Author Topic: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..  (Read 16930 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1495
Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« on: April 11, 2013, 07:49:56 PM »
What is the standard norm and general etiquette on invitations and having the guests spend extra money on these events with the kids and tweens and teens?  In following the build-a-bear thread, it looks like its' the standard norm to invite and be invited and fully expect to fork over additional dollars throughout this event.  I completely disagree with this, but I'm wondering if this is the direction the world is going with just about any parties.  My children, who are pre-teen and teenagers have been invited to a few birthday parties the past few months.  When  I'm calling up to RSVP and solidify the details, this is when I am informed I have to send along $20 or $30 dollars to cover the cost of rentals or food or something.  I can't afford this.  When I am hosting a party, I fully expect to incur the the cost and don't ask my guests for additional fundage and work within my budget.  It seems like the world is moving in a direction where you plan a party for your kid and expect the invitees (their parents) to cover the expense.  Is this the standard norm nowadays?  What's the etiquette?  Have you experienced the same and what are your thoughts about it?
« Last Edit: April 11, 2013, 07:53:48 PM by m2kbug »

YummyMummy66

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 812
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2013, 07:58:44 PM »
I don't know about other people, but if I have a party for one of my kids, (or had, my oldest two are 24 and almost 21), I paid for everything for those invited.   It included the venue, if not at my home), food, drink, cake, etc.  and usually some type of take home item.  I usually did not do goody bags but a craft or more for them to make and take home.

Depending on the friend and how close of a relationship my child had with that friend would depend if they were going to attend the party or not if they had to pay $20 or $30 dollars to do so.

I cannot imagine inviting someone to a kid's birthday party and expecting them to pay $20/$30 to do so and bring a gift yet?

No, I don't think this is the norm anywhere.

Carotte

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1143
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2013, 08:02:40 PM »
I've never encountered it as a guest, or hear about it, not for a party thrown by a parent for a child.
I could see it for say, a bunch of teenagers/young adults throwing a surprise party for a friend of theirs, but even then, the cost is stated upfront, not sprung during RSVP (still, better than sprung on you at drop-off...).

Calypso

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2748
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2013, 08:39:26 PM »
 *Sigh* I suspect this comes from three things:

1) Kids, and/or their parents, think there's something wrong with a "home made" birthday party, and can only imagine the kind of commercially-branded consumer-fest that all those "real" people on TV have.

2) Or neither parent has the time or ability to make a cake or a party and want to hire the job out, but not pay for it.

3) Or this is just part of the ill-mannered current trend of people who think it's ok to ask for their friends to pay for their weddings, shell out big bucks for weekend-long bachelor/bachelorette parties, or donate to their medical bills or their "life dreams" (as we had on a thread not long ago). Why wouldn't they think everyone's parents would just LOVE to finance their kiddies wing ding?

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6090
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2013, 08:47:34 PM »
I've (thankfully) never encountered the situation of being asked/expected to fork over money so my child can attend a party. I hope I never do either!

Like other posters, when I host a party for my kids I pay all the costs, whether that be location rental/food, home entertainment, an at home party with food, games, goody bags, etc.

sassydeej

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 107
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2013, 09:03:35 PM »
When my DS turned 13 we hosted a few boys at a local game center.  We told the parents that we would be purchasing a party pack for each kid that included unlimited free laser tag, mini golf, bowling with free shoe rental and it would include $5.00 on a card to use for arcade games.  We also told them we would be providing cake and beverages (not a meal as it was after the supper hour).  The parents could then decide if they wanted to send extra money with the kid but we weren't giving them extra money for more arcade games.  We even told DS to bring extra money if he thought he needed to spend more, but we wouldn't be giving him extra money for games or food.


TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30829
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2013, 09:31:26 PM »
What is the standard norm and general etiquette on invitations and having the guests spend extra money on these events with the kids and tweens and teens?  In following the build-a-bear thread, it looks like its' the standard norm to invite and be invited and fully expect to fork over additional dollars throughout this event.  I completely disagree with this, but I'm wondering if this is the direction the world is going with just about any parties. 

My thought w/ the Build-a-Bear type things is that the kid ends up with SOMEthing even without spending extra money. That you don't *have* to buy the extra clothes, etc. And that some parents decide to do so.

Quote
My children, who are pre-teen and teenagers have been invited to a few birthday parties the past few months.  When  I'm calling up to RSVP and solidify the details, this is when I am informed I have to send along $20 or $30 dollars to cover the cost of rentals or food or something.  I can't afford this.  When I am hosting a party, I fully expect to incur the the cost and don't ask my guests for additional fundage and work within my budget.  It seems like the world is moving in a direction where you plan a party for your kid and expect the invitees (their parents) to cover the expense.  Is this the standard norm nowadays?  What's the etiquette?  Have you experienced the same and what are your thoughts about it?

I haven't experienced this, but it's really rude! And it's a very different thing from saying, "we're having the party at Chuck E. Cheese, and everybody gets 25 tickets" and then some parents buy extras.

Betelnut

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3761
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2013, 09:34:05 PM »
I've never encountered it either.  I don't think it is common.
Native Texan, Marylander currently

Hopefull

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2300
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2013, 10:15:06 PM »
Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was?   I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.
I felt this thrill going up my leg!

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21525
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2013, 10:34:53 PM »
You know, the only way I could see anything like that would be if it was something like "We are taking the kids to ______ ameusement park for the day.  We will pay for admission/rides and meals.  If they want extra snacks, to play the  various extra games or to get a souvenir they need to provide their own money."

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1495
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2013, 12:00:33 AM »
Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was?   I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.

This one event is laser tag.  It's an expensive adventure just for your one kid to go to, let alone funding a half a dozen of them.  I myself would not plan a party for my child at this venue because I simply cannot afford it.  These other parents are planning a party for their child and I am expected to fork over extra cash for it, which I am complying to at the moment, but this is not something I can afford to do on any long-term basis with two kids and their various events.  I'm going to have to start saying no if these birthday parties are going to run some $10, $20 or $30 outside of what I'm already spending on a gift and a drive across town.  This is new to me that these parties are requiring extra cash and I'm wondering what is going on and if this is the new normal.

Deetee

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5656
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2013, 12:14:24 AM »
I've never had an invite asking for money. I've had some requesting no gifts.

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4187
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2013, 12:25:46 AM »
Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was?   I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.

This one event is laser tag.  It's an expensive adventure just for your one kid to go to, let alone funding a half a dozen of them.  I myself would not plan a party for my child at this venue because I simply cannot afford it.  These other parents are planning a party for their child and I am expected to fork over extra cash for it, which I am complying to at the moment, but this is not something I can afford to do on any long-term basis with two kids and their various events.  I'm going to have to start saying no if these birthday parties are going to run some $10, $20 or $30 outside of what I'm already spending on a gift and a drive across town.  This is new to me that these parties are requiring extra cash and I'm wondering what is going on and if this is the new normal.

No, it's not the new normal. It's bad hosting to throw a party and have others pay for it.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2013, 01:03:23 AM »
Oh really hot place no !  What the Special Snowflake parents are doing is asking you to help throw their child's birthday party.  So Junior wants all his friends to come play laser tag?  Well, start saving up instead of asking Junior's friends to make his big dream party come true.  It is one thing if you tell parents you are providing cake and drinks, so if they want something at the snack bar, they are on their own...but to be expected to pay your own way for a party because the parents cant throw a party within their means? NONONONO.  If I got one of these for either of my DD's, they would not be going.  Unfortunately, there seems to be more and more people who think just because it is their wedding/birthday/retirement/ect. it is fine to ask others to finance it.  I have never, nor will I ever participate in these.   

One Fish, Two Fish

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 504
Re: Your kid is invited to a party, please fork over cash..
« Reply #14 on: April 12, 2013, 05:55:39 AM »
Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was?   I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.

This one event is laser tag.  It's an expensive adventure just for your one kid to go to, let alone funding a half a dozen of them.  I myself would not plan a party for my child at this venue because I simply cannot afford it.  These other parents are planning a party for their child I am expected to fork over extra cash for it, which I am complying to at the moment, but this is not something I can afford to do on any long-term basis with two kids and their various events.  I'm going to have to start saying no if these birthday parties are going to run some $10, $20 or $30 outside of what I'm already spending on a gift and a drive across town.  This is new to me that these parties are requiring extra cash and I'm wondering what is going on and if this is the new normal.
Champagne tastes on a ginger ale budget.  The parents of the birthday child should be paying for the children to do the main event.  If they can't afford to do that, then they should chose another party location or have a very small party.  I'm not sure if I would let my child go.
As a funny side note, this was the For Better or For Worse strip for today:
http://www.gocomics.com/forbetterorforworse/2013/04/12
« Last Edit: April 12, 2013, 06:01:29 AM by One Fish, Two Fish »
I'll get there.  Eventually.