Author Topic: School issue for my son  (Read 3064 times)

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fey01

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School issue for my son
« on: April 16, 2013, 08:58:28 PM »
Hi, Ehellions.

DS1 (10) is in the Fourth grade. In Kindergarten, he and H were in the same class. They were not in the same class again until Third grade, at which time DS1 decided to start pulling back from his friendship with H because H was always negative about things. When DS1 pulled back, H seemed to become more fixated on their friendship. He tried to monopolize DS1's attention, got upset when DS1 wanted to hang out with other peers. One day, H began to cry because DS1 wanted to play with another boy at recess. The girls in their class put pressure on DS1 and he felt compelled to become friends with H again for the rest of the school year. Their teacher noticed the friendship was problematic and told us that she would recommend that the boys not be in the same class again.

Fast forward to now. The boys are not in the same class, and DS1 told me that H had been 'a jerk a few times' but now has left him alone. Great. However, I just got a letter from the Lego Robotics club advisor about the club, which starts on Thursday. H and DS1 are both on the list.

My question is, should I email the advisor something about the boys' previous interactions? How would I word it? Should I suggest he speak to the Third grade teacher?

Thanks for any advice.

Zilla

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2013, 09:13:29 PM »
I wouldn't, your son is old enough to stay distant but polite.  The advisor will notice if there are issues and can address them.

I would role play with your son on scenarios that way he's ready.

JenJay

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2013, 09:53:11 PM »
I have a son the same age and I would sit back and wait for now. Talk to him about what to say to H (I've told my kids to be calm yet assertive and say "Child'sName, Please stop."), how to approach the teacher if H won't leave him alone, and reassure him that you're ready to step in if he needs you to.

If your son is unsuccessful and asks you to help I'd email the teacher and keep it straightforward. "My son, Joey, has asked me to contact you regarding some trouble he's having with another student in lego robotics, H. H persists in doing X despite DS repeatedly asking him to stop. I would appreciate it if you could intervene. TeacherX had good luck in the past by seating H away from DS". (or whatever seems to work)

LifeOnPluto

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2013, 11:06:22 PM »
I wouldn't do anything now. Wait to see what happens first. For all you know, the other boy might leave your son alone.

peaches

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2013, 12:31:46 AM »
I agree with those who say "wait and see". 

It's been almost an entire school year since the boys were in the same class and had clashes. The other boy may have outgrown his old behaviors (children can change), or he may have made new friends and feel no need to be close to your son.

Both boys are interested in the Lego club. It's the Advisor's job to head off problems if they come up. I'd wait and only intervene if serious problems occur and go unresolved.

bopper

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2013, 09:14:27 AM »
I would let the advisor know the history.

"Advisor, I have noticed that H and DS10 are both in the robotics club.  I just wanted to give you a heads up that H and DS10 have a little history...nothing major but DS10 has felt in the past that H latches on to him whether he likes it or not.  It would be great if you see any conflicts brewing that you have them work in different groups if that is convenient.  Feel free to let me know if you would like to discuss this further."

Coley

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2013, 03:37:03 PM »
POD PPs who suggest "wait and see." It has been a year, and a lot can change in that time. Let your DS know that if H behaves inappropriately, he should bring concerns to you. Then you can brainstorm ideas and role play with him. If DS has difficulty dealing with H on his own, then you could discuss the problem with advisor.

My concern is that bringing it up before a problem occurs could taint the advisor's rel@tionships with one or both of the boys. Let the advisor have the chance to form rel@tionships with them first, then see what happens.

Possum

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2013, 03:41:05 PM »
My concern is that bringing it up before a problem occurs could taint the advisor's rel@tionships with one or both of the boys. Let the advisor have the chance to form rel@tionships with them first, then see what happens.
Not to hijack the thread, but why do people write rel@tionships instead of relationships?

cabbagegirl28

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2013, 04:19:14 PM »
They're not writing it like that. Having it trip to that wording keeps rel@tionship ads from popping up on the site.


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

artk2002

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2013, 04:36:22 PM »
They're not writing it like that. Having it trip to that wording keeps rel@tionship ads from popping up on the site.

Yes, they are writing it like that. The word filter does a different and less obtrusive modification to prevent the bad ideas. In essence, it sticks some invisible text into the word to prevent the ad system from recognizing it. The word filter used to stick the @ in, but that got changed to a less obvious thing.
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fey01

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2013, 08:07:55 PM »
To clarify- DS 10 and H aren't in the same class, but H has been passive aggressive and 'a jerk' this school year. He has slowed down on the harrassment, and I'm concerned that he will ramp it up again.

There are 21 Fourth graders on the list, many of whom are good friends to DS 10. I'm sure they will be working in small groups, so I will simply ask the teacher to have the boys be in different groups without going into too much of the backstory. DS 10 and I have talked about it today, and he said he wants me to communicate that small part, with the understanding that he will ask the teacher to intervene if it needs to go farther.


cabbagegirl28

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2013, 09:47:32 PM »
They're not writing it like that. Having it trip to that wording keeps rel@tionship ads from popping up on the site.

Yes, they are writing it like that. The word filter does a different and less obtrusive modification to prevent the bad ideas. In essence, it sticks some invisible text into the word to prevent the ad system from recognizing it. The word filter used to stick the @ in, but that got changed to a less obvious thing.

Well, it used to be like that, iirc. I may be misremembering though. Sorry to give misinformation.


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

Slartibartfast

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2013, 11:09:38 PM »
I do think it's worth a heads-up: "DS is so excited about robotics club starting up!  I did want to let you know that he and H have had a problematic relationship for the last two years - DS would like some more distance and H is exhibiting some bullying behavior.  DS and H's teachers both know about the issue and it's been mostly under control this year, but there's a good possibility more issues will arise now that both boys will be doing robotics.  I mention this so you know the background if problems start popping up.  Thanks!"

areya

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Re: School issue for my son
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2013, 02:47:52 AM »
it happens sometimes in school