To start with - the person is question is my brother. Close family.
Generally, we get along pretty well. He, like most people, dislikes being nagged. I don't want to be a nag. However, whenever he comes to visit, he does several things that drive me a little crazy and my poor Mr K just about ready to rip out his (own) hair with the sheer thoughtlessness of it. I guess I'm looking for a nice way to say "Dude, seriously knock it off or I won't invite you over anymore" without nagging over every little thing he does.
These are all pretty minor in terms of thoughtless guest behaviour, but they happen so frequently. Also, he is currently bemoaning his singlehood status. His will date, but it pretty much fizzles after the third or fourth date. Basically, once a date invites him home, they rarely go back out again and he genuinely doesn't seem to know why. So I'd also like to help set him straight because I *KNOW* that some of these things are going to be dealbreakers for the other person in the relationship.
1 - When he comes in, he takes his shoes off. This is awesome, as this is how we do things in our house. We have a *big* mat area in our front hall along with a bench to sit on to take shoes off and a shoe rack. I also have a bin of slippers. Regardless, once his shoes are off, they invariably end up halfway down the hall. He does not borrow the slippers I make available.
Please note, I am aware of the shoe/no-shoe controversy. Our shoes-off-ness is partly ethnic culture and partly regional culture. Shoes on households are rare, and so the question is not how to I make him take off his shoes, but rather once his shoes are off, how do I 'train' him to put them on the mat?
2 - When he comes in, he will take out his wallet and keys and phone and put them on my kitchen counter. This is fine. HOWEVER, I have a small drying towel on the counter near the sink for LK's bottles and clean bottle nipples. He invariably puts his things on top of this towel. THAT drives me NUTS! I feel like I should not have to say, "please don't put your wallet where my daughter's clean bottles go". I feel very much like that should be a common sense thing.
3 - Mr K and I often eat our dinner in the living room after LK has gone to bed. It is an enjoyable way for us to reconnect. For this reason, I have placemats on our coffee table. The placemats take up about 1/3 of the space of the coffee table. They are easy to fold up and put away. Usually I do this when I have guests, but if I'm not expecting guests, I may not remove them.
He put his feet ON the placemat. Even typing that, I just hung my head going "why would I have to say 'don't put your feet on the placemat'?" These are actually OBVIOUSLY placemats. He's been over before and has eaten with us in the living room, so he does know that those placemats are where the food goes.
I said nothing and threw them in the wash.
If he had moved the placemats to put his feet up, I would have been okay with it.
4 - I offered him a drink. He wanted a cold pop. Mr K grabbed the pop. I handed him a coaster as Mr K handed him the pop. He took the pop and the coaster. He put the coaster on the table. Then he put the pop on the table. Then I picked up the pop and put it on the coaster.
He is almost 30 and has a fairly well paying extremely professional career. He's not some mannerless bum.
Although at the same time... he rather is.
His empty pop can and beer bottle were where he left them when he left. He did not ask about recycling or where they should go.
All of the above happened in the first 60 minutes of his visit. If he was a date and not my brother, this behaviour very early on would be a dealbreaker.
These are examples and far from a comprehensive list. They are little things. I do know that a past girlfriend got very upset with him about shoes on her coffee table and they broke up shortly thereafter, so I have a strong suspicion that he does not do these things just at my house, but does them in general.
Is there anything I can do about this, either as a hostess, friend, or sister, to alert him to the understanding that his behaviour is thoughtless bordering on rude?