http://Well, you can imagine how difficult it is being a child of someone like this. People with loving families mostly cannot understand why I do not love my mother. I tolerate her, but I can never ever love her in the tender, trusting way.
I've run into that reaction too. "But they're your parents! How could you cut them out?" Mind you it's people who don't know my parents from Adam and Eve but it's because they did have a good relationship with their parents that they just don't understand.
I used to be one of those people who didn't understand. My parents are great--my favorite people. And all the kids I knew in school who complained about their parents would give examples that just didn't seem unreasonable. She wants you to be home at 11 on a school night? She's always asking how your day at school went? And it just seemed that theirs was typical teenager grousing.
Then I met a friend when we were both 24 or so who said, "I ran into my mother and it ruined my day." Wow, I thought--really? I probably even said that briefly.
Then I went with her to a holiday dinner. My God! That woman said nothing--and I mean nothing--that wasn't picking at my friend. Why didn't she finish college? Why doesn't she get a better job? Why doesn't she wear a better shirt? It was relentless. I was nearly breathless.
I'm trying to make her look good by mentioning that she reads the latest books, and even her beloved GRANDMOTHER starts haranguing her that she should get books from the library instead of buying them.
My friend had been a little upset that her sister wasn't there when we arrived and was running late. I realized why when the sister arrived, because the first thing she did was to interject herself into the conversation--the mom said something critical to my friend, and her sister looked from friend to mom, took a breath and said directly to her mom, "I'm thinking of quitting my job." The mom instantly turned to the sister and started attacking verbally.
I've never seen a clearer example of throwing oneself in front of the oncoming train, sacrificing oneself for someone else. The older sister knew she was stronger, and she *chose* the topic of attack, and it probably wasn't real anyway, so it didn't matter if mom hounded her about it.
I went home and went straight to the phone to call my mother to say "thank you."
It was so incredibly, incredibly unreal to me. I'd seen other kids' parents, and I'd seen why kids might be irritated or mildly annoyed or embarrassed bcs of the parents, but I'd never seen ANYTHING that hateful.