Author Topic: Magic Words  (Read 11382 times)

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CreteGirl

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Re: Magic Words
« Reply #45 on: June 26, 2014, 03:17:29 PM »
What a great thread!  Thanks for posting the link in the other thread, ArtK!

Pioneer

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Re: Magic Words
« Reply #46 on: June 27, 2014, 09:43:34 AM »
No comment; just bookmarking for future reference.  Thank you, ArtK.
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Twik

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Re: Magic Words
« Reply #47 on: June 27, 2014, 10:22:20 AM »
Yeah I always liked that phrase, "be nice to your kids, they'll pick out your nursing home." :)

Unfortunately, in my mother's case, I wasn't able to, because the government does.  :'( But the thought's the same.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Hollanda

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Re: Magic Words
« Reply #48 on: June 27, 2014, 11:16:55 AM »
Problem with me is, this.
 
Person asks me unreasonable, unfeasible request.
Me: Erm, maybe...I don't know...I...I...
Person: Well, look, it's not unreasonable, you're off work anyway.
Me: But I don't have time to do it (more like I don't want to do it, even if I did have time for it).
Person: If you do this for me, you save my life and you're a wonderful person.
 
I end up doing whatever favour and rushing about on my day off work which is supposed to be spent doing Nice Things with DS, and I end up resentful and seething inside towards this person I really, really didn't want to do this thing for.
 
Usually, it's meeting up with my mother who (as you may recall) I have not always had the easiest of relationships with.  This ebbs and flows - sometimes we're great together, sometimes we'd kill each other, but that is the nature of the beast and I have made peace with that.  It is my own lack of spine that drives me mad.
 
I put the phone down and what pops into my head??
 
I am sorry, but that is not possible.
 
I fume with myself, really I do!! The magic words are there, to me...I just never remember them until I don't need the magic any more.   :(
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Magic Words
« Reply #49 on: June 27, 2014, 12:57:45 PM »
Problem with me is, this.
 
Person asks me unreasonable, unfeasible request.
Me: Erm, maybe...I don't know...I...I...
Person: Well, look, it's not unreasonable, you're off work anyway.
Me: But I don't have time to do it (more like I don't want to do it, even if I did have time for it).
Person: If you do this for me, you save my life and you're a wonderful person.
 
I end up doing whatever favour and rushing about on my day off work which is supposed to be spent doing Nice Things with DS, and I end up resentful and seething inside towards this person I really, really didn't want to do this thing for.
 
Usually, it's meeting up with my mother who (as you may recall) I have not always had the easiest of relationships with.  This ebbs and flows - sometimes we're great together, sometimes we'd kill each other, but that is the nature of the beast and I have made peace with that.  It is my own lack of spine that drives me mad.
 
I put the phone down and what pops into my head??
 
I am sorry, but that is not possible.
 
I fume with myself, really I do!! The magic words are there, to me...I just never remember them until I don't need the magic any more.   :(

There are no magic words :)  That is the point of this post.  However, you are falling into the trap of JADE'ing.  Just because someone asks you to do something doesn't mean they need answer immediately.   

A better strategy would be to let said person know that you have to check and will get back to them.  And then end the conversation every single time.   so the conversation could look like this:

Person asks Hollanda unreasonable, unfeasible request.
Hollanda: I'll have to check, I'll get back to you
Person: Well, look, it's not unreasonable, you're off work anyway.
Hollanda: I'll have to check, I'll get back to you
Person: If you do this for me, you save my life and you're a wonderful person
Hollanda: I'll have to check, I'll get back to you *hangs up*/*walks away*