Author Topic: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??  (Read 3651 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

EllenS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1368
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2013, 12:22:02 PM »
That sounds like a great program.  I think I will sign up, my kids especially would get a huge kick out of it.

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5994
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #16 on: April 19, 2013, 12:30:40 PM »
If the card is going to someone in the Boston area you would likely be fine mentioning it, but beyond that I would be cautious.  If it were going to someone in Texas they may wonder why you would mention the marathon but not the even more deadly explosion in West.  So maybe, if you want to say something, go with the more general suggestion guihong made.

If the recipient is not from Boston, she might have family in Texas and be very, very hurt that you focus on Boston and ignore Texas. I would. And I would be hurt if the Columbine shootings were already forgotten. Perhaps there is a personal tragedy that you have no way of knowing about but is gripping her in ways that kind of use up all her emotions.

For those possibilities and others, I would certainly not mention it.

But thank you for your compassion here.

Eeep!

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 843
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2013, 01:51:38 PM »
If the card is going to someone in the Boston area you would likely be fine mentioning it, but beyond that I would be cautious.  If it were going to someone in Texas they may wonder why you would mention the marathon but not the even more deadly explosion in West.  So maybe, if you want to say something, go with the more general suggestion guihong made.

If the recipient is not from Boston, she might have family in Texas and be very, very hurt that you focus on Boston and ignore Texas. I would. And I would be hurt if the Columbine shootings were already forgotten. Perhaps there is a personal tragedy that you have no way of knowing about but is gripping her in ways that kind of use up all her emotions.

For those possibilities and others, I would certainly not mention it.

But thank you for your compassion here.

Please don't take this as an attack, but I'm really trying to understand why the fact that someone - from another country - expressed sympathy for an event that likely made more press in their country than another - would be hurtful. Do you mean it would bring up past hurts? Because I think an act of compassion should be taken as that and not weighed against other things that they should also have compassion for. There is always the chance that someone has a personal tragedy that you don't know about. I don't think that precluded giving sympathy for the ones you do know about.

That said, I think in this instance perhaps a more generic "thinking of your country" type comment might work better.  (But I do think the fact that postcards take FOREVER might make it a little less timely of a missive by the time it gets here.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21387
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2013, 01:54:02 PM »
I think the message OP suggested covered a variety of things going on throughout the country over the paxt several days (and a few things that are not completely resolved).

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5994
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2013, 02:08:25 PM »
If the card is going to someone in the Boston area you would likely be fine mentioning it, but beyond that I would be cautious.  If it were going to someone in Texas they may wonder why you would mention the marathon but not the even more deadly explosion in West.  So maybe, if you want to say something, go with the more general suggestion guihong made.

If the recipient is not from Boston, she might have family in Texas and be very, very hurt that you focus on Boston and ignore Texas. I would. And I would be hurt if the Columbine shootings were already forgotten. Perhaps there is a personal tragedy that you have no way of knowing about but is gripping her in ways that kind of use up all her emotions.

For those possibilities and others, I would certainly not mention it.

But thank you for your compassion here.

Please don't take this as an attack, but I'm really trying to understand why the fact that someone - from another country - expressed sympathy for an event that likely made more press in their country than another - would be hurtful. Do you mean it would bring up past hurts? Because I think an act of compassion should be taken as that and not weighed against other things that they should also have compassion for. There is always the chance that someone has a personal tragedy that you don't know about. I don't think that precluded giving sympathy for the ones you do know about.

That said, I think in this instance perhaps a more generic "thinking of your country" type comment might work better.  (But I do think the fact that postcards take FOREVER might make it a little less timely of a missive by the time it gets here.

That's okay. We just feels things differently from our life experiences. That why OP asked a question.

Allyson

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1927
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #20 on: April 19, 2013, 03:08:51 PM »
Columbine? Wasn't that 15 years ago? Why would that get mentioned? Or did something happen more recently?

I don't think it's odd or rude at all, but considering the length of time a postcard would take, I don't think I'd say anything, myself. Unless they were from the city itself.

Onyx_TKD

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1318
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2013, 04:11:48 PM »
I don't think it would be rude, but I wouldn't recommend it.

First, unless the recipient lives in or very close to Boston, I would find it odd for someone to send condolences to a complete stranger about a tragedy in another area, just because they happen to be in the same country. Especially in a very large country like the USA.

Second, I assume that most people signing up to receive postcards from random strangers are probably doing it as a fun diversion. If the recipient is far from Boston and not much affected by the bombings, then it seems really awkward to me to have condolences about a far-away tragedy stuck into the middle of what's supposed to be a fun activity. If the recipient is close to or personally affected by the Boston bombings, then they probably can't get away from the media coverage, etc. A random postcard that has nothing whatsoever to do with the bombings might be a pleasant surprise and a much-needed relief right now. OTOH, picking up something they expect to be a random, fun postcard and finding that the bombings have permeated even this might be an unpleasant surprise.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30506
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #22 on: April 19, 2013, 05:57:29 PM »
I don't think it would be rude, but I wouldn't recommend it.

First, unless the recipient lives in or very close to Boston, I would find it odd for someone to send condolences to a complete stranger about a tragedy in another area, just because they happen to be in the same country. Especially in a very large country like the USA.


I agree--especially because the body count is really pretty low. Even people in our country are focusing on Boston, and not necessarily on one another.

After the 9/11 attacks, people in the U.S. sent condolences to us in NYC, but they also felt the power of those attacks themselves because so MANY people died and the devastation was SO huge.

The Boston attacks don't have the same scope, so I have this feeling that while they are feeling for the folks in Boston, most Americans don't feel touched in the same way.

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21387
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #23 on: April 19, 2013, 06:03:27 PM »
Actually, I would disagree.  There are races throughout the country, in big cities and small towns.  And people form all over travel to be in marathons - including the Boston Marathon.  I am not a runner but I know several people who are and who have run in races - including the Boston Marathon.  I have been at the finish line cheering for a runner at various races over the years.  I think for a lot of people it is something they can all to easily imagine and relate to. 

kudeebee

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2184
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #24 on: April 19, 2013, 07:01:07 PM »
Personally, I wouldn't mention it on the postcard.  I would keep it light and fun and informative about your area.

jpcher

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8619
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #25 on: April 19, 2013, 07:49:13 PM »
Thank you for all the great suggestions.

To clarify a few questions -

Everyone signs up for the postcards so while the sender is a surprise the fact that will get a random postcard in your mailbox is not.

I would not be sending a sympathy card but an actual postcard.

I add other things in the message about my city and such, what I was more looking for/ asking is if a small blurb like what bah12 suggested : "Your neighbors in the North stand with you in times of crisis.  Our thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the tragedies in Boston, Texes...(and whatever else)." would be ok.

Another poster mentioned history. This is a big part of why I like the project. I enjoy getting world info and knowing that when I'm older I can go back and read the info that was current that day.

The tragedy in Boston is very emotional for me on a few levels. One I'm a runner and two, Boston helped the city I live in after a devastating explosion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halifax_Explosion). Our city sends a Christmas tree to Boston every year as thanks, I think they may be our sister city?

Such an emotional week. Thank you all for your input :)

Honestly? If I received a postcard with the above bold mentioned, along with your reasoning (being a runner/sister city history) I think that my heart would be touched.

I'm nowhere near Boston or DC . . . but these are things that do affect our country. Anthrax, Columbine, 9/11, Theater shootings . . . (please don't be offended if I didn't mention your specific tragedy) . . . all affect me, personally, because they are all an attack of terrorism.

I would very much appreciate a postcard from a random stranger which showed some humankind solidarity and compassion. I believe that it's good to know that our country isn't an isolated island and others feel our pain. Just as I hope that someone would send you a postcard of understanding condolences if something tragic happened in your neck of the woods.



Have you ever received a post card talking about news in your area? How would you feel receive a post card like this? If it's something that you would appreciate receiving, I think that you should send a post card in-kind.



To the green above, I'm sure you're not the only one that uses this club for the same historical reasons.



No. I don't think that your post card would be rude at all.

SweetTinkerbelle

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 341
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #26 on: April 20, 2013, 10:14:19 AM »
I would probably just include some sort of inspirational quote local to where you're from--like if you're Ireland, "may the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be at your back." That way all your bases are covered.

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12939
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #27 on: April 20, 2013, 08:33:20 PM »
Not at all rude.  Quite the opposite, as far as I'm concerned.  I'm not from any where near Boston, but it does affect all of us.  I would be grateful and touched by your expression of concern.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Peregrine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 451
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #28 on: April 20, 2013, 09:54:44 PM »
I'm going to take the opposite track here.  For myself, when these tragedies happen, we get so inundated with news coverage that it gets exhausting.  It really gets to a saturation point with me.  I don't want to be reminded that people were killed and maimed when a couple of punks blew up pressure cookers. 

Different people are going to react to these different tragedies in different ways.  Some people want to relive it, and watch the news coverage to find all the latest developments....others are just not going to want to be reminded of it in any way shape or form. 

If it were me, I would err on the side of not saying anything, unless you were sending a card to someone in Boston itself.

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12939
Re: Unsolicited condolences - is this rude??
« Reply #29 on: April 20, 2013, 10:04:41 PM »
If the card is going to someone in the Boston area you would likely be fine mentioning it, but beyond that I would be cautious.  If it were going to someone in Texas they may wonder why you would mention the marathon but not the even more deadly explosion in West.  So maybe, if you want to say something, go with the more general suggestion guihong made.

If the recipient is not from Boston, she might have family in Texas and be very, very hurt that you focus on Boston and ignore Texas. I would. And I would be hurt if the Columbine shootings were already forgotten. Perhaps there is a personal tragedy that you have no way of knowing about but is gripping her in ways that kind of use up all her emotions.

For those possibilities and others, I would certainly not mention it.

But thank you for your compassion here.
You do bring up a very good point.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.