Author Topic: Take the temper tantrum outside?  (Read 5725 times)

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PennyandPleased

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Take the temper tantrum outside?
« on: April 18, 2013, 11:21:23 AM »
This has actually happened multiple times and my whole family is sick of it and want to know how to react.

My Aunt has 3 young children (my cousins) who are all under 7. They are poorly behaved and throw temper tantrums like no other. (There are no mental development issues.)

I swear that at every family party one of them throws a full out screaming fit. This happened at a party on Saturday. My Aunt and Uncle handle the fits okay but never seem to remove them. So basically one of the kids is screaming in the middle of a crowded house at a family party and everything basically comes to a stop.

These screaming fits last a long time and often will calm down, then quickly start up again, before things get under control.

Would it be out of line for someone to ask my Aunt or Uncle to take the kids outside or to a different part of the house the next time this happens? Everyone is at the end of their rope with this and since the youngest 2 kids are very young in age we don't see this behavior ending any time soon.

EMuir

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2013, 11:32:10 AM »
I think removing them would be the best thing not only for others but for teaching them. As long as it isn't being removed to a place they can play a video game or something.  Just to a place where they don't have a huge audience.  You should talk about this with another older family member and have them suggest to aunt and uncle that the child be removed, and have a couple people willing to assist if the child intends to be a dead weight. Good luck.

heartmug

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2013, 11:35:06 AM »
Would it be out of line for someone to ask my Aunt or Uncle to take the kids outside or to a different part of the house the next time this happens? Everyone is at the end of their rope with this and since the youngest 2 kids are very young in age we don't see this behavior ending any time soon.

I think it would be ok if maybe done by an older relative.  Would the Aunt's mom or dad be there?  Then if Aunt throws her own fit, everyone can back up mom and dad saying that is what we want to.
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

Giggity

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2013, 11:36:38 AM »
Would it be out of line for someone to ask my Aunt or Uncle to take the kids outside or to a different part of the house the next time this happens?

Why would it be out of line?
Words mean things.

WillyNilly

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2013, 11:46:39 AM »
Personally I think its pretty out of line no one has said "how about you move into another room [or outside]?" Who's ever house these events are taking place at has dropped a huge hosting ball on that.

snowdragon

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2013, 12:17:14 PM »
Personally I think its pretty out of line no one has said "how about you move into another room [or outside]?" Who's ever house these events are taking place at has dropped a huge hosting ball on that.

Agreed. And I would be saying that if there were developmental issues. too.  There is no reason why everything has to stop so the kids can have a temper tantrum. If Aunt and Uncle don't like it - tough, no likes hearing these temper tantrums or having their days stopped over their lack of consideration or parenting.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2013, 12:29:03 PM »
I think it would be a good idea for someone else to step in and either take the child's hand or pick them up while calmly saying something like "Let's go somewhere more quiet so you can calm down". 

My toddler has really gotten more into the tantruming stage as he's almost 18 months and when we attended the evening service for Good Friday, it was after communion, about time to leave and he'd had enough. Ideally I would have left him with DH but as we had to get to the church before DH got home from work, I didn't have much of a choice and most times there's no nursery for the evening services.

Anyway, Piratebabe was getting whiny and antsy and another member of the church, father of 3 that I know well came over and held out his arms, offering to take the child off my hands.  I let him and all of a sudden the li'l stinker was quiet and smiling.

Sometimes it does help for a fresh face to come along, and it gives mom and dad a break and time to cool down themselves.   Not to mention, I know my kids behave better for people they don't see every day than they do for us.
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Girlie

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2013, 12:44:13 PM »
It amazes me that no one has done this yet. The behavior is disruptive to the gathering, and should be removed. If the parents don't jump to it, it is perfectly fine for someone to politely suggest that it be moved to another area.

Winterlight

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2013, 12:57:03 PM »
I think the hosts should suggest the child's removal to another space, and the rest of the family should back them up
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YummyMummy66

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2013, 01:00:38 PM »
Do you know what I would be tempted to do?

I say everyone else throws a screaming fit at the same time.   Start crying, screaming, stomping your feet, the whole nine yards.  I bet the kid stops real quick because they won't know what hit them.  (Ok, maybe in theory.  Never tried this myself).  But, maybe if the rest of the family members do this, Aunt and Uncle might finally get a clue of their child's temper tantrums and the reactions it does to other people. 

If they are in someone else's home, than the owner of that home has every right to tell, not ask, the aunt or uncle to take their kid in another room or outisde  until their child's tantrum is over because the family is done dealing with them. Time for them to start dealing with them.

EllenS

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2013, 01:07:56 PM »
I agree - it is perfectly "in line" for the host to tell and/or help parent and child take it out of the main party.

To smooth the path, using phrases like "you need some privacy to work this out" or "lets find Junior a quiet spot to calm down" or "Ah, this party is too big and noisy for you, let's go in here..."

After all, it could in fact be that big family gatherings are a trigger for these kids.  You don't have to have something wrong with you, or be naughty/spoiled, for a large family party to stress you out.  The parents are not handling it well, but there could be some truth in the idea that the kids need a break.

mmswm

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2013, 01:10:00 PM »
I agree that the host of the gathering would not be out of line to take the child outside or to another room, or politely ask the parents to do so. Tantrums past the toddler age are often attention seeking devices, and these children know that if they pitch a fit they'll have the attention of everybody at the gathering.  I have a sneaking suspicion that if they are removed so they don't get that kind of attention, the tantrums will stop or at least be reduced in frequency.
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Secret

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #12 on: April 18, 2013, 01:10:18 PM »
I wonder if the Aunt and Uncle are worried about just picking up the kid and finding a spare room in someone else's house.  Not knowing the size of the house and floor plan, the only extra rooms that aren't being used for the gatherings may be a bedroom and they feel funny about just picking up a child to go to someone's bedroom.  I"d feel funny in my In Law's house.  I think the host can tell them what room they can use and if the parents go, "Oh, it's okay, we're fine here"  then we are now at the problem stage.

Coralreef

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2013, 01:48:16 PM »
Are Aunt and Uncle of the "poor child is expressing himself" school of thought?  In that case, they are not doing the kids a favour. 

If it is because they are embarassed to go to another room in someone else's house, the bathroom is a good place to go, even outside if necessary.  Removing the kid from the audience works pretty well, but it has to be a consistent reaction to the tantrums.  No exceptions.  Or the audience can move away.   

Personnal experience : when DD threw her one and only tantrum at the shopping center (of course) I told her I would be waiting at the bench over there (about 5 meters or so) and walked away.  Not even 10 seconds later, she got up, came to me and that was the end of it.  She never expected me to NOT BE THERE, so the confusion overrode the tantrum. 


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JeanFromBNA

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Re: Take the temper tantrum outside?
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2013, 02:22:22 PM »
I don't see a problem with passing the discomfort along to your aunt and uncle by asking them to go outside until things are under control.  Sounds like they all need a time out.