General Etiquette > Dating

Lukewarm about best friends bf...

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MissKoreanna:
Hello all!!

I have a question and hopefully you can point me in the direction that is best for the situation.

Quick background: My best friend (a little over a year ago) broke up with her ex, someone that they had thought they would get married to. It was a very long and painful split. It came out after the fac that he was bisexual (relevant). She previously has been in long term relationships with men who have either fully come out or have admitted they are bisexual. I'm talking like 95% of guys in her past dating history.

She has just very recently started dating new guy (NG) and I met him for the first time last night. I know she's going to want to talk to me about my opinion on him, as I tend to have a very accurate sense of a persons character and read on situations in general. Thing is, I wasn't crazy about him. He was nice enough, but I got an uneasy feeling. (Note, this feeling has nothing to do with her physical safety). I have a feeling there is a strong possibility he may be at the very least, bisexual. Which doesn't bother me, but if he comes out in any way she's going to be devestated, given that in previous relationships this has been a factor of previous ex's splits from her.

My question is, given her past experiences, is this a concern I should voice?  I am REALLY hoping I'm wrong here.

 I will also say I kind of found the guy a little pretentious and that's a trait I find very off putting.  I have a harder time being around people I find pretentious and I know she wants us (DH and I, NG and her) to be a power couple and hang out all the time. She is kind of impressionable with others opinions so I'm nervous that if I say I don't find him to be the BestThingEver it'll make her back off of him-which, since she's happy thus far, I don't want to sway that.

I want to say that yes, he treats her well, pays for things when they go out and gives thoughtful gifts and listens to her and is very much a complete 180 financialy from her ex. I do like these qualities about him because she deserves to be treated well. I don't want my personal opinion to mess with her happiness. Should I just lie and say I think he's great?  Or be more non committal?  Just focus on the two things I like ( nice enough, treats her well ) and leave it at that? 

This is not a convo I can get out of. She is too dear a friend and while he was in the bathroom she was already asking DH and I opinion last night. She's going to want to have this talk within the next couple of days.

Zilla:
I would be blunt and just tell her based on her past history, it might be prudent for her to be upfront with her feelings on bisexuality with him.  And point blank ask him as this is a deal breaker for her.
 
If she asks outright if you sense anything, I would be truthful.

MrTango:
I'd put together a list of positives and negatives about your impression of him, and I'd even go so far as to write them down.

That way, when she asks you for your opinion, you can tell her that you have several thoughts and go through them with her.

gramma dishes:
I don't think it's at all unusual for someone to unknowingly date a person who is bisexual (or even gay for that matter) -- once.

But since this seems to be a startlingly recurring theme in her life, I wonder what it is that seems to direct her to these particular specific men?  Or for that matter, what is it about her that attracts them?

guihong:

--- Quote from: gramma dishes on April 14, 2013, 02:02:43 PM ---I don't think it's at all unusual for someone to unknowingly date a person who is bisexual (or even gay for that matter) -- once.

But since this seems to be a startlingly recurring theme in her life, I wonder what it is that seems to direct her to these particular specific men?  Or for that matter, what is it about her that attracts them?

--- End quote ---

I do know that some women choose men perhaps unconsciously who won't want to play scrabble with them, as a way of avoiding getting out the tiles or being intimate for whatever reasons. 

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