General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

I know I didn't need to tell them, but it worked - Good update #31

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I know we talk about not getting into JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) with difficult people. But is that the same as giving people a blunt reason for something, and is it rude?

I'm having a blunt week. 

Brief background:  During a different medical emergency, my doctor found a growth on my {part of my body}.  These growths are generally not dangerous, and if not benign, easy to treat. But, it is important to find out if they are benign or not.  It took about a month and a half to get into a {specialist for this}, and after meeting with her I wanted the first possible biopsy appointment I could get. I scheduled the biopsy for a time when I had no work meetings scheduled. 

As I was getting ready to leave for the appointment yesterday a coworker told me he was having a meeting and they needed me there.  I told him I had another appointment and couldn't make it, but he insisted that the world was ending and I had to drop everything and be at his meeting.

So I told him that I was going to the hospital to have needles stuck into my {part} so they could get cells out and see if I had cancer, and this was more important to me than his meeting. He froze for a second and then agreed with me.

Today, someone reported that a mistake was found in a database set up, caused by someone in a group that does the same things my group does (but that we don't control -- there's a long story behind why everyone thinks I have any control over the other group). 

The person who caught the error wanted to know what kind of re-training would be done for that person so that she wouldn't make this mistake again. Very insistent on the exact plans for just that person. So I ended up telling him, "Well, she's dead, so I'm positive she'll never do it again.  Here's what we can do to try to stop others from doing it..."

Too blunt? Or, just being honest? I honestly tried to not be specific about the situations, but it didn't work.

First of all (((hugs))) and I hope your test results are good.

That said, I think you were rude.  You could have given the same information over without being so blunt about  - I'm sorry, coworker, but I didn't know about this meeting and I've scheduled a very important medical test that I cannot reschedule.  In the future, I strongly advise you to give me more  notice - and then walk away. 

I do understand why you were blunt - you are under an incredibly large amount of stress right now.  And I really do have to end with ((((hugs)))).

I think tone has a lot to do with it.  Both things could be said in a way that would come across rudely.  And they can come across as not rude.  It's all in how you say them.

Outdoor Girl:
In the first instance, I do think you were approaching the rude line, but depending on how insistent he was being, maybe not.

In the second instance, I think you are in the clear, since the mistake finder was focussing on that particular person.  And you came back with what to do to prevent the mistake from happening again by anyone else.

I guess it's all in how you said it, in both incidences.

Blunt does not necessarily equal rude. Bluntness gets to the point, and then everyone can get on with life.


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