So anyway, because of this, if the person can't say anything more substantial than 'Hi', I think you're in the clear with not responding b/c of the danger that you don't know who you're talking to.

gena264

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #39 on: Yesterday at 10:15:58 AM »
Here is a piece of advice I haven't seen elsewhere: why not just be honest? You can say, "look, Saying hi back and forth over and over seems pointless to me, but you seem to get frustrated when I don't reply. I will chat with you, but I am not willing to do all the work. If I want to start a conversation, I will take responsibility for providing the starting topic/content and vice versa. OK?"

I mean, if you don't want to talk to him at all, then work to end this entirely. But if you are open to talk and just want the conversations to go more smoothly, you do have the option to explain your needs/expectations.

That is really great advice, thank you . I am really leaning towards the ignore (perhaps block) based on what happened last night . He simply emailed 'there she is " which was ...I don't even know what to say to that? I wasn't on line at the time he sent it .. when I didn't respond an hour later he emails 'can't talk?" . I am really getting the feeling he is , like others have pointed out,  socially stunted or something.  I really do get the sense he is lonely and unfortunately when I did spend time chatting with him, he took it as something it isn't . I just wish I saw the signs earlier because I really don't want to be rude to him or hurt his feelings .

FauxFoodist

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #40 on: Yesterday at 11:22:47 AM »
Here is a piece of advice I haven't seen elsewhere: why not just be honest? You can say, "look, Saying hi back and forth over and over seems pointless to me, but you seem to get frustrated when I don't reply. I will chat with you, but I am not willing to do all the work. If I want to start a conversation, I will take responsibility for providing the starting topic/content and vice versa. OK?"

I mean, if you don't want to talk to him at all, then work to end this entirely. But if you are open to talk and just want the conversations to go more smoothly, you do have the option to explain your needs/expectations.

That is really great advice, thank you . I am really leaning towards the ignore (perhaps block) based on what happened last night . He simply emailed 'there she is " which was ...I don't even know what to say to that? I wasn't on line at the time he sent it .. when I didn't respond an hour later he emails 'can't talk?" . I am really getting the feeling he is , like others have pointed out,  socially stunted or something.  I really do get the sense he is lonely and unfortunately when I did spend time chatting with him, he took it as something it isn't . I just wish I saw the signs earlier because I really don't want to be rude to him or hurt his feelings .

He has three grown kids.  If he's lonely, he can try chatting with them instead.  You may be right that he is socially stunted, but that's not your problem and you shouldn't feel bad or guilty that he misconstrued anything.  Again, he could always ask his kids regarding appropriate behavior when IM'ing.  When I first came across IM'ing 20 years ago, I thought it was the neatest thing.  It didn't take long (like a few months) for me to find it super-annoying and start making sure I looked offline or stopped responding so people wouldn't bother me/wouldn't continue to bother me.

LEMon

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #41 on: Yesterday at 12:53:22 PM »
Here is a piece of advice I haven't seen elsewhere: why not just be honest? You can say, "look, Saying hi back and forth over and over seems pointless to me, but you seem to get frustrated when I don't reply. I will chat with you, but I am not willing to do all the work. If I want to start a conversation, I will take responsibility for providing the starting topic/content and vice versa. OK?"

I mean, if you don't want to talk to him at all, then work to end this entirely. But if you are open to talk and just want the conversations to go more smoothly, you do have the option to explain your needs/expectations.

That is really great advice, thank you . I am really leaning towards the ignore (perhaps block) based on what happened last night . He simply emailed 'there she is " which was ...I don't even know what to say to that? I wasn't on line at the time he sent it .. when I didn't respond an hour later he emails 'can't talk?" . I am really getting the feeling he is , like others have pointed out,  socially stunted or something.  I really do get the sense he is lonely and unfortunately when I did spend time chatting with him, he took it as something it isn't . I just wish I saw the signs earlier because I really don't want to be rude to him or hurt his feelings .
I don't feel good about his feelings controlling what you do especially since you are guessing. How about how you feel? How you feel is just as important as how he feels. You have the right to not feel awkward every time you look at the screen and wonder if there is something from him.

If you want to consider his feelings, consider that he is already feeling hurt since you aren't replying when he wants you to. That's what the 'can't talk?' says to me. Better that he knows clearly and can go find someone else who might want to talk rather than just keeps wanting what you don't want to give him.

I would send at least one clear message that says you don't want to chat anymore.

Raintree

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing Update
« Reply #42 on: Today at 01:18:56 AM »
"There she is" doesn't exactly start a conversation. What did he think you were supposed to say? After "can't talk?" I'd be tempted to respond with "is there something you wanted to say?"

Runningstar

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Re: Telling a Facebook Friend you want to stop emailing
« Reply #43 on: Today at 05:19:30 AM »

Thank you for sharing this ! I am leaning towards the defriending blocking if he continues ..Luckily he is usually off line from Fri thru Sun so I have some time to decide. Maybe when he gets back on line Mon , he will have gotten the message.

Off line all weekend?  Did I miss something where he works all weekends, 24 hour shifts?  I have a relative that does the "hi" thing, it has gotten to where if I see that he is online I jump off!!  I'll have to change my settings.  My suggestion to you is to block him, don't unfriend him yet, and reply to the rantings/hi's on the weekend.  He hasn't been respectful of your time, sending messages in the middle of the night when his timezone is 2 hours difference is rude imo.