Author Topic: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?  (Read 1647 times)

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oopsie

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Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« on: June 27, 2014, 12:47:19 PM »
See this post for BG:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125563.msg2903056#msg2903056

DD just graduated from grade 8. Myself and other parents were on the dance decorating committee. The mother of my daughter's classmate (mentioned in the background post) invited all the parents and their families to her family's home for a dinner party tonight. She first mentioned it to us the day before the graduation (which was Sunday). Then again at the graduation (Monday). Then she sent an email reminder out to all of us yesterday.

Now I don't really know this woman or her family. I've only met her a handful of times and have not really had any type of meaningful conversation with her. My DD and her DD are not really close either. Although they get along at school, they don't hang out at recess or talk otherwise (again see post above for background).

I also don't really know any of the other parents. I have no idea who would be going or when they would be showing up. The email said to just show up when you're done work for the day. Apparently she's made quite a bit of food.

I really appreciate the thought behind this and it wouldn't be the end of the world for us to go but it all just seems like it will be kind of awkward since we don't really know this family or anyone else who would be there.

I'm also concerned that if we go this time, that this is going to become a regular thing judging by the number of times that DD has been invited for various parties/get togethers for her daughter (DD has just started politely declining by saying she has other commitments).

I don't want to snub them as I'm sure they are very nice people. It's just that we're the type of family that doesn't really do much entertaining and we're quite content to not be entertained by others as well. We like our quiet time at home with each other for company.

What should we do??

bah12

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2014, 12:59:21 PM »
Well, first, you shouldn't feel obligated to go somewhere simply because you were invited.  And if you do choose to go, it doesn't obligate you to any future events.

It seems to me that this family is trying awfully hard to connect with people and make friends. Inviting you to do things with them is a way for you to get to know each other better.  It also seems that this particular dinner party is a "dance decoration committee - yeah we're done with the work - celebration" and not really something that was organized as an intimate dinner between close friends. 

Your answer really comes down to this: What do you want to do for this particular situation?  If you feel like going, then go.  And if you don't, don't.  I wouldn't use this to project how any future event may or may not go.  Each invitation stands on it's own.

MrTango

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2014, 12:59:40 PM »
It seems like you don't want to go, so don't.  You can just send a polite response to let them know you can't make it.

Luci

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2014, 01:15:01 PM »
(DD has just started politely declining by saying she has other commitments).

It sounds like you all don't want to be socially involved with this family, and that is probably your answer.

From your mentioning the invitation, it sounds more like an open house/family "cocktail" hour event to me. Plan on its being an informal buffet supper.

By the way, you never have to give a reason for declining. You just will not be able to attend. Vague former commitment reasons are the best if you must, though.

Your answer really comes down to this: What do you want to do for this particular situation?  If you feel like going, then go.  And if you don't, don't.  I wouldn't use this to project how any future event may or may not go.  Each invitation stands on it's own.

Agreed.

Alicia

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2014, 01:29:16 PM »
Well do you wnat to go? Do you want to get to know these or the other parents better? If so RSVP yes and attend if not RSVP no thank you and do whatever else. Personally I think these hosts are being great and would want to attend but that is me not you.

m2kbug

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2014, 01:39:55 PM »
This sounds like an informal open house?  Did you/do you have to RSVP?  It sounds like they're doing something nice for the kids, parents, teachers, staff.  Show up or not.  If you're really not interested in going, don't.  If you think you'd like to connect with people, maybe meet your kid's parents and friends, sounds good too.  It doesn't sound like something you have to stay at for very long, and if it's just not fun, you can be on your way.  If you choose to go, this doesn't obligate you to attend all future events.  It's not rude to not go.  I'm sure plenty of families have made plans for after graduation.  Thank them for the invitation but you will be unable to attend and be done with it. 

oopsie

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2014, 01:49:35 PM »
OP here.

Thanks everyone. I think I was over thinking this. Sound advice from all of you so thanks again!

The Wild One, Forever

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Re: Invitation to dinner party - Do we go or not?
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2014, 03:54:21 PM »
You are under no obligation, so it wouldn't be rude for you not to go.  However, I agree with bah12 that this family is really making an effort to do something and special which includes everyone.  In your shoes, I would step a little out of my comfort zone (I am not the most social person) and make an appearance.  You might wind up really having a good time and maybe even making new friends.    :)
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